Marycat1

So yesterday my XC team and I traveled to Louisville for a meet. Yesterday ended with my coach changing the restaurant plans last minute and TMI, starting my period. On top of it I have a deviated septum that has been causing me sinus problems for about three years now, and lately it has been making breathing very difficult at night. I am getting surgery for it in December, but for now am just using things that give me temporary relief like nasal sprays and an antihistamine.

This morning I woke up not knowing if I got any sleep or not, since my eyelids were heavy and I was confused. I still had enough energy to get through the day though. The day started with me struggling at breakfast. I normally eat my own food on race day, since I have particular things I like to eat on the day of the race, and run better when I eat those things, so I was pretty upset when my coach forced us all to eat breakfast together and made us get something from the breakfast counter. It was extremely difficult for me because they only had a few things I can handle eating, and about half the stuff was either unavailable or not ready yet. I finally settled on something, and ultimately it turned out ok.

At the race however, things took a turn for the worse, as it was extremely hot and we were expected to do well. I try to keep the pressure low because it eases my nerves before the race, but my coach had another idea apparently. I ran really well, my time wasn’t as good as I expected it to be, but I was still very content with it. Unfortunately, my coach made me jealous of the other girls, since apparently they all ran their best times. I beat three of them but unfortunately it wasn’t enough to satisfy my coach.

Right as we were walking to the bus, one of my male teammates started yelling at me to go back to the tent. I figured I had left something there or needed to help carry something, but it was actually that my coach wanted to talk to me. He started by asking how I felt during the race, since unlike the other girls on the team, my time was about 30 seconds slower than it was at this race last season. I didn’t know what to say since obviously I felt terrible, so I just answered that I felt 50/50. He then asked me what happened today and why I didn’t do better. I ended up telling him about my sinus problems and how they are affecting me lately, but he really didn’t seem to care, he just said, “I want you to get better, that’s my job, to help you get better.”

I know this is minor, but I wanted to rant to him so bad. Like seriously? It is 85 degrees out and the sun is glaring on us the entire race, I feel like crap because I’m on my period and nauseous, you keep changing the plans without telling us and forcing me to do stuff I don’t want to do, and burning the team out physically and mentally because you have us do these big workouts the day before the race, and you think my time is bad? I ran a damn good race. Considering the heat, course and problems with my sinuses, I did the best I could do today. At the end of the race I was exhausted, dumping buckets of water on my head and struggling to stay on my feet (this rarely happens) and you didn’t care! All you care about is the two fastest women on the team. What because I am the third fastest, I am less than them? We all deserve the same recognition. Maybe if you gave us information sooner, we would know what to expect, and be able to plan for it! Our old coach was similar, but at least he told us we did well after a race, no matter how terrible we did. Seriously…

Anyway, after the race we went to get food, and immediately afterwards, my coach asked if we had to go to the bathroom. Nobody did, so I stayed where I was. A few minutes later, someone on the team quietly whispered that they needed to go, and my coach SCREAMED at them to go, and then loudly announced to everyone to go if they needed to. That made me even more scared, since he has a tendency to call us out for every little move we make. I accidentally forgot to throw my food out at the next rest stop, and I can feel the nerves set in as he will yell at me and ask why I didn’t throw it away yet or why I ate so slow.

Now all the men on the team plus the coach are loudly laughing and screaming at every little thing, not surprisingly, while the women are trying to sleep. We still have about an hour to drive. I’m over being on the bus, getting yelled at for no reason, and just being nervous and pissed off at something.

To make this rant more positive, I am going to share some highlights of this trip. I managed to ask a teammate an important question, beat one of the girls on my team that I wanted to, told three of them that they did amazing (even though I am jealous of one because she is often favored by the coach), managed to order and receive food at every restaurant, and ultimately, kept up in this fast paced environment for most of the time without losing it at somebody (I did tell a teammate I was close to losing my temper when my coach said I did bad), but other than that, did really well. Sorry for the rant, but it needed to be announced.

So I’m on the cross country team in college, and occasionally, we have to travel for our meets. I really struggle with traveling. The packing, stops, sleeping away from college, and changes in plans always have me freaked out. We also have a new coach this season, and it will be just him traveling with us, since the two assistant coaches are gone now.

