Tom Swifty Jokes

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A place to share and appreciate Tom Swifty jokes.

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  1. No bigotry allowed.

  2. Put the whole joke in the title.

  3. If posting a joke taken from elsewhere, cite the source and trim links of any metadata.

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Nemo@midwest.social
Nemo@slrpnk.net
listing: all - local
1
5
"That's the last time I'll ever observe a Catholic holiday", Tom said unrelentingly. (midwest.social)
submitted 4 months ago by funwiththoughts@midwest.social to c/tomswifty@midwest.social
0 comments fedilink
2
1
"I'm ready, you can start drawing the portrait now", Tom said imposingly. (midwest.social)
submitted 4 months ago by funwiththoughts@midwest.social to c/tomswifty@midwest.social
0 comments fedilink
3
7
"I managed to take over the throne AND to lose weight", Tom was thinking (midwest.social)
submitted 4 months ago by funwiththoughts@midwest.social to c/tomswifty@midwest.social
0 comments fedilink
4
3
"Why is my urine black?" asked Tom inquisitively. (slrpnk.net)
submitted 5 months ago by Nemo@slrpnk.net to c/tomswifty@midwest.social
2 comments fedilink
 
 

I had previously posted this on reddit and it's still my favorite.

5
5
"You done fucked up, A. A. Ron", the substitute said erroneously. (slrpnk.net)
submitted 7 months ago by Nemo@slrpnk.net to c/tomswifty@midwest.social
0 comments fedilink
6
4
"There's one for each male child", Tom said personally. (midwest.social)
submitted 7 months ago by funwiththoughts@midwest.social to c/tomswifty@midwest.social
0 comments fedilink
7
6
"I only wear kilts now," said Tom expansively. (slrpnk.net)
submitted 7 months ago by Nemo@slrpnk.net to c/tomswifty@midwest.social
1 comments fedilink
8
5
"I think we should have more waterfowl", Tom said productively. (midwest.social)
submitted 10 months ago by funwiththoughts@midwest.social to c/tomswifty@midwest.social
1 comments fedilink
9
6
"I'm going to take a break from claiming souls for a while", Death said, repressed. (midwest.social)
submitted 10 months ago by funwiththoughts@midwest.social to c/tomswifty@midwest.social
1 comments fedilink
10
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"Lacking", Tom said without meaning. (midwest.social)
submitted 1 year ago by funwiththoughts@midwest.social to c/tomswifty@midwest.social
1 comments fedilink
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"Why can't you ever be on time?" Tom said belatedly. (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 1 year ago by pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/tomswifty@midwest.social
0 comments fedilink
12
5
"That faint odour just came back", Tom said reminiscently. (midwest.social)
submitted 2 years ago by funwiththoughts@midwest.social to c/tomswifty@midwest.social
0 comments fedilink
13
4
"Trump needs a better running mate", Tom dispensed. (midwest.social)
submitted 2 years ago by funwiththoughts@midwest.social to c/tomswifty@midwest.social
0 comments fedilink
14
5
"We are not cousins", Tom said unrelatedly. (midwest.social)
submitted 2 years ago by funwiththoughts@midwest.social to c/tomswifty@midwest.social
0 comments fedilink
15
4
"You just left ninety-nine hundreths of that cake!", exclaimed Tom extremely obtusely. (lemmy.ml)
submitted 2 years ago by tetris11@lemmy.ml to c/tomswifty@midwest.social
1 comments fedilink
16
5
"It looks like you, and it does everything you do, and yet it isn't you", Tom said on reflection. (midwest.social)
submitted 2 years ago by funwiththoughts@midwest.social to c/tomswifty@midwest.social
0 comments fedilink
17
3
"Tom got here after the other two", Tom said in third-person. (midwest.social)
submitted 2 years ago by funwiththoughts@midwest.social to c/tomswifty@midwest.social
0 comments fedilink
18
3
"It's fair in this specific context", Tom said just in case. (midwest.social)
submitted 2 years ago by funwiththoughts@midwest.social to c/tomswifty@midwest.social
0 comments fedilink
19
5
"Well, Pumbaa, you should know that I've already bested your little friend at Battleship", Tom said sanctimoniously. (midwest.social)
submitted 2 years ago by funwiththoughts@midwest.social to c/tomswifty@midwest.social
0 comments fedilink
20
3
"Large semi-aquatic herbivores are vital to the health of the ecosystem", Tom said hypocritically. (midwest.social)
submitted 2 years ago by funwiththoughts@midwest.social to c/tomswifty@midwest.social
0 comments fedilink
21
3
"I might not have kids, but I can still self-identify as a father", Tom said transparently. (midwest.social)
submitted 2 years ago by funwiththoughts@midwest.social to c/tomswifty@midwest.social
0 comments fedilink
22
3
"This whole dissertation is a load of crap", Tom said in abstract. (midwest.social)
submitted 2 years ago by funwiththoughts@midwest.social to c/tomswifty@midwest.social
0 comments fedilink
23
1
"Veronica is much too formal," she said with irony. (midwest.social)
submitted 2 years ago by Nemo@midwest.social to c/tomswifty@midwest.social
0 comments fedilink
 
 

OC

24
2
"That AA Milne adaptation was crap," Tom pooh-poohed. (midwest.social)
submitted 2 years ago by Nemo@midwest.social to c/tomswifty@midwest.social
0 comments fedilink
 
 

OC, first posted

25
2
"Other guys never want to hang out with me," mentioned Tom. (midwest.social)
submitted 2 years ago by Nemo@midwest.social to c/tomswifty@midwest.social
0 comments fedilink
 
 

OC, first posted

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