Today I Fucked Up

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Tempest_Craft on 2025-11-04 17:11:20+00:00.

Obligatory this didn't happen today but a few months ago, I noticed I was having kinda weird occasional vertigo, seemingly out of nowhere and headaches, not very often ...at first. The vertigo would fele like someone had gently tugged my hair I guess, it was very strange.

I am American but I live abroad in a country that has cheap access to Healthcare, but still my American instincts all said "eh, it will pass, whatever it is." Over the next 2 months the frequency increased and increased to just about daily, as well as some slight nausea almost all the time. I finally was like alright, you gotta see a doctor.

Bloodwork from general doctor, all clear, not sick in a general way. So I see an ear nose and throat doctor, that is also all clear. He suggests a neurologist, great. I see a neurologist, show them my balance is fucked up and everything is all clear otherwise, they suggest a brain MRI, great.

Meanwhile, I wear glasses, my work had fucked them up, very scratched lenses, broken nose pieces, not sitting on my face in the right place, very old, etc. I am a cheap fuck, what can I say? And I only wear them for far away stuff and getting around. A few days after the neurologist and trying to figure out how to schedule a brain MRI, I was getting off the bus, I had been reading so glasses weren't on.

I noticed I wasn't dizzy or nauseous. Weird. Put the glasses on, immediately my balance is weird and I feel sick and it just clicks.

I had been wearing my fucked up glasses for so long that my eyes were just exhausted from compensating for them, which is what was fucking my balance and everything else. So thankfully not a brain tumor or other neuropathy.

So I stopped wearing them, got new glasses and it took a few weeks of readjustment but all good now!

TL:DR - I wore fucked up glasses for so long that it was giving me vertigo and I thought I had a neurological problem, new glasses solved it, a real occam's razor scenario. Hahaha.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Long-day1789 on 2025-11-04 12:47:14+00:00.

I'm appalled it took me this long to figure it out and that I just told her boyfriend about this, but I swear completely accidental.

Basically, when I was 13 (m), my older brother Max was 17 and my older sister Helen, 15. We played a lot of sports and clubs. The way our schedules worked out, most evenings it would be me and her or me and my brother eating dinner together (so at least one of them could walk me home every day).

High schoolers had late practices which meant that they'd eat dinner in school before training pretty often, while the other sibling and I ate dinner together. My parents both travelled a lot and worked late often so we ordered a lot of pizza, ect.

One evening after practice, Max came into my room and basically asked me to tell him how much Helen eats during dinner with me. I was like weird, why and he said he thinks Helen might have stomach flu, but is keeping it a secret. That kinda confused me, but he said he was worried and when you're 13 and your way cooler older brother asks you to do something, you say yes.

I remember vaguely telling him that 3 out of 3 takeout dinners we had this week she'd eaten a few bites of and thrown away. And like immediately, next day maybe both parents were home and they had a family discussion that I had to be sent to a friends house during. Most definitely an intervention. After that, we stopped doing dinners just Helen and I, either a parent was with us, or Max. I didn't notice anything else, but I'm sure they were just hiding it.

I do remember vividly, once when it was just Helen, Max and I, I fought with her about which restaurant we'd get takeout from and later, Max told me that "Helen's got stomach problems and she's not eating enough, and to make it easier we should let her choose restaurants from now on." The I understood it was like when you're sick and you don't want to eat anything but your favorite food. I remember saying she's been eating more since mom and dad got back and my brother responding "good, but don't comment on it to her face, she's embarrassed."

I wasn't a very picky eater, and Helen most nights would just choose pizza or something I'd like anyways. Especially as I got older, I just accepted it. I think when I fought with her about what to order, she'd annoyed me about something else. It was honestly ingrained in me to just let Helen choose, even yesterday when we met her, Max and I let Helen choose what we ate.