Today, we are traveling to Louisville, and I am super nervous. We have been driving for about four hours, but I’ve already been faced with a ton of hardships. It started last night. My coach texted us with details at the last minute. I have a really hard time when I’m not given details ahead of time, since I get nervous when I don’t know what to expect.

For example, last year, my three coaches had everything laid out for us the week before, and gave us additional details throughout the week. This is an example of the difference in plans from last year to this year:

Last year we had the following information: What time we were eating, where and when we were stopping, what we would be getting for food on the way and after, what race we were in and the time, what hotel we were in and who we were sleeping with, and what we would be doing once we arrived. This was all given to us a week in advance.

This year, we were only given what time we were eating and what we were doing when we arrived. My coach told us that we were going to decide what to eat when we are on the bus, and two weeks ago, came up with a stupid rule that once we eat at a certain restaurant, we will not go there again. My old coach was better, he always got us the same thing and even gave us a budget because he was cheap lol. I have a limited amount of places I can eat at due to my eating issues, so this was not easy for me to adjust to. It’s been especially hard because my coach always forces us to get something regardless if we want it or not.

Today I got extremely lucky, as my coach told us that we would be going to my two favorite restaurants. However, when we got in there, about half the stuff on the menu had run out, so I was left with only one safe option. I had no problem ordering it as I was literally the only person that knew what they wanted, so I went first. My coach was passing out the food, and when he got to me, said, “That’s all you got?” I was terrified because he has a very loud voice and tends to get loud whenever he is surprised, happy or angry. Anyway, I got my food, and realized that I didn’t have a spoon for it. I was terrified to speak up since everyone always looks at me funny or tends to single me out. I ended up eating with my hands and being discreet about it.

On top of it, I had an unexpected event happen earlier today. So when we got to our first stop, our coach forced us to get out and go to the bathroom. Once we got inside, the whole place was like a maze. Everything was scattered everywhere. When we finally got to the bathroom, we noticed that all the doors were closed but we couldn’t see under the stills, so we had to guess which ones were open. There were no labels, so we had no idea. One of my teammates went first, and she got in safely. I decided to take a risk and open one too, but to my surprise, there was a woman in there. She yelped when she saw me, and the whole girls team witnessed this. I was so embarrassed. Once I finally got to an open stall, I realized that there were no locks. Like seriously? What kind of bathroom doesn’t have a place to lock the doors?

I’m a little nervous for tonight because apparently we’re going out to dinner. I’m nervous about not having anyone to sit with, since this restaurant can only fit 4-8 to a table, and I really don’t talk to a lot of people on the team since 90% of them speak Spanish and I have no idea what they’re saying, plus I get super nervous to speak up sometimes.

I wanted to come on this trip to prove to my aunt that I can handle loud and fast paced environments, literally just so I can get a job, and also to get her to stop protecting me from the chaos, as all it’s done is make me struggle more. She has no idea about this trip, I am already taking a big step going on my own without my parents or family. I did it last year, but it was easy because I knew what to expect.

Has anyone else struggled with changes in plans and/or being on the quiet side? Sorry this just sounds like a big ranting session.

So there’s this girl in one of my classes who is autistic. She seems like a lot of fun, and I’ve had an interest in trying to make friends with her. The issue is, She has a tendency to constantly think out loud. She’s always shouting , complaining or moaning during class. On top of it, she’s one of those people that’s obsessed with academics and only expects perfection. Last year, We had a class together that I was not very good in. I complained to a friend about it because the teacher was a tough grader and was never willing to help me. Unfortunately, the girl overheard me and started yelling at me that it wasn’t that bad. She’s always a teacher’s pet, so I’m not surprised that she likes every class she’s in. I am the opposite of her, a quiet student with fair grades.

When she’s not constantly fixated on school, she actually a lot of fun. She often talks about children’s TV shows and school events. She also asks questions and the school, since she doesn’t live on campus. Another thing is that she’s very strict with people swearing, which might help me as I have a tendency to swear often. I haven’t interacted with her much since I often get annoyed by her, but also, because her and I both struggle with communication, and tend to get frustrated when we disagree with something somebody says. She’s also extremely sensitive, And only wants to talk about particular topics, Which I understand because I’m the same way, but her constant moaning and complaining drives me to not want to be around her.

