Dad for a Minute

It's been a few years and I still miss you. I just want you to know I picked up your present for me and it's wrapped and under the tree. You always made sure I got chocolate covered cherries.

I'm not talking to Mom and I think you can understand why. I still blame her, and I can't see myself ever having a healthy relationship with her. I'm in therapy. It helps.

I've gotten much closer with your sisters. They're great and are filling the family void. We have weekly stitch and bitches.

The pup is also doing fine. He's a grumpy old man dog.

I'm crying cos it's so sad not having you here. It's just hitting me that it's only a few weeks away, but you're not here. Christmas always brings up how much I love you. You're not here but I'm going to choose a snack for santa (aka you) and put it out Christmas eve. I'm gonna pick something really nice for you, I hope you like it.

I'm probably gonna talk to you here a few times over Christmas I hope that's ok.

cross-posted from: https://piefed.blahaj.zone/c/wholesome/p/428550/it-s-true

considering the topic of this community, it should be obvious who i'm referring to...some people never should have had kids in the first place, and arent worth the heart/headache of worrying yourself with...right?

edit/ i realize this actually might have been too vague, i mean having piece of shit for a father. when do you just giveup even bothering to keep that connection going?

After almost a year of moving cities for the first time in 3 years and some of the highest highs of life, I crashed, reached burnout, some bouts of sads and self-doubt, exacerbated by the weariness with the world and the consequences for mine and my loved ones' future prospects and generally increased cynicism towards everything.

Needless to say - hard times. But last week I've finally been sufficiently functional to partake in the one hobby that stuck with me despite ADHD, the one thing that has never not brought me joy and catharsis and it is making music. Feels great to be back.

I recently made it to a new country where I'm studying and hopefully will migrate to. It's been a while since I last talked here and things then were very difficult for me. Thank you for your support then I really needed it. It's still difficult to be honest but I've been doing so much better here. It took me years of seriously looking into and over a year of getting legal stuff lined up and doubling down on savings.

I've gone through a divorce and watching multiple good friendships dissolve over long distance. I've been fighting with bureaucracy every day, I don't have a phone plan or internet at my home yet because of it. Without a phone plan I can't connect to the internet to translate stuff or get directions anywhere when I'm away from the school wifi. I miss my cat but for now he's being fostered by really good people who love him.

But I'm here, I'm away from the US, I'm making it work every day. I already know a lot of basics about what I'm choosing to study here so I'm spending most of my effort early on building new relationships and helping other students learn. I'm project lead in our current assignment which isn't something I thought I'd like but I think I'm actually not bad at it. I'm really proud of what I'm doing in part because it's so difficult for me and I'm pulling it off.

It's a charity set up for dads to send letters to people who don't have a dad! Website is here and NBC article is here. Become a dad is here for anyone retired or anything who has the time.

Thought you might find it interesting (although obviously none of the dads are as great as you)

I just had a kid of my own and I’m finding some feelings of resentment towards mom.

Like, there were some times where I didn’t receive the supervision I needed, or where I wasn’t taught certain life skills (because she was so busy with my siblings) and I just can’t imagine letting that happen with my baby.

Did you ever feel this way towards your parents when you had me? If so, how did you deal with it?

Thanks Pop.

Thanks so much for your help dad! I had trouble getting it in but managed to complete the job... so tell mom not to worry you're not going to have to pop round and fix it haha.

Dad my bedroom door handle won't stay up so the door won't shut. How do I fix it?

Hi Dad, this is hard for me to say, & I know it might be hard for you to hear, but I hate myself. I don’t like the person I’ve grown into, & it’s not because of anything you did wrong in fact, it’s the opposite. You gave me a good childhood. You were present, supportive, & loving. You helped me through school, college, my relationship, & advice for getting a good job. On paper I am doing well but I don’t feel that way. I tried to do everything right but I still can’t shake the hate I have for myself. That hatred that used to motivate me now just a heavy weight. I’m so quick to give up. I feel tired all the time, like I’m running on empty, even when I’m doing nothing. And the worst part is I can’t seem to push through it, even when I know something might make me feel better, I don’t have the energy or will. I just feel stuck doing things I don’t really enjoy since they don’t require any energy to do. I hate that part of me. For me, when things get hard, I now stall & I hate that about myself. I guess I’m reaching out because I want to understand how you’ve kept going. How have you always gotten up when you’ve felt miserable. I feel like you gave me so much potential & I’ve squandered it.

Hi dad, unfortunately my biological dad doesn't offer me his support, so I write here.

I am 26 years old and I am living with my parents but I really wish I had the energies to move out. My parents are physically abusive towards one another, my mother suffers from schizophrenia and thinks everyone hates her, uses me as a punchbag for her emotions and criticizes all of my choices. My father cheats on her and is emotionally unavailable for me. If I were a normal person I'd just head out of here, but unfortunately "normal" I am not as I myself suffer from diagnosed general (and quite strong) anxiety and I think some depression as well and everything seems so difficult for me.

I also feel really ashamed for having failed college, sometimes I even feel 'stupid' because of it. Now I’m working as an unskilled employee, and it makes me afraid to move out because I constantly worry: will I be able to find another job?

On top of that, I feel a lot of pressure at work. I’m the only one who can maintain and develop the company’s software. While we have other team members, like an AI prompt engineer, a backup engineer, several people in sales, and a graphic designer, I’m the only actual developer. My colleagues have told me that if I left it would be very difficult for them to keep things running, and some even said they'd have to quit too. That kind of responsibility weighs heavily on me.