So here's where I fucked up. Max and I live in the same city (I'm 20, he's 24, she's 22), and Helen visited with her boyfriend so we could meet him. Boyfriend's nice and after dinner we're all sitting together drinking and the four of us are talking about sibling fights. Boyfriend tells us about how he used to fight tooth and nail with his younger brother about what restaurants they ate at. My dumbass, without hesitating says "We never fought about that, Max just told me its always Helen's choice because of her stomach issues"

Helen apparently didn't know Max about this and said to Max wide eyed "You told him about that?" How I didn't see this and realize what was going on was beyond me.

Her equally clueless boyfriend asks "What stomach issues need you to always choose the restaurant you eat at?" Clearly teasing.

I said out loud. On auto pilot, obviously, without THINKING FIRST bc I'm clearly just slow. "It was because she wasn't eating enough." Right then, when I made eye contact with her, I figured it out. She asked her boyfriend to excuse us for a minute.

I tried to apologise but she really didn't want to hear it. She yelled at Max about telling me till she was in tears. She yelled about how eating disorders are personal and how Max had PROMISED that no one knew except mum and dad and who else did he tell. Then, she asked where I got off on hiding this for years and letting her think I didn't know and why I thought I could tell her boyfriend about this. She was like sobbing, heaving crying so hard I could barely understand her. and then she left grabbed her stuff and the boyfriend and left.

I honestly have no idea what my next move is. I texted her apologising and explaining this basically, but she's ignoring me. I feel really bad. I adore her and I never ever want to hurt her.

TL;DR: I accidentally told my sister’s boyfriend about her old eating disorder because I didn’t realize it was one and just thought it was a "stomach issue" my brother mentioned years ago. She got upset and I feel awful.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/daydaze024 on 2025-11-04 10:21:52+00:00.

I (22F) have been with my boyfriend (24M) for almost two years now. We’re that couple who met when he was selling me za and somehow never ran out of things to talk about so we just started dating. He’s a very loving guy, very hilarious, and (until yesterday) thoughtful in the way that matters (like he quit dealing drugs and we both went sober together. We’ve talked about tattoos before. I have a tiny outline of a semicolon on my wrist where my self harm scars are but he has zero ink and always said he’d only get something that's about me. This sunday we hanged out with his friends at his place and they're all cool and as he was taking me home he looked very excited to tell me something and started dropping hints about a special surprise. Nothing huge, just “something permanent to show you’re my person” I laughed it off because, hello, we’re 22 and 24, permanent feels like a big word to me. Then he went on and on about how me giving him my virginity made him very sure that I can never forget him so he wants to show me how serious he is about me. Before he dropped me off he took out his phone and opened a chat with a tattoo artist where he sent the artist different pictures of tattoo inspos of MY INITIAL. I was so shocked but acted excited and went like "none of those look good tho I'll send you my own choice from pinterest ok?" and he got even more excited and I went inside my house and just stared at the wall for an hour because I'm just not sure about this guy I swear.

Anyway, today he grabs my hand and goes, "I booked it. Tomorrow. Your initial, right here.” He taps the inside of his forearm like it’s already done. My stomach drops. Look, I’m not anti-tattoo. I’m anti-MY-initial-on-someone-else’s-body-when-we-haven’t-even-talked-about-moving-in-together. I tried to play it cool. So I was like maybe we should wait for that. He was so shocked. His smile disappeared and he asked me later on "Baby are you not sure about me?" and I said "I am. This is just too much for now" and it led to a mini argument but he's just distant now.

TL;DR: I told my bf to not get my initial tattoo after pretending to want it for two days and now he's sad and Idk what to do

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/I-talk-about-Bruno on 2025-11-04 04:49:33+00:00.