What should I do? She seems like a really fun person and someone I can definitely benefit from, but at the same time she can be super annoying.

So for most of my life, I’ve struggled with lying. I know a lot of people with autism are honest and have a tendency to tell the truth no matter what. Despite being autistic, I have the opposite problem. I lie all the time.

From the simplest things to major concerns, lies have always been a part of my life. As a college student, The biggest thing I’ve lied about is my grades. My parents are always on my ass to do well and ask about my grades constantly. Because my parents can’t see them, I often have to show them over the computer. Luckily, for me, I can only show them what I want them. On the website that shows my grades, there is something called a what if score that you can use to test different scores to see how it will impact your grade. After you’re done using it, your score reverts back to what it originally was. I often use that to turn C’s into A’s, and just crop out the assignments that are marked as missing. This isn’t something I always do, only when I have a bad grade.

I also lie about my friendships. My parents often make the assumption that I’m lonely and don’t want me to spend the weekend in my dorm. I’m offended that they think that, as it is not the case at all. I do have friends in college, we just don’t hang out every single day. I am on the cross country team in college, and a big thing my parents assume is that that is where all my friends come from. While I enjoy being there and racing, I am far from being friends with any of them. 90% of them speak Spanish, and make jokes I don’t understand, or use slang. They are also Coaches pet’s, and insist on being perfect 24/7. They’ve all formed friendships, but I’m kinda just there. My mom was super worried about the original college I wanted to go to, and insisted I would be the minority of them, but really, I’m the minority here. I’m considering transferring, but ultimately I don’t know. So I lie to my parents and tell them I’m hanging out with friends when they call so that they aren’t worried, I’ve also turned off my location because oftentimes it shows when I’m in my dorm.

Another thing I lie about is sports. My coach wants us to trust him, and pushes us to tell him if we are injured or feel we are being overworked. The thing is, he has all the girls run the same pace, regardless of their level. Even when we tell him we aren’t ready for it, he says he wants us to try and run it. On the other hand, injuries are banned, meaning if we’re injured, he won’t let us run at all. Any injury, major or minor, banishes us to biking or sitting on the sidelines during races. I had a minor injury yesterday and today, but I haven’t said anything because we have an important race next week and I don’t want to be banned from going. I’m still taking care of myself though obviously. My old coach knew when I was injured and would put me as a liar when I said I was fine, but the difference is he actually allowed me to train and race as long as I felt ok.

As a kid, I would lie when I was nervous to do something. For example, I will be getting ready for school, And my mom would just randomly ask me, “Is your sister up yet,” Or “Can you get your sister up?” For whatever reason I get incredibly nervous when I’m asked to do this, not just towards my sister, but everybody. If I was on the phone with my parents, I would lie and tell them that I wasn’t home or was outside so I didn’t have to go check. Whenever I was honest though, my parents always told me it’s ok to lie. For example, one time I had accidentally broken a magnet on the fridge. It was a really small break so I just decided to glue it together and put it back on the fridge. Later on, my mom broke the piece that I glued back, and seemed upset about it. I ended up telling her that I did it, And she just laughed and told me I didn’t have to tell her, that she would’ve thought she broke herself. I was so embarrassed.

Another time, when my sister and I were kids, My mom would bake cookies, and my sister and I would always eat the cookie dough out of the mixing bowl. My mom would always ask us, “ Are you guys eating cookie dough?” We were really young, and at the time we just come clean that we were. Our mom would just laugh and say, “You’re supposed to say no Mom!” I have a big tendency to lie about food. One time, I ate a hot tub of feta cheese. A few days later We were eating breakfast, and my mom asked if we’ve seen it. We said we didn’t. Then she got all upset and said. “ I swear I bought a big tub of feta cheese, I know I did!” I got really nervous and eventually came clean and told her I ate it. My mom looked at me, and said a very loud and shocked tone, “Are you serious?” I freaked out and told her I was sorry, and she said, “No, it’s ok, I’m just shocked that you ate it all.” That really embarrass me because of my eating problems, I normally don’t eat a lot in front of my family, but eat large quantities of the things I can eat. Often times it stuns my parents. I don’t like my parents being shocked at how much I eat or don’t eat, so I often lie about it, and eat large amounts when I am away from them.

