Serial Experiments Lain

■Lda055 (13A-8)

I’ll come up with a solution by myself. By myself. I should be able to do
that by now.

#lain

■Lda054 (13A-15)

Yesterday, I entered the host as I was taught. It was surprisingly easy.
They might say I’m a prodigy or something of that sort. When I downloaded
the log to investigate, there were tracks left visitors. It went through
several sites, seeming to be sent from everywhere there was a BBS. I mailed
that person again, and assumed he had set a trap. That person cannot go
excused for that kind of thing. I’m not going to give up in frustration.

#lain

■Lda053 (13A-14)

When I told my Internet acquaintances about that mail, Mr. Rabbit taught me
how to trace it. If the host logs haven’t been cleared out, I might be able
to track the sender.

It’s really a wrong thing to do, but acting like a detective gets my heart
racing. Because of the bad things over there, being almost as bad is okay,
isn’t it? I’m a bad child after all. I can’t help being able to say that my
personality is problematic.

But it’s because I’m weird. Am I weird? Hey, you’re strange, aren’t you, Mr.
Rabbit?

#lain

■Lda052 (13A-0)

Mother, are you anxious about me? It’s because I’m so strange. But it’s
alright. Because I won’t trouble you, Mother.

#lain

■Lda051 (13A-7)

Today I saw Father off. Mother also seemed lonely. On the escalator, I
don’t know how many times she looked back and waved to him.

On the way home, Mother took me to a restaurant. It was very busy and
the food was delicious, but I think that tomorrow when it’s just the two
of us, it’ll be a little lonely. Mother’s really becoming lonely, and I kind of
hate it.

God, I pray that Father comes home safely.

#lain

■Lda050 (13A-6)

Father’s job seems tough. When I grow up, I want to become a person who
can work, too. I want to become a person good at living a life of self-
confidence, just like my father.

#lain

■Lda049 (13A-5)

Dinner today was lonely. Father’s going away on an extended business trip.
He told me so suddenly, and I was so surprised that I couldn’t tell him
anything. He said he’d be gone for about two months; however, I had
started crying and I couldn’t eat anymore. Father made a sort of worried
face, and he hugged me tightly. Tomorrow, I’m going together with Father
to the airport to see him off.

#lain

■Lda048 (12A-21)

Today, when I decoded emails that had been sent together, there was a
dead baby’s corpse. I still don’t know the sender; however, I wonder if it
was from the author of that distasteful game… Opening that email is a
little frightening.

But I can’t leave this place. At least, not until I go to middle school and
start having a normal life. When I go to middle school, I’ll be busy with lots
of things, enjoying myself with friends and all that, so since I might stop
coming online, I’ll start studying completely from home from now on.

#lain

■Lda047 (12A-20)

They say today is the start of spring break, but I’ve been on holiday up
to now. When I hang around the library and read books on Unix, a boy
around university age sits next to me and gives me odd looks. There’s lots
of difficult kanji and technical terms and stuff; however, I think I might
like things like that. Japanese words and other things are more amusing
than arithmetic, so I shouldn’t worry at all. I’m starting to be able to
speak a little English, so I can now understand a considerable amount of it,
but there’s much more I still don’t understand.

I should try listening to my father next time. But I wonder if my father will
be like that boy, and give me a weird look.

#lain

■Lda046 (12A-13)

What does everyone think of me? Does anybody think anything of me?

#lain

■Lda045 (12A-12)

It was my graduation ceremony, but I didn’t want to go. If I’m going to go
to middle school, I have to go properly. Absolutely. I promise. I don’t want
Mother to worry or anything like that.

She cleaned my clothing for me, didn’t she? Thank you, Mother.

I’m sorry.

#lain

■Lda044 (12A-11)

I’ve started to find online games. My friends told me about a pyramid
scheme game, where you sell tickets to your friends to earn money. But I’m
not really into it, because whenever you get money, people resent you.
Because of that, people who try to kill you appear, and that incites the
resentful people. At first, I thought, what kind of game is this? But rather
than being afraid of it, I just started getting a bad feeling. I didn’t want
to cry.

