Hi, I have cptsd according to my doctors because of rlly bad relationship abuse and they don't think I have cluster b disorders but i experience a lot of symptoms reminiscent of bpd so this still feels like the place where I would be most understood or heard. and since my friend does have bpd maybe ppl will be able to speak on similar experiences. This account is new because I dont want my friend to see it and feel bad even though that's unlikely.

Im 21m and I became friends w someone at the start of this year. We became close quickly sharing about related interests and love for nature and i helped her with her undergrad thesis because of how stressed she was with school. during time time we would call somewhat often and we talked so much. we grew really close across this last year to the point where lines feel blurred about our friendship, we've talked about ideal futures and relationships and shes hinted that she wonders if she would be happier with someone whos more like her and talked about what it would be like breaking up with her bf. She told me when she started talking she didn't wanna talk to someone for them to like her because shes in a relationship and i respected that i didn't wanna fall in love but shes literally perfect and as we got so close it felt so hard not to. We would wish eachother goodnight and good morning and we talked all day most days.

Her bf got uncomfortable with the time she spends with me and ive noticed her pulling back ever since we finished her thesis. and even though i know this is just how things are i feel my heart shattering it feels like life without being close to her is meaningless. i recently lost my pet rabbit who i was extremely bonded to and thats made it even harder. shes the only person i talk to this much at all i dont have anyone to tell about these feelings. I know she probably recognizes how i feel but wont bring it up because of how everything is.

recently shes been getting more distant as she spends extra time with her boyfriend and we've stopped spending so much time together. she still messages me about certain things on her mind and interests in animals and bugs etc but it feels so different than our daily routine before and its made me feel so alone and isolated. i love her more than anything else and it hurts so much to feel like i matter so little. I just feel really alone right now and all i want is to know i matter to her like she matters to me but all my brain can think of is how worthless i am and that if i were better she would love me.

I've been feeling really suicidal for the first time in a longtime and everything around this has been driving me to extreme emotional instability im deactivating my accounts and thinking through what it would be like to kill myself its bad its the worst state ive been in for a long time, i even self harmed recently for the first time in a long time too. I dont know how i get through this im constantly facing abandonment fears and wanting to isolate myself to get ahead of them and have been wanting to die to escspe it all i dont know how to cope with feelings like this i just freeze.

I personally found this video to be helpful and wanted to pass it on, in hopes that it could help others.

we have created a signal support group to connect a supportive network of people struggling with cptsd, neurodivergence, bpd and other forms of trauma. please feel free to vent, trauma dump and be together during tough times 🩷

https://signal.group/#CjQKIDyYlgFaxeDUSqLmJBwWiVzGgbtBC0exF3kew0J4A-3LEhA9q2epnMPa-nL_gmAqa2Xo

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.autism.place/post/101822

TIL: Key differences between Borderline PD and Complex-PTSD

Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a pervasive and lifelong mental disorder that affects interpersonal relationships, mood, and behavior. Those diagnosed with BPD often struggle with an unstable self-identity and self-image, difficulty in regulating their emotions, impulsive and self-sabotaging behavior, a fear of abandonment, feelings of emptiness, and a pattern of highly unstable relationships where idealization and devaluation are common.

Complex-PTSD

Complex PTSD, or cPTSD, is a subset of PTSD. Whereas PTSD is a fear-based disorder, cPTSD is often referred to as a shame-based disorder originating from a history of chronic, and long-term exposure to traumatic events such as ongoing severe child abuse or long-term relationship abuse.

Key Differences Between BPD and cPTSD

• While both disorders may experience symptoms associated with fear within relationships, one distinguishing factor seen in BPD that is not often seen in cPTSD is a fear of abandonment. Those with cPTSD, however, may avoid relationships based on feeling somehow unlovable or undeserving because of the abuse they endured, which can overlap with similar feelings experienced in BPD. Similarly, those with cPTSD often avoid relationships altogether or push others away as unsafe or threatening; these behaviors may be confused as a fear of abandonment seen in those with BPD.

• Those with cPTSD may often feel shame and blame themselves for their interpersonal problems—a symptom that is also similar to the experiences of those with BPD. However, another key difference is that those with cPTSD usually do not self-harm; this is a more common behavior seen in BPD, where stressors in interpersonal relationships may trigger episodes of self-harming behavior. This may include suicidal ideation or a suicide attempt.

• Another key difference between the two is that whereas both may feel relationships are seen as unsafe or threatening, a person with cPTSD may often choose to avoid intimacy or relationships altogether. A person with BPD, on the other hand, may struggle with being alone and may use relationships to prevent feelings of loneliness or abandonment.

• While both those with BPD and cPTSD struggle with emotional regulation and often experience outbursts of anger or crying, those with cPTSD may experience emotional numbing, emptiness, or detachment from emotions.

• Additionally, while both those with cPTSD and BPD can struggle with a solid self-concept, those with BPD often struggle with an understanding of who they are at their core. They may change their interests or hobbies depending on who they associate with because of a limited sense of self-identity. On the other hand, those with cPTSD have an understanding and awareness of who they are and have a more stable self-identity. However, they struggle with feeling "damaged" or deserving of the pain they’ve suffered and carry misbeliefs about themselves as unworthy of love or undeserving of happiness. These experiences impact relationships, which may be confused as a problem with self-identity or self-awareness.

• Lastly, while both those with BPD and cPTSD often struggle with traumatic pasts, with successful treatment those with cPTSD may experience less emotional reactions or behavioral disruptions over time by engaging in calming strategies or redirecting their energy away from an emotional stressor to reduce symptoms associated with panic attacks.

tl;dr:

• BPD has fear of abandonment. cPTSD has fear of relationships
• BPD has self-harm. cPTSD does not self-harm.
• BPD struggle with being alone. cPTSD avoid intimacy and relationships.
• cPTSD is more likely to experience emotional numbing and detachment.
• BPD have difficulty understanding their core identity. cPTSD see themselves as damaged.
• cPTSD symptoms can improve with successful treatment.