Lying has become a big part of my life. I know I shouldn’t be doing it, but sometimes, It makes me feel safe and calm. Has anybody else felt like this?

So I’m getting a septoplasty in a few months, And I’m really nervous about it. I’m mainly just worried about the pain, I’ve heard it causes a lot of discomfort, but the biggest thing I’m worried about is the pampering afterwards.

It sounds really stupid, but I absolutely hate being pampered. Sure, I enjoy occasionally getting things that I want, but I cannot stand being treated like a child, especially when I’m helpless after surgery. For example, my first ever surgery was when I was 16. I was getting my wisdom teeth out, but I was given the choice of whether or not I wanted to be asleep for the procedure. I decided I wanted to stay awake, since I was worried I would say something stupid because of the anesthesia, But also, because I was worried about the pampering afterwards. I figured it wouldn’t be a big deal, since my mom told me she was awake when she had her wisdom teeth out too, and it wasn’t so bad. Ultimately, the procedure went fine, But the pampering before and afterwards had me really nervous. It started when my mom picked me up from school to go get my surgery. I got in the car and immediately noticed that it was filled with my squishmallows (I only have two, but they are large and take up a lot of space). My mom stated that “they wanted to come” lol. She also mentioned I would probably want to sleep afterwards so they would be there. I was skeptical because I don’t like it when people watch me sleep, especially my parents. Luckily the procedure went really well and I felt fine afterwards. However, the pampering continued when we got home. My mom told me she had made a bed for me upstairs in her room with the tv just in case I wanted to rest up there. She then nagged me about all the medication I had to take. At the time I listened to her, but didn’t enjoy the pampering.

Later that year, I got my tonsils out. I felt good after the procedure, not 100% obviously, but good enough to function independently. When I was in recovery, I was texting my dad letting him know I was ok(he has really bad anxiety and worries whenever someone gets a surgery). He kept texting me, telling me how much pampering I was going to receive when I got home that night. I didn’t really care at the time because I was helpless out of it, but I was more moody when I got home. Immediately after walking in the door, my dad started talking to me loudly and in a baby voice. He said, “Mary! How can I pamper you?” At the time it didn’t really bother me because I was still out of it, My parents told me I should go to sleep because I hadn’t slept yet post surgery, And they were shocked that I didn’t sleep. That’s when I got really mad and lost my temper.

Now comes a topic that’s the opposite of pampering, pressure. At my most recent procedure, I had an endoscopy done because I’ve been having problems with my esophagus. I felt good post surgery but was kind of dizzy and tired. I asked my mom prior to the surgery if we could go grocery shopping for some of the foods that I was supposed to eat afterwards. She said she would take me, but never got the chance to. Immediately after surgery, I was hungry since I hadn’t eaten anything since the night before, and of course, that’s what my mom wanted to get groceries. I originally planned to make a list to give to my mom with all the stuff that I wanted to eat for the next couple days. My memory was kind of foggy, and my hands were pretty tired. Because I love grocery shopping and picking out my own stuff, I decided to just go in with my mom. Right off the bat, I started feeling dizzy, and my mom was walking really fast. I asked her to slow down, and we picked up all the food that I wanted. Afterwards, however, She pushed me to help her load the car and carry all the stuff inside when we got home. After that, she asked me to do chores. I wasn’t supposed to do any heavy lifting or strenuous activities for 48 hours, so all this made me really tired. Later, my dad came home, And in the baby voice, asked me how I was feeling. Then later on, my mom started nagging me about stuff, And that was the breaking point for me. I made it very clear to my mom that I needed a day to rest, And she said that was ok.

Has anyone else felt this way About pampering/pressure?