With the impression the game gave me, I entered the author’s email address,
and I sent my honest impressions by mail. Where I am now seems to be
polluted, and somewhat lonely. I don’t like places like this. Everyone seems to
be happily laughing and enjoying this. Is it just not for me?

#lain

■Lda043 (12A-4)

Maybe Kyoko-chan could perhaps be worried about me. I hope so.

#lain

■Lda041 (12A-2)

Today I played online all day again. My online self was surprisingly honest. My
handle is LAIN.

However, it seems that at the moment nobody knows that I’m a girl.
Whenever I see something interesting, I send a mail so they can tell me more,
all my close friends. When I’m here, nobody ever bullies me.

If I look at the monitor all day, my eyes hurt. But even if my eyes get bad,
this is good for me.

#lain

■Lda040 (11A-18)

The network is mysterious. When I’m there, nobody can see my face, so I’m
not embarrassed. Somehow, I seem to become a different person. There are
all sorts of people there, and whenever I worry about there being trouble,
there’s kind and gentle people there. When people are nice to me, I can’t
help but feel happy.

#lain

■Lda039 (11A-17)

When I told my father a story from my PC communication service, he did all
sorts of difficult configurations and setups for me so I could start
connecting. While my dad reads all sorts of books, when we’re a connected
pair for about 5 hours, and until my mother calls and calls for him, I’m
overjoyed.

It’s so happy in this sort of family of three, but I realize it won’t be for
long. I no longer go to school or things like that, so Father and Mother
won’t be fun anymore, either.

I’m sorry.

#lain

■Lda038 (11A-16)

I gave the Navi my father bought me a name. I called it “LAIN”. I’m all
alone again. It’s my only friend. But when I go to middle school, I’ll make
some real friends. Isn’t the first meeting essential? If I’m cheerful, nobody
will hate me, right?

#lain

■Lda037 (11A-23)

Is there meaning where I am? Does anybody need me?

#lain

■Lda036 (11A-15)

Today, when I went to school, Kamiya-sensei told me that since it’s already
been decided I can graduate, I don’t need to force myself to come to
school. Does she hate it whenever I come? Because of my trouble I’m being
made to graduate, and they want me to go away. But I’m never going back.

#lain

■Lda035 (11A-14)

My teacher came again. I’m allowed to go on to middle school. My mother
bowed to her many, many times. I’m sorry, Mother. Because when I go to
middle school, I won’t trouble you like that anymore, okay?

#lain

■Lda034 (11A-7)

Today, Father stayed home from work and told me stories all day. He’s so
nice. If I changed schools, I wonder if I’d be able to make friends again.
Maybe school would be fun. I wish I could transfer to the school where
Tomo-kun is.

#lain

■Lda033 (11A-6)

Kamiya-sensei came to my house and talked with my mother. Mother was
making a worried face. If I’m absent any more, I can’t graduate. Father
and Mother were talking to me after dinner. My mother was crying and my
father was troubled.

Am I a bad daughter? I wish I could have erased myself.

#lain

■Lda032 (11A-5)

It’s horrible. I’m scribbling at my desk. Kyoko-chan won’t talk to me, as
usual. If she won’t, I won’t. If only I could go out with Tomo-kun. I feel
like everyone would smile at us. I don’t want to go to school again.

#lain

■Lda031 (10A-22)

I can’t believe the story Touko-san told me. I am absolutely never going
back there. After all, I’ve hated this. I’m also not going to continue
writing in this diary. I don’t need to keep things like diaries. So, I won’t
do things like writing anymore. Every day it’s the same sort of thing; I’m
just going to school. On holidays and at lunch I’m all alone.

I have nobody to talk to.

#lain

■Lda030 (10A-21)

Touko-san’s an idiot.

#lain