I'm a college freshman. Yesterday my best friend (also a freshman) was having some sort of mental breakdown. Today, I texted them multiple times about random shit, and they didn't respond, which is out of character for them. Then they didn't show up to a mandatory rehersal for a play we're both working on, so I got more worried, and texted them to ask if they were ok, and they didn't respond. I called them and they didn't pick up. My friend has a history of mental health issues, so this really worked me. My school has this thing where you can summit "care reports" about people you're worried about, and the counseling office will check up on them. Anyways, I submitted one about how I was worried about my friend, and about an hour later, they texted me saying that they had been asleep. I don't know how to unsubmit a care report, so now the consoling office is going to pay them a visit thinking their in crisis, and they'll have to explain that they were just taking a really long nap. I haven't told them about it yet, but I'm pretty sure they're going to be pissed at me. They've already complained to me about other people falsely reporting them for being depressed/ suicidal, and they were defenelty mad at them. I really hope they'll understand my reasoning and not be mad, but I'm honestly feeling kinda stupid.

TL;DR: I submitted a care report to the school cause I they weren't texting me back and I thought the might be having a mental health crisis, but they were just taking a nap.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Engineer5000p on 2025-11-03 21:32:42+00:00.

Happened yesterday night as my wife and I were reminiscing and talking about the dumb shit we did in high school and she mentioned how she used to be obsessed with tumblr drama and certain celebrity couples and what not, and for some reason, I felt it was totally relevant and cool for me to tell her that woah, did I ever tell you that I ran a gossip blog for my school?

She asked me wtf I meant, probably thinking I was joking but I said without thinking, that when I was about 16, I started an anonymous gossip blog about my high school. (You can probably guess what inspired this)

Nothing evil but I was bored and nowhere near a social life and found it funny to post whatever I thought was relevant about my school. Eventually I made a few posts about people sending anon confessions in and eventually it got traction and MANY people sent in so much about many many different students and even teachers. I posted every single one with some exceptions of troll confessions

Within a few weeks, id hear many people talk about it and id just find it really fun to have this secret. It was never traced back to me because I kept it very lowkey and stopped being active on it nearing the end of highschool

At the time, I thought it was no big deal. I wasn’t posting lies, just stuff that was already going around but with much more maturing I do know it was wrong. I am well aware of this.

So I tell my wife all this, expecting i dont even know what and instead, she just goes off on me and says I had no business blowing people's dirty laundry out like that

And yes. I do agree now. Eventually, she ended up just being dissapointed and said she couldnt imagine me doing something so invasive and weird. I did try to defend myself and tried to explain it was dumb teenage shit and nothing malicious, but I do get that it is horrific

Lesson is very well learnt

TL;DR: Told my wife I used to run an anonymous high school gossip blog as a teen. Thought it was a funny story, but she saw it as mean spirited and now I agree but feel guilty and horrible

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Pandalungs on 2025-11-03 16:26:44+00:00.

It's not really his fault. I'm not hating on Bam. But we host a Christmas party every year and do a white elephant, typically $25 items, and like to get creative/fun/inappropriate at times since it's with friends. This year I decided to get a "Throat G.O.A.T." award and to add humor/value to it, have a Cameo of someone congratulating the "winner" of receiving this award. I've never ordered a Cameo before, but seemed simple enough. There were two directions to go - either someone that most/all people would know, which could get expensive, or go with some random for like $5. Both could work, but I decided I would go with a well known person if it felt right. I was scrolling celebrities and while there were some great options, most were like $300. But then I saw Bam Margera for $100 and I thought "you know what? Bam might be hilarious, since it's something inappropriate he might put a little effort into it. This could be hilarious! Who cares if it's supposed to be a $25 gift?"

I went into ChatGPT and asked it to write a prompt in the style of Bam for the winner of the award. It did a fine job and I tweaked a bit, and went to the Cameo request. Well, your request can only have up to like 250 characters, unless you want to pay more money. And even then, it's pretty limited. So I moved away from a script and asked him to congratulate the winner of the award, and said it was a part of a white elephant game. The prompt asked who the Cameo is for and I put "Winner of the 2025 Throat GOAT Award". I asked him to "hype them up!" with my last few characters.