So I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow morning. My parents said that they would be picking me up from college the night before (since I’m not a good driver and can’t drive myself). My mom is out of town for the day as she had to take my grandma to the hospital because she was getting surgery. My mom was sure she would be staying in the hospital overnight, and told me she would be bringing her mom’s dog home with her until my grandma got out of the hospital. I had planned to see her, especially since my dad (an obnoxiously realistic Scorpio), told me that this might be the last time I get to see her because she is sick and mentioned that she might die. This frustrated me because it isn’t at all true, my dad just likes to mention the worst scenario in everything. It also terrified me as my grandma’s other dog was put down about two weeks ago, and I’d hate for her to lose both of her dogs so close to each other.

Anyway, the plan was to get picked up at about 7:30 at night, and see my grandma’s dog and play with her and stuff. However, my grandma actually ended up being discharged (which I’m really glad she was), but it meant that I would not get to see her dog. Also, my dad called me at about 5:00, telling me that he was here and ready to pick me up. Like there was no preparation, no plan, no discussion, just last minute change.

So now I’m in the back seat of my dad’s car, frustrated. My dad doesn’t understand why I’m so mad, he just told me I’m being cranky and that he was going to stop talking. Now he’s all nervous/optimistic, blasting his music and jamming while tapping the steering wheel. Before this he asked if I had wanted McDonald’s since I mentioned it last night. Like seriously? He told me he doesn’t have time to watch TV or hang out with me tonight, but he has time to stop and get McDonald’s? He also is constantly complaining about the traffic which is making me feel even worse.

Does anyone else get this way when plans change?

For the last few years, I’ve been feeling like my sister is better than me, at everything. It started in 2022 when she started high school. She is a band nerd and has went to state band three years in a row with almost zero help from my parents. She is also driven to be an academic scholar, And has maintained a 4.0 GPA for probably three years.

I on the other hand, was a retard who didn’t know what the hell they were doing. I was always in special education, At first, it was for social reasons, But since going into high school, is entirely about academics. My parents insist I need it because otherwise I’ll just flunk out of school. They nagged me 24/7 to get my work done, and constantly corrected it if it was wrong. In sixth grade, My parents constantly bragged about my 3.6 GPA, And saying how proud they were of me. I don’t understand why, because they did all the work for me. They also pushed me to taking anxiety medication, because apparently I was in my room and crying a lot. They claimed to see dramatic improvements, but really, I saw none. The anxiety wasn’t caused or treated by medication or the stress of school, But rather because I was being nagged more than I could handle.

I was in band too, but my mom was always nagging me and telling me I wasn’t good enough. She constantly glared at me, and forced me to do things exactly the way my teacher had told me. I felt like I could never do anything right. In the end, I ended up quitting band because I couldn’t take the constant pressure my mom was putting on me.

Since that time, my parents were just nag, nag, nag. If I got a 90% on an assignment, My parents would make me redo it to get 100%. If I flunked something, My parents would ask me who my special education teacher was, And forced me to email them to redo it and get all the help I could. My mom would constantly label me as a “spec ed” kid, and I felt so embarrassed. However, They never pressure, my sister, and she is better than I’ll ever be. She’s also 2.5 years younger than me, so it’s embarrassing to be seen as dumb as I am.

It’s not just school that my parents make me feel stupid in, but also in life. It took months to decide where I was going to college, because my parents insisted That I stay local at a technical school for kids in special education because They were worried about me going off on my own not being able to keep my grades up, And they didn’t believe I would be able to advocate for myself if I needed something. Ultimately, I ended up getting into a four year college, And my parents insisted I get disability services and also a single room because I apparently need as much support as I can get. I ended up getting a single room because my mom forced me to do it, But I have not applied to disability services, nor have I used any resources available to me. As an adult, I can make my own decisions. I have flourished as a college student, applying for jobs and getting interviews, speaking up when I need something, and making friends. My grades are fair, Not 4.0 GPA worthy, but fair.

However, I feel extremely embarrassed whenever I’m at home and my parents are talking to people about how well my sister is doing. They’re always talking about how she’s learning drive and that she’s a great driver. My dad told me this morning that she’ll be taking her drivers test and getting her license in a few weeks, where I have yet to drive on my own after getting my license because my parents don’t think I’m good enough. They also boast to me that she’s already got an interview and job set up despite having no proof of it and make me feel below her there even though I have had several interviews.

