You clearly have no experience with ADHD. I have autism, I'm always way too early. My ADHD friends just don't work that way. They are always late, even when they plan on leaving early.
this post was submitted on 19 Jul 2025
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Something always happens and because I'm not hyper sensitive about time I don't really mind if I'm delayed.
It's usually because the cats won't come in. But I can't say I couldn't come because I was worried the cats would get wet so instead I blame traffic.
Yeah time gets wonky for us
Its not hard, set an alarm 2minutes before you should drive. Just stop what you're doing when the alarm goes off. It will wait on you to come back,,, no neeed for just anything. Get going
Nope doesn't work. When the alarm goes off I ignore it, because I have 2 minutes.
"I planned to leave the house at 6 but I planned with a buffer so there is no rush to actually leave at 6."
I have this one friend where we always tell him it starts 30 minutes earlier, just so he arrives reasonably on time
Aww, how naive.
Unironically, though.
Stop trying to be "on time" and start planning to arrive early. That way when something inevitably trips you up, you've got a buffer to work with, rather than any deviation automatically making you late.
Legitimately I started doing this when I realized I'm a better person when I'm not rushing. I can take my time getting there, maybe help someone get their bags to their car, chat with the panhandlers, hold doors open without wishing the other person would hurry up, etc.
Better than just flooding myself with cortisol all the way to my appointment and arriving all flustered and shit.
My sister in law is chronically late. She uses this strategy and always tells herself a time 30 mins early, so she can get places on time.
On one occasion my brother asked her what time dance class for the kids was. She tells him 12:00, so my brother - being an "always on time" person - gets there for 11:45 so he's a little early.
Turns out the time my SIL told him was her personal fake start time, not the actual start time, so he's 45 mins early lol.
"Personal fake start time" is a great term!
It's transparent about what you're doing to others and leads into telling them the actual start time!
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Being 15 minutes early is on time.
Being on time is being late.
Shit happens.
On time is late. Nowhere do you show up "on time" and get started immediately. If you're getting to your 9am appointment at 9am, you've not accounted for parking, walking in, literally saying hello, taking your jacket off, whatever.
We told a friend who was always up to an hour late that the event started at 3 instead of the real time of 4. He arrived exactly at 4, just when the rest rolled up too. He was so mad when he found out.
Let me guess, they did the classic projection case of acting like they were mad because they felt "tricked"?
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I stress so much about being late for things that I usually plan to be 15 minutes early to things and just wait. i'll start to flip out if things go south and i'm merely going to be on time. I talked to my therapist about this and she tells me to practice being late. sounds hard but okay i do what she tells me right?
So next poker night i decide to be 15 minutes late (other people routinely are this late so this should be fine!)
Wellll because i'm the only punctual and reliable one the host had counted on me to let people in to her condo (I had keys cuz i'm so reliable!) while she handled the big food order. She didnt bother telling me this because I had never once been late. She ended up being pretty grumpy about it which felt unfair but girl did this have the opposite effect my therapist intended 😂
It has been about 8 months since then and i'm still trying to build up the courage to be late to something. Don't beat your children folks.
I was never beat but I hate being late. I don't have an issue with it at all, I'm just... not late, and I don't see why I should practice being disrespectful with other people's time.
Anyway, then I had kids and they're alway always slow which makes me late for everything, so I guess that's my punishment. I try to be zen about it.
I'm just... not late, and I don't see why I should practice being disrespectful with other people's time.
It's weird to me that their therapist just suggested disrespecting other people's time like that. Like sure, give yourself grace but... just be late? Why should you change? It's the tardy people that suck.
Maybe if OP becomes disproportionally distraught it could be a good exercise, but then I guess my family will say I am disproportionally distraught 😁
yes that's a nice way of putting it. It isn't a panic attack but I get extremely agitated, short tempered, crazed with distress and afraid to my bones. It's very rare because i just plan to never be late but when it does happen I show up in tears and have made anyone accompanying me miserable.
Babylove, can you re-read what you just wrote, please? "...afraid to your bones" ? That's a panic attack. It doesn't have to be like the movies where you fall down, hyperventilating. I come from an abusive home too, so I have a pretty good idea of who told you you have to be small, but you don't have to minimize your experiences or silence your struggles! I'm just a stranger on the internet, so take my opinion w a grain of salt, or just throw it right away if you want. You deserve to be understood and respected.
Hope you have a calm and peaceful day xoxo
hey thank you that's some good points you make. I always associate panic attack with like the fake heart attack feeling i guess? but yeah i'm definitely panicking lol
💜
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Damn what an unfortunate coincidence, but also totally not your fault. And you know I'm sure everything turned out fine, right? Like the event didn't get cancelled. The "bad thing" that happened was a bunch of people standing around chatting for 15 minutes.
I'm sure you've had to wait on someone for longer than 15 minutes. The world doesn't end, right?
oh yes everything was okay by the end of the night, it just didn't help alleviate my excitability in the slightest. I'm still looking for opportunities to practice being late but i can't. don't want to be late to grocery pickup and mess up the workers, don't want to be late to the vet and get cancelled don't want to be late to a date and make them feel bad, etc.
It's a tough scenario. It's not like good to be late, even though it's OK to be late.
What about a dentist or doctor's appointment? A little risky hehe, but they're usually late to admit you; and since you're a betting person, that might be an interesting one to try. ;)
If it's just a habit you're into it's not like it's something bad? I guess everyone's anxieties are different but I always make sure to be early as well. It's just being well prepared and a responsible adult? Mine was never instilled in me it was something I learned to do naturally. Especially when it comes to something like the airport. Better to be a bit early and have some time to read a book or mess around on my phone than to be late and miss a flight. Not being critical of you, I get everyone has different mental health journeys, I'm just saying if being late requires planning and stress maybe that's not helping the problem either.
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I used to be incredibly punctual, in spite of my ADHD, because I stressed out about it. Then I moved to Germany and everyone considered me late for being on time (or 5-15 minutes early, depending on the occasion), so I’ve given up.
Just move to France and you will be just one time by being 30min late
An extra life hack: If you're going to be late, maybeet everyone knows before you're late. People are constant late with my work. Jon starts at 10. We get emails sent at 10:04, so and so is running 10m late. Let's send this shit 10m ago, because I'm sitting here doing nothing waiting to get started.
I have somewhere to be in 4 hours. It will take me about half an hour to get there. I could get up and start getting ready, or I can get a 4–hour head start on feeling bad for being late. While browsing Lemmy.
Posted 3 hours ago, so you still have the better part of an hour to just chill and not worry. This is definitely the right approach.
Important update: Motivated by my bout of self awareness, I decided to get in very early and prepared instead. I've been waiting for my friends in the freezing cold for half an hour. This is worse than being late.
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Step 1: Live in a plave with great and punctual public transport (like switzerland)
Step 2: Arrive exactly at the right time
Step 3: ...
Step 4: The people you wanted to meet finally arrive 20 minutes late because they came by car. There was no trafic; Taking the car just makes you more lenient with your schedule.
- be a wizard
H E A T H E N
Hisssss
I'm always 30+ minutes early to stuff. It's so bad. I always think i will be late, even when I'm 30 minutes early.
Same. Have an appointment 20 minutes away? Ooh, better leave 40 minutes before, just in case.
With the traffic, road work, and detours sometimes thrown in the way, this habit has been quite helpful. The last appointment I had let me in early because there was availability as soon as I arrived, so I got to leave earlier than expected.
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