The creator has a week to send you their video or you get a refund. After 5 days went by, I was kind of like "you know, it wouldn't be the worst thing if he doesn't do it and I get my money. Still, I hope he does it and it's awesome!" I checked this morning and my Cameo was in my inbox! I watch it and he says "What up Pandalungs, Bam Margera here at Castle Bam and I wanted to congratulate you for winning the 2025 THROAT GOAT Award! The white elephant official award, throat goat. Rock on."

It congratulates me. It's useless. But it technically fulfilled the prompt that I sent, just with some confusion. It looked like I could send a message to thank Bam, so I thought maybe I could clarify and ask him to redo it, but you have to pay to send the thanks. So I cut my losses and take the L. At least when someone is stuck with this stupid award I can give them the satisfaction of knowing I played myself and paid $100 for Bam Margera to congratulate ME for being the throat goat.

TL;DR Paid Bam Margera $100 for a Cameo on a gag gift congratulating them for winning an award of being the "Throat G.O.A.T." as part of a gag gift. He misunderstood the prompt and congratulated me. No refunds, only regrets.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Far_Highlight_4147 on 2025-11-03 06:03:03+00:00.

So this is actually a fairly old story. Around 2006-07. I (currently M35) was dating a girl I met through community theatre. On this particular get together my girlfriend and I were going to go see a show with her immediate family. Her mom and sister were going to meet us at the theatre while I was going to drive my girlfriend and her dad.

First piece of backstory. My grandmother had passed away about 5 years beforehand. She was cremated and we kept her urn behind a picture of her on the mantle of our living room.

Second piece of backstory. My dad had recently lost his career job and we were in the process of having our house foreclosed on so we were doing a lot of downsizing. In the meantime my dad was driving for a delivery company that required him to use our personal vehicle which was a hatchback.

Back to the story.

So I get to my girlfriend’s house and while waiting for her and her father to come out I’m adjusting the back seat of the car for her to use. As I’m doing so I find this brass colored box. I look at the label on the box, set the box down, immediately pull out my cell phone and make a call.

“Hi. Mom? Could you please ask your husband why the cremated remains of his mother are in the back of the car right now?”

Apparently my dear old dad had it in his mind that to have one less thing to move he would take grandma’s urn and have them interred with her husband and if a delivery brought him near where the cemetery was he could just swing in and drop her off (pretty sure that’s not how that works)

I end the call pretty quickly and put the urn in the boot of the car as my GF and her dad came out of the house. GF gets into the back seat while her dad gets into the passenger seat. The drive to the theatre is about a 15 minutes (might as well have been hours) her dad, since this was more or less the first time we had had more than a passing conversation, was giving me the “Dad Quiz” “what do you plan to do for college?” “What are your plans for a career” etc. etc.

I, quietly panicking, am only giving short non committal answers.

We get to the theatre and her dad goes into meet up with the rest of her family. GF stoped me in the parking lot and asked why I was being so awkward around her dad because she wanted him to approve of me.

I explain to her, “no it wasn’t because her dad was giving me the “dad quiz” it’s because the whole drive I could hear this box sliding back and forth in the back of the car. What’s in the box? My Grandma.”

I had never actually seen the color drain from a person’s face before. GF turned and immediately walked away from me. She would not talk to me, would not even look at me for the remaining time before the show started.

During intermission I’m trying to explain everything “she passed a few years back, we kept her on the mantle in the living room etc.” she still wouldn’t engage.

Finally as the lights we going down for the second act she leans over to me and just barely whispers “your grandmother is cremated right?”

I swear I almost burst a blood vessel trying not to break down laughing. But when I thought about it I realized during my panicked explanations I had in fact not mentioned that she was cremated. And when you hear something crazy like “ my grandmother is in a box in the boot of my car” without context yeah it can take a few minutes (or the first act of a play) to reach that conclusion and not that if I hit enough of a bump an arm would flip up over the back seat and land on her shoulder.

At the same to this day I still like to picture what was going through her mind when I was mentioning that we kept her on the mantle in our living room.

“There’s the 8 pointer we got a couple years ago.”

“there’s the bass from the lake.”