It’s the same with college, My parents were on my ass for months about making a decision with my life, yet with my sister, they let her do whatever she wants. She graduates high school in about seven months.

The only place my parents are supportive of me is in my writing and extracurricular activities. My parents tell me that I’m an amazing writer, yet don’t ever talk to me about my writing though, even when I ask for feedback. It felt like they didn’t believe in me. They told me they wouldn’t send me to college to become an author if they didn’t believe I was good enough, and that has stuck with me since I’ve heard it. It makes me feel like I really am a good writer and will make it far in the future.

Has anybody else experienced feeling less than their younger siblings?

So I called my mom because I have a cold and am trying to figure out how to treat it since what I have been doing didn’t seem to help, and she told me that my sister has the same cold. For whatever reason I hate sharing things with my family / being sick at the same time, so I was already upset.

I was trying to stay calm, but then my mom told me that my sister is really sick and has been out of school for three days coughing with a really bad cold. I’m so scared. Luckily for me I’m away at college and can’t hear any of it, but I can only imagine how awful it sounds (coughing is my biggest Misophonia trigger). On top of it there is a girl in my class who is extremely loud and has a tendency to cough and sneeze constantly. Like me, she has Autism, but also has a tendency to think out loud. Because of her constant noises, I’m set off a lot. I don’t tell her how I’m feeling because I know she can’t help it but it is so frustrating sometimes.

I’m so angry, I’m crying writing this because I can hear my sister’s coughs even though she’s not here, I can imagine them. Luckily I calmed down after about ten minutes of wearing earplugs. It would’ve been so much easier if my mom just didn’t tell me how bad her cold was, because now I’m all worried about getting sicker and melting down. I’ve tried to tell her not to tell me this stuff but she has ADD and has a tendency to forget. Does anyone else have a similar experience?

So for the last three years, I’ve had horrible postnasal drip. It started when I was 16 years old in October 2022. I had a sinus infection and it made me not feel so great. I was more tired than usual, and overall, just not myself.

Since that time, I’ve been getting a lot of sore throats that usually end up turning into a cold. From the colds, I’ve had a lot of thick, yellow green mucus, and lots of nausea. I’m assuming the nausea from the remaining mucus that’s dripped down the back of my throat that I couldn’t get out. I’ve had a poor immune system since I was a kid. I don’t know if it’s because I was born premature, but I’ve always got really sick when I’ve had a cold. As a kid, I would always throw up and as a result, lose weight. I developed emetophobia when I was about eight years old, and as a result, haven’t thrown up in about 10 years. I still get pretty nauseous and lose my appetite whenever I have a cold. Since the whole postnasal drip thing started, I’ve had several colds, I don’t remember how many but if I had to take a guess I’d say between two and three per year. Yesterday, I came down with my first cold in about six months, But the mucus is stuck and won’t come out of my throat, so I’ve had to swallow it. Normally, I just take the DayQuil and NyQuil and it comes right out, but this time it’s being stubborn. I don’t know if it’s related to my deviated septum or not.

I’ve taken every allergy medication over-the-counter and tried every at home remedy I could think of. I’ve seen multiple doctors and taken several antihistamines to try and stop it. Nothing has worked. In May of this year, I decided to see a different ENT now that I am an adult. She noticed I had a deviated septum, but she also noticed that my esophagus was looking pretty rough. She referred me to a G.I. doctor, Since I have been having stomach and esophagus issues prior to this. He did an endoscopy, but said that everything looked good. I went back to the ENT, and she suggested I do a CT scan before I make the decision to consider surgery. She kept trying to talk me out of it, Saying to really think about it because it’s a life changing surgery. I asked for her opinion, but she said it’s up to me. All my other doctors noticed the deviation and said that I might benefit from the surgery. I agree agree with them, however, they aren’t the ENT so I don’t know for sure. I’m scheduled for surgery later this year and I’m super nervous and the pain and anesthesia.

Does anybody have experience with post nasal drip or getting a septoplasty, and what did you do about it?

