That happens often, usually to people who have gone through a childhood full of arguing (not necessarily with them, might be the parents just fighting a lot).
this post was submitted on 16 Nov 2025
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I get that but it's likely due to my CPTSD from a lifetime of being screamed at.
lifetime of being screamed at
Ayyyy, same, lol
Agree, being in an environment that is tense, angry or violent makes me unbelievably uneasy. No matter if I'm involved or not.
Whoa you put into words what I have been looking for my whole life. Glad to be with all of you who experienced the same. Good to know I'm not the only one, but sucks to hear you all have had same thing.
Hope all of you in the thread are doing well in life. You all got this!
PTSD
I can 100% confirm this.
This for me, but I don't feel the same if the argument is in a language I don't know / understand.
Somehow, being yelled at in Cantonese feels like it hurts my feelings more. Like... it feels more "intimate", its much more personal. Only family uses it, so it feel worse when Cantonese (or sometimes Taishanese) is used. Like I feel like it activates a different part of my bain that's closer to emotions, while English, even though it can still be terrifying, is slightly more distant.
English, is more like someone outside trying to breach your house, Cantonese, feels like mom chasing you around the house and beat you as if you are still 7 years old and too young to defend yourself.
Yepppp
I wouldn't say it's unnormal.
It's a bit more severe, but I don't know anybody that doesn't feel uncomfortable when people are arguing near them. Some definitely mind more than others.
I'm usually annoyed, not uncomfortable.
For me it depends on the type of yelling. If it looks like anyone might be in danger then I'm super activated, or if it's an adult yelling at a kid then I'm very upset, but if it's something like a boyfriend and girlfriend arguing about something juicy then I'm like oooo!
I had an American friend who was hanging out with me in grade school. My mom asked if my friend wanted to stay for dinner in Taiwanese and he asked me if he should go home because he thought my mom was mad and yelling at me.
Yeah that may be a sign of trauma. It's a symptom I have
I grew up in a house where my parents intentionally never raised their voices.
It’s made me unflappable in the face of shouting, but also resulted in years of misery as I learned a constructive way to handle raised voices outside of the safety of my home.
Coughing on the other hand… triggers my fight/flight every time.
I'm not sure i understand the cough thing, is it because that's what they would do as their biggest sign of upsetness?
Nope; I have no idea why. Cough seems hardwired to my “this person is about to die!” reflex, compounded with “…and they’re transmitting whatever is killing them to me!”
I can’t think of any traumatic childhood events that would have conditioned this response.
I know the feeling, a cough causes an instant panic for me.
We dont raise our voices in the home, if it happens it's very rare and under exceptional circumstances and wondered as I've my kids are getting older how they would handle if/when people yelled at them outside the home and how I could prepare them for it except letting them know it's going to happen and you can't control other people's actions (to a degree)
it depends. you mention "intense fear" as opposed to being uncomfortable or uneasy or feeling slightly threatened. that would be the average response, i'd think. if you have a history of abuse or trauma, then your intense fear may be a disordered response.
Like my fight or flight meter skyrockets and I feel like I’m in danger.
You should feel afraid, it's a normal reaction.
People yelling and getting into loud arguments in public with others around is a sure sign that they are socially unaware or ignorant and find it completely normal to raise their voice in argument with strangers and in public. It means their social norms involve not caring about making others uncomfortable and in not minding letting others see how dysfunctional their lives are.
I'm always afraid of people like this because if they don't mind yelling or having loud arguments with those close to them while others are around .. it often means that you can land in the line of fire at one point.
I don't like people that yell and have loud arguments in public ... I usually avoid them.
It could also mean that they're feeling their emotions so strongly that they don't care who sees or has to deal with it. That could go very badly.
That's the whole point of raising your voice... Either learn to tell people to avoid doing it, learn to catch yourself doing it when angry, and teach your children to instead of raising their voice, to improve their argument.
I mean, sometimes you're not even part of it and its still terrifying. Like say, some random drunk dude wanders onto your street yelling near your house for no reason.
Like say, some random drunk dude wanders onto your street yelling near your house for no reason.
I'm with you on this one. I get called weird often because I truly believe that someone yelling can escalate into me being murdered.
Agree with CPTSD comment