I'd also love to go back at college but time is running up before I lose the credits I acquired. But I don't know how I could study while also maintaining myself with a full time job.

Sorry dad for pouring all that on you. I really don't know what to do and I feel really lost. A hug would be more than enough.

I really like the idea of this #Lemmy community: https://feddit.online/c/dadforaminute@lemmy.world . I wish it were more active.

Most on the Fediverse can follow it at, and post to it at: @dadforaminute

Note. Those on my Friendica instance can't access lemmy.world because the 240K requests per day coming in from Lemmy instances overwhelmed the server and the database, and I had to block Lemmy. Friendica just can't handle it.

#Piefed #MBIN #dad

I love you so much daddy I miss you every day. ❤️

Hey dad, I know that we've not been close for quite some time now. I really hope that at some point that could change, but for right now, all I want is for you to say that you are proud of me. It really hurt when you didn't even aknowledge me getting my A-levels years ago, and that when I got my Bachelor's you told me that all students are stupid.

For context, I'm mtf trans and polyamorous. I spent an enormous amount of effort setting up my social and partner circles to prepare for lower surgery (which I had about 10 months ago and I've healed well!). I knew I was going to be emotionally and physically vulnerable after surgery and wanted to have people around me I could trust especially with my new bits. The 6 months leading up to surgery 4 long term partners broke up with me, a new partner (more on them later) broke up with me, my 12 year marriage fell through, and I lost all but one friend who is long distance.

I'm taking the opportunity to leave country since it's not like I have much anchoring me here anymore. I have conditionally been accepted to a college in Sweden but I'm going to be cutting it close enough with finances that I may get denied a residents permit.

A year ago I finally felt like I was putting down roots I felt happy and I wanted to build my life with everyone I loved. It all went away and I don't know how to process the loss. Everyone I cared about said they didn't want to be around me anymore. I trusted them all so deeply. I feel broken and like a failure constantly.

The new partner I had I fell in love with so hard. Our leases and year plans kinda lined up so we decided to do a classic queer trope and get an apartment together despite being exes. It's had difficult times but largely it has worked well. They're actually one of the best roommates I've ever had. But in a few months here I'll be moving again and things are messy.

Roommate is bringing a new partner by in a few days and I'm getting flooded by everything I've been trying to keep boxed up. I care about them so much, I'm still wildly attracted to them, they're the kindest person I know. I've been working hard to limit bringing this up because I don't want them to feel uncomfortable in their home. The reality is though they're the only person left I emotionally trust and I would do near anything to even be held by them for a few minutes.

I feel abandoned and alone, I don't know if I'm going to be able to emotionally handle being in another country. I wanted surgery to be freeing for me and while it has been in a lot of ways I'm also top tier scared to physically interface with anyone now. I worked so hard to have people I trusted my body with. I'm scared of if something is wrong or if someone says something that fires off my anxiety or depression and I won't be able to talk with them about it. At the same time I'm doing really poorly not having physical touch with anyone and I'm staring down potential years of not finding a partner while trying to study and relearning cultural norms abroad.

Dads how am I supposed to pick myself back up from this loss and fear? How do I handle going from starting to have roots and a stable domestic life to leaving the country and going back to school? And most critically what am I supposed to do with my cat while I move to a tiny unit in another country?

Hi everyone. I created this community here on Lemmy because I wish to give others what I have never felt: the love and the support of a father.

My father is alive and well, but I've always felt like he was dead. I've never received support, love, or hugs but I instead received disapproval, criticisms, insults and high expectations from him. I remember telling kids in elementary school I had no dad.

I am at an age where this should not affect me. I am an adult with his own life but I am unable to feel indifferent to it. His words (or the lack thereof) still affect me. I want him to be proud of me, at least once in my lifetime, and whenever I try to say something that I think will make him proud, I always leave disappointed telling myself "never try again".

My mother was emotionally unavailable too as she has a schizophrenia diagnosis. I don't know what I am looking for by writing this post, maybe just some nice words.

I still wish to be someone's cherished son. Thank you for reading.

Edit: Thank you to all, really. Your thoughtful comments warm up my heart.

Daddy a professional in another agency made a shit decision on one of my cases that put children at massive risk. It's awful but the damage is done.

I've done loads to undo the damage and I've really helped! I've managed to get other agencies involved and now they're all listening to how dangerous things are for the kids and there's loads being done to protect them. I've worked so hard on it, I've fought so hard for them. Are you proud of me?

It’s a construction company. Started a year ago, finally starting to get into the black. But I’m working 7 days a week now and constantly am thinking about it or on the phone or at work and my wife is starting to get irritated with me for it.

Why is this so hard? I've tried to do everything right, and I have more than most around me and I'm still struggling. I don't know if I'll be able to find a place to live.

It's for 3 A5 size pictures and 1 A4 size they aren't very heavy. The string is on the back.

Daddy I'm missing you a lot recently. Can I have a hug?

This place came up in conversation over the weekend. I'd made a similar thing back when kbin.social existed. It didn't take off at all then, and went down with the ship.

That was well over a year ago now, and the landscape has changed (in oh so many ways). Seems like a good time to jumpstart something like this again, and so ... here I am.