So for most of my life, I’ve struggled with my eating, But not in the way that most people do. I was born very premature, Which meant several issues with my health. Most of my issues are oral. I have TMJ, Along with a number of dental issues that cause me pain and discomfort. I also have GERD and Dysphagia. For years, I would always do the same food and would have to have a separate meal from my family. I lived off of soup and ice cream until I turned 15, which was when my dental issues were finally noticed and treated. Since that time, I have been able to eat much more, And not have to worry so much about mealtime.

However, When it comes to restaurants, I always want to go to the same two places, Because they have food that’s easy to eat and also will be sure to fill me up. My parents don’t understand and often tell me_ that they’re sick of these restaurants and ask me if I wanna go somewhere else for a change. The problem is, My parents and sister all like the same food, And often times the restaurants they pick have things that can’t eat or don’t like. Sometimes I will push myself to eat there, but other times I do not. My big issue is making a decision.

My family is always talking about eating better because they are overweight. When they do go to restaurants and I don’t want something from there, My family offers an alternative choice. I know it’s going to sound stupid, but it makes me really upset to have to eat different meals to my family, So I often waffle back and forth, and can’t make a decision because I am also craving the alternative option even though I am embarrassed by eating a separate meal. Sometimes I just want to eat normal. My mom tells me if I don’t want something to just say I’m good, But the problem is, My dad will often make things worse and make it harder for me to decline.

For example, last summer, My sister wanted to go to a restaurant to celebrate her birthday. The original place she chose was closed, So she had to choose another option. That option ended up being a place that I can’t really eat much at, so I told my dad that It was OK and that I would just eat something else at home. He asked if I wanted an alternative option, and I told him it was OK, Because I was too embarrassed to be eating a separate meal from my family. He then got very firm, and said, “ You really want to forego this birthday dinner?” I began to waffle back and forth, but eventually stood my ground that I would be fine. He agreed, asked a couple minutes later asked In a worried tone, “Are you sure? Do you want me to get you some chicken strips or something?” I got really upset. Not only can I not eat chicken strips, but I just wanted to stick to a decision. I ended up waffling back and forth and getting angry, and my dad got mad and wouldn’t let me get anything then.

This reminded me of another time that my dad pushed me to eat. So my dad got he, my sister and I Domino’s while we watched football. I ate a slice of pizza and some Parmesan bites. My mom was out with her friends, But later, she came home with a box of chicken strips. She said they were for me, and I asked her why. She told me that my dad had called her and said that I had hardly eaten anything from Domino’s, so he asked if She could pick something up for me.

I was furious. I didn’t say anything to my parents for a minute because I was so mad. My mom said that I didn’t have to eat them, And that I could give them to the dog if I didn’t want them. I began to have a meltdown, and asked her why she would do this to me. She gave me the same response, “You hardly ate anything from Domino’s!” I gave up, And then went to my dad to take my anger out on him. He said he was worried that I didn’t eat much, I told him that I had had plenty. He said that I was making a big deal out of nothing, and then said that I didn’t want the chicken strips, he would eat them. I was so mad in that moment, that I lost my control, took a chicken strip out of the box, and threw it at my dad. My dad just joked around and threw it back at me, again saying as making a big deal out of nothing. I did the same thing again, through the chicken strip at my dad. He said I have one more shot, If I threw it at him again, he was taking them away. I don’t know why he kept giving me chances. He should’ve just took them away in the first place. This made me so angry, And while I regret doing this, I think it needed to be done. My dad needs to understand That just because I don’t always eat something from a restaurant like they do, it doesn’t mean I’m going to go hungry, and that if I want something, I will ask for it. I’ve tried telling my parents how I feel, but they just tell me that it’s a nice gesture and to be grateful for it.

Just the other day, My aunt kept pushing me to eat. I was eating a couple raspberries, and I realized that they had gone bad. So I threw them away and ate a granola bar instead. But my aunt was not satisfied with that. She kept asking me if I wanted a banana. I told her I was fine, Then she asked if I wanted an orange, and then strawberries, and so on. It feels like she’s doing it just to annoy me. I asked her why I’m allowed to eat things that the rest of the family isn’t, And she said because I’m skinny and healthy. Well, this is true, I wanted her to know that just cause I’m healthy on the outside, doesn’t mean I’m healthy on the inside. I told her that I’m a prediabetic, and she stopped immediately.