“there’s grandma.”

After the show we went back to her house and everything was explained with context. We ended up explaining what happened to her family as well and they thought it was HILARIOUS.

GF was less than amused and was a bit traumatized by the whole thing.

TL;DR a series of odd decisions and poor wording led to my Grandma’s urn being in my car during a date and traumatized my girlfriend.

P.s. we did end up breaking up several months later. Yes grandma did end up getting buried at the cemetery.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Leading-Ability-5142 on 2025-11-03 15:43:21+00:00.

I was in a morning meeting sharing my screen to go over some project notes. Everything was fine until my little productivity app decided to remind me “time to stretch, king” in giant pink letters across the top of the screen.

I froze. Everyone saw it. My manager started laughing so hard she had to mute. I tried to play it off like it was some team morale thing but no one bought that. Someone even screenshotted it for the group chat. Now it’s become a full office meme. Every meeting since at least one person greets me with “good morning, king” or asks if I’ve done my stretches yet. I can’t even look at my computer without hearing them laugh in my head.

That night I got a text from my coworker that just said “stretch, king.” No context. Just that. It’s been two days and they still call me that.

TL;DR: Screen shared during a meeting and my app flashed “time to stretch, king” to the entire team. Now I’m stuck with a new nickname I will never escape.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Accurate_Wish5660 on 2025-11-03 09:50:40+00:00.

this happened over the past month, not today.

I work IT support in Charlotte. Small office, maybe 30 people, pretty chill environment.

Four weeks ago I sliced my hand open trying to fix my garbage disposal. Needed stitches, whole thing was stupid and embarrassing. When people at work asked what happened I just said "kitchen accident" because I didn't want to explain I lost a fight with old spaghetti.

Week later I'm playing basketball with friends and take an elbow to the face. Black eye. Now I've got a healing hand wound and a black eye.

Someone asks and I just shrug and say "rough weekend" because what am I gonna say? "I'm clumsy and have poor spatial awareness?"

Then last week. I'm leaving work, it's dark, I'm texting and walking like an idiot. Walk straight into a concrete pillar in the parking garage. Split my eyebrow open, had to get it glued shut.

Show up to work the next day with a bandage on my eyebrow, fading black eye, still have the scar on my hand. My coworker Janet pulls me aside and very quietly asks if I'm "safe at home."

I'm confused until I realize she thinks someone is beating me up. I try to explain but she's giving me this concerned look like I'm covering for someone. I'm like no Janet I'm just incredibly accident prone I swear.

But apparently she told other people her concerns because now everyone is being super careful around me. They stop conversations when I walk by. Someone from HR asked me very casually if I "knew about our employee assistance program."

Yesterday I'm heating up lunch in the break room and I hear two people talking in the hallway. One of them says my name and then "...definitely involved in something. Three injuries in a month?"

I didn't correct them because how do I even start that conversation.

Now my boss wants to have a "check in meeting" tomorrow and I'm pretty sure it's an intervention. I'm going to have to explain that I'm not in a gang or a domestic violence situation, I'm just cosmically bad at existing in physical space.

TL;DR: Had three stupid accidents in one month, coworkers think I'm either being abused or in a gang, now facing HR intervention for being clumsy.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Billidays on 2025-11-03 07:56:13+00:00.

So my girlfriend texted me that she was coming home late from work, and I thought it would be hilarious to hide behind the couch and jump out when she came in. I even turned off the lights to “set the mood”-because apparently I’m a genius with zero self-preservation instinct.

She walks in, juggling her purse, a grocery bag, and her phone, and before she can even say hi, I leap out and yell “BOO!” at full volume. What followed was a blood-curdling scream and a reflex punch that would’ve made a UFC fighter proud. She nailed me square in the shoulder. My arm went instantly numb, and she started yelling because she thought I was an intruder.

After realizing it was me, she was not amused. My shoulder still hurts, my ego’s bruised, and I’ve been officially banned from surprises indefinitely.

