going to preface this with, don't worry about my immediate health or anything. i am not having a psychotic episode of anything like that, i am 100% sober...and...that's honestly the scariest part for me.
there is a message that finally got through to me, woke me up (wait, motherfucker...is that where "woke" comes from?!?!?), something I'v been aware of for a long time now i think, but it got suppressed down for...10 goddamn years... for whatever reason, until now.
now that I'm aware of it, I see it damn near everywhere, almost every majorly acclaimed movie, song, book, poem, fucking everything...
and it's not like this is some short-term problem either, it's not going away when trump dies, it's not even going away if trump dies and the establishment regains control (i have my doubts they can pull this off).
it's the same goddamn cycle over and over (with slight variations), boom followed by completely deliberate bust, one privacy-overreach followed by another, the same playbook used over and over. and occasionally either end is some random organic act-of-god, which just works to obfuscate the intentional acts.
it's so large and all encompassing you can't even be sure which parts are apart of it and which are just...people still asleep just going about their lives.
and now, because this world seems to be ran by a bunch of fucking psychopaths, I'm even more paranoid sober than when I was having a actual mental breakdown
because how the fuck do I trust anyone now?
how do i seperate those that know from those that don't?
psychopathic assholes from regular assholes?
friend from foe?
hell, how the hell do Ieven confirm that this is real, I know that everyone in my own immediate family is stuck in these little arithmetic bubbles too so i can't bring it up with them, if i tried they would probably be worried I'm going crazy.
and because of past-me's mistakes over the years I have no irl friends whatsoever to talk with either, so i guess all I have left is to send this out onto the internet and hope for the best?
i'v been considering just getting a steam deck and carrying around some gsm router or something to turn it into my own hotspot/phone