This wasn’t entirely the case, But ultimately it could be. Half of my family has diabetes, including my mom, and I’ve gained a lot of weight over the last year because I’ve been able to eat so much more. My mom noticed that my stomach’s getting larger and that it looks like a diabetic person’s stomach. Since then, I’ve been trying to eat healthier. Ultimately, I am very healthy, as I run six days a week and eat a fair diet. As a college student though, I eat a lot of junk food as well, And the risk of me getting diabetes is higher because my mom had it when she was pregnant with me, and it contributed to my birthweight.

Has anybody else experienced embarrassment from eating in the same way that I have? And if so, how did you fix it?

So I’m currently on the verge of tears because I’ve had an extremely difficult weekend. My Misophonia was awful. I am extremely triggered by my mom yawning. I’ve learned to not overreact, but I still glare sometimes, and she notices and whispers “sorry” while glaring at me. Her sister is ten times worse. She has a tendency to make my trigger noises louder on purpose (probably to get me used to them), yet she kind of does it in a baby voice (because she coddles me 24/7). Anyway, her yawns were so loud and violent along with my grandfather’s. On top of it my grandma’s dog got put down today. My mom offered to take me to her house on the way home to hopefully comfort her, and I said yes. Unfortunately, my grandma wasn’t in the mood for visitors, which completely broke my heart, I’m so sensitive lol. I was ready to break down, but thankfully held it together.

Tonight however, I am slowly losing my patience. I came home to my younger sister coughing, which is another big trigger of mine. She wants to go with my dad to take me back to college tomorrow but I don’t want her to. Normally I love it when she comes, but I’m so afraid she will cough and I will get upset. I also can’t decide what time to go back. My dad normally wants to go as early as possible because of the traffic, but tonight for whatever reason he told me the sky is the limit and he’s willing to take me whenever. I’ve had a hard time communicating because I simply can’t decide! Do I go early in the morning and risk my dad yawning constantly, or do I go in the afternoon and have to hear my sister coughing all day?

I don’t know what to do. My dad said he doesn’t believe I’ll be ready by 10 so he’s planning to go for a drive and to call him if I’m ready. My plan is to hopefully get up early and just go before the chaos gets worse, but ultimately I don’t know what I want to do.

I’ve always had a hard time with talking. I was the quiet kid in class and was always seen as “so shy,” or “so quiet.” Even at home I was quiet. There would be something I wanted, like a snack or drink, but would be too afraid to ask for it. My family noticed it in school but not so much at home. Once I got to middle school, they began to pressure me to talk more. It started with my mom joking around at my IEP meeting, that if I talked to my Special Education teacher, that she would be all excited and listen to me. I dislike praise so I continued to avoid it. When high school came, my mom told me that I can’t just shut down when a teacher calls on me, and that if I don’t know the answer, to just say, “I’m not sure.” This made me mad because I hated all the pressure to talk, but also because I hated that particular class. My mom claimed I came out of my shell in middle school when she pushed me to go to a friend’s house, and if I was truly too nervous, to invite them to our house. We were practically neighbors so I did just that. My mom got all excited and made a huge post to her friend (she pressures her kid to be friends with literally everyone in the school lol). Anyway, she was all excited and told her friend what I had done and how I was really breaking out of my shell. For whatever reason I had a tendency to read my moms texts at that time, so I found a lot of stuff she said about me and my issues socializing. She believes my improvements began in middle school and that it was because I was taking an anxiety medication. This however, is not the case. My big social breakthrough happened when I was in my junior year of high school and my English teacher pressured us to talk. About half the class was quiet and never really spoke up. One day the teacher asked for our opinion on something and got really frustrated when nobody answered her. She continued to pressure us, and eventually, I raised my hand and spoke up. I continued to do this throughout the year. Once I got to college however, my mom continued with the pressure, but only in classes I wasn’t good at. She would say things like, “You better have the courage to speak up and ask your teacher questions!” My second semester of college, I ended up doing fairly well, but it wasn’t because of my mom’s pressure, but rather my passion for English and workshopping my pieces. I also used social stories to help me communicate and not feel so nervous. However, I still have a hard time asking for things I need/want, like snacks or support about adult skills. Does anyone else feel this way?