this post was submitted on 26 Nov 2025
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I've been swinging all over my entire life. First quite far right due to being on 4chan. Then overcorrected to the far left when Trump got elected because of podcasts and Reddit, and now I've been settling somewhere right of centre, though my views are such a mixed bag that I wouldn't really even attempt to place myself anywhere on the political spectrum. I'm not exactly one of those people who, when you know their view on one or two issues, you can reliably guess their view on multiple other completely unrelated ones as well.
It's however been interesting to see how much my personal views have been shaped by the people I hang with online. I see it in other people as well: one of my best friends still hangs on 4chan and he's just as right-wing and racist as you would imagine. Ironically though, hanging here on Lemmy doesn't exactly pull me more towards the left but rather the opposite - I feel like being pushed away.
I hope you're able to learn how to think critically for yourself
You acknowledge that the company you keep influences your views, and you continue to keep company with a racist?
I used to have views like that too - then I changed. I'm not really worried about changing back. That kind of racism is completely incompatible with the way I see the world and other people.
I think that having opposing views just makes our conversations more interesting. He's far more capable of politely debating than the vast majority of people I engage with online.
I can't really fathom willingly remaining in contact with someone who views other human beings that way
I don't believe in free will and thus don't blame him for having those views. It's the result of his environment - not a conscious choice. For as long as he isn't hurting anyone else, it's a thought-crime at best.
After a time it becomes a choice, and if you stay that way from fear of rejection from your human group (maybe the racist family that taught it to you) well, you're a coward, plain and simple. To be real, most don't stay that way because of social pressure.
I genuinely meant what I said about not believing in free will. You don't have to share that belief, but if you're going to argue against my view, you can't just ignore this crucial detail.
If I was able to craft a perfect counterargument against their racist views, then they would helplessly change their mind about it and there would be no freedom in it. It's like claiming that 1 + 1 = 3 and someone then teaching them math and they actually understanding it. No matter how cherished that belief was, they'd be forced to change their mind kicking and screaming. There's zero freedom in being convinced by a well-crafted argument, and this works in both directions.
I wrote a big wordy reply but I think based on your lackadaisical attitude to bigotry we're just not gonna see eye to eye so I'll just wish you a good day
You’re willing to cut contact with anyone who doesn’t pass your purity test - I’m not.
Cutting ties with one of my oldest friend wouldn’t make him less racist; it would just remove the one person who still pushes back on his worst ideas. Same reason I bothered replying to you instead of blocking the second you started moral grandstanding. One of us is willing to talk to people we disagree with. The other isn’t.
Take care.
As long as you’re thinking, you’re doing better than the vast majority
...you should get better friends. I completely cut off my best friend of 15 years for this exact sort of behavior.
I don't see what good that would achieve. I doubt that he has anyone else challenging his beliefs.
There's an old saying: "What do you call 10 people sitting at a table with 1 Nazi? 11 Nazis." By including a racist as your "best friend", you're quietly condoning and accepting his behavior. He won't change his views because of you. I waited way too long with my guy thinking I could fix him. He just learned to not bring up his views around me. Do yourself a favor and tell him to cut that shit out or you cant be as close.
If I met you and got along with you, I might consider us friends. If I later met your "best friend" and realized he had hateful views, I would see you in a completely different light and I wouldn't hang out again. After a while, all your friends will be racists or you're going to constantly be careful who you introduce your best friend to. You'll quietly hope your Chinese friend doesn't show up to the event so your best friend doesn't maybe make a weird comment. You'll start not hanging with people of color at the same time as your best friend. At that point, you'll be enabling racism. You'll be participating in the racism too. I'm saying this from experience. I did this until I realized what I was doing. Being friends with a hateful person is incompatible with my views. Their views are not "up for debate". They're completely unacceptable.
As I said: I don't see what good that would achieve.
I don't cut ties with friends because a stranger online calls me a nazi for hanging with them. When trying to change someone's mind, a good starting point would be to not insult them, make demands, or issue ultimatums. Perhaps your friend didn't change his mind for the simple reason that you weren't giving him any reason to.
This defensive posture isn't warranted. I was commenting from a place of empathy since I was in a very similar situation and the cognitive dissonance and eventual hard talk I had to have was very difficult. If you truly feel that all life is equally valuable with no regard to race, then you are feeling some of this cognitive dissonance too. You won't know it, since that's the nature of cognitive dissonance, but it will be there. I wasn't calling you names or attempting to force anything on you. I was warning you about what your future looks like if you continue being good friends with a racist.
A lack of social consequences is what gave him no reason to change his views. As long as his friends quietly ignored his crazy views, why should he feel the need to change. He might even feel those views are acceptable in regular society. We had plenty of "debates". All that did was make him feel hatred was a debatable stance. He ignored any good argument and burrowed more deeply into online spaces that accepted his hatred. I thought he was mellowing out after a COVID era phase. Turns out he learned to not to tell people irl about his views.
You can't fix him by being friends with him. I'm sorry. All that's going to do is make you more racist.