The Onion and other satire w/ layers

“I know it sounds like a steep price, but considering that Trump has full-on asked me to turn the Yukon into a giant American strip mine, I’d say it’s not too unreasonable as far as concessions to majoritarian pseudo-cult leaders go,” Carney added.

“If we have to make concessions to a Muslim-hating billionaire demagogue, at least it’ll be for the one who can find Canada on a map.”

Now even the Beaverton is nailing being just a little too real.

Back at Mar-A-Lago, President Trump was once again seen asking a small palm tree if he should bomb Winnipeg.

OTTAWA – In a stunning move, progressive conservative MP Michael Ma crossed the floor Thursday to the progressive conservative Liberal Party, just a few weeks after similar minded progressive conservative Conservative MP Chris d’Entremont did the same.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.ca/post/56569341

MAXWELL CRUTCH, 72
I wish I could employ Canadians, but they keep asking for things like “benefits” and “bathroom breaks”. What else can I possibly do but import dozens of minimum wage employees from halfway across the world and make it absolutely clear that their place in this country is wholly dependent on my whims as their employer? If it’s good enough for Dubai, then it’s good enough for me.

According to Forbes managing editor Russell Belanger, at the current rate of mergers, there will be only one corporation in the world by 2000.

Not far off.

[...]
Alex Jennings, associate secretary to the Deputy Chief of the Prime Minister’s Office, acknowledged Ottawa receiving the formal declaration from the province but confessed that the staff “thought it was a joke from New Brunswick.”
[...]

“This ‘blame Muslims’ thing has been great, but we can’t ride that wave forever.”

RICHMOND, Va. — Several ICE agents had their internal organs forcibly removed during a recent raid on the Slave Pit, home of the extraterrestrial rock band GWAR, confirmed absolutely horrified sources.

“The band was in the middle of our weekly cocaine-orgy/seafood boil when these ICE chodes stormed the Slave Pit claiming we were illegal aliens and threatening to deport us back to our home planet of Scumdoggia,” said GWAR vocalist Blothar the Berserker. “Obviously, these jerkoffs had no idea who they were messing with. I grabbed one of these ICE guys and ripped his spleen out through his dick while the rest of the band went to work on the other ‘agents.’ Then we used their hollowed-out skulls as toilets because anyone stupid enough to fuck with GWAR has to have shit for brains.”

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.ca/post/56110106

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.ca/post/56110035

Not satire, but a real article

Edit:

Time quoted Hoekstra: "'A Canada that it would be very easy to target with 500% steel tariffs, or one patriot missile aimed at Parliament Hill,’ he added, rather incredulously."

Except Hoekstra didn’t say that — The Beaverton, a satirical news site in Canada akin to The Onion, made it up for this article titled, "US Ambassador threatens to tariff, annex, and bomb Canada if anti-American sentiment doesn’t improve."