TL;DR: Tried to surprise my girlfriend by yelling “boo” when she got home. She thought I was an intruder and punched me so hard I nearly saw God.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/zerolosts on 2025-11-03 01:34:16+00:00.

For context, my cat Juniper has been missing for 3 months. She is an all black Bombay cat with overly large eyes (even for a Bombay, they’re almost cartoonish.) I’ve had her since she was a year old, and now she’s about 2 years old, and incredibly particular. People say cats don’t have personalities, mine does. Juniper hates being picked up, hates the camera, hates a lot of things. Is completely obsessed with 1. me, 2. sauces. Don’t ask me why. When she got out and went missing for so long, I was devastated, and finally had to assume the worst. I found myself at an animal shelter about 45 minutes away from where I lived, looking at the cats. I prefer to adopt cats that are at least a year, if not older, so I was away from the kitten area. Suddenly, I come upon an all black Bombay cat with overly large eyes. My heart stops. I open the cage to pet her and she puts her head in my hand. I can’t believe it. Is this my cat???? I try to pick her up and she resists. My mind is racing, it has to be her, she must’ve gotten her collar off and jumped in someone’s car or something!!! I of course, adopt her immediately and bring her home. Two days later, who shows up at the door but Juniper, still in her collar… after 3 months. I couldn’t believe it. Two cats. Same age, same look, same mannerisms. They’re identical. I decided to name my bonus cat Jinx after my favorite TV show/Video Game character. While it certainly is a happy accident, I absolutely must get these two different collars as even I cannot tell them apart at this point in time.

TL;DR My cat went missing for 3 months, I thought I found her at a shelter and adopted her, it turned out to be her doppelgänger when my actual cat showed up 2 days later.

EDIT: They’ve both been microchipped and identified as my cat, as well as uploaded to a petfinder website!!

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/CT1398 on 2025-11-02 18:28:35+00:00.

So I (27m) live alone with my two awesome cats, Bev and Bibble. I work long, 24 hour shifts for municipal fire department, so when I go to work, I'm gone for at least a full day, for this reason, I opted to have cats as pets since they're independent and fairly self sufficient. Especially with automatic feeders and waterers to keep them taken care of.

Well, I have a relatively small house that the kitties have free range of for the most part. The only exception is my office that has my work desk, computer, etc in. I normally leave that closed when I'm not in there since they like to crawl around my computer and rub against the connections and wires. When I'm in there with them, it's no big deal to keep them at bay but I don't want them in there when I can't monitor them.

So. Yesterday morning, I was getting ready to leave for work. Filled up the cats feeder and waterer and both were eating away, said my goodbyes and walked out to my car. I realized I left my good phone charger in my office. So, I ran back in quickly to grab it. It was still fairly dark on the house but I didnt turn any lights on since I know my space well enough to not need it.

Well unfortunately, my sweet Bibble who is 80% black with a white belly must have followed me into my office and I didn't realize it.

When I got home this morning, I was only greeted by Bev. Poor Bibble was meowing from my office and to my horror I realized my error. Poor Bibble immediately went to eat and drink and I felt just absolutely terrible about the whole thing. She is so sweet and I feel like an absolute asshole. She didn't even poop or pee in my office which was a shock to me. So she immediately went to the litter box after eating too. I feel like the worst cat dad in the world and I just hope Bibble finds it in her heart to forgive me one day.

TL;DR Accidentally locked my poor cat in my office while I was gone on a 24 hour shift.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/sexywallposter on 2025-11-02 04:23:12+00:00.

(This was actually on Halloween, but I’m not supposed to be using screens, you’ll find out why in a minute)

So I was driving home after picking up my kid from school, and there’s lots of cool Halloween decorations in our neighborhood so we were going to drive a little to look before going home. It was hella windy so a trash can had blown into the road. I pulled over and consulted my backseat driver, and we agreed that fixing the trash can would be the nice thing to do.

So I hop out of the car, and go to move the can back to the curb. The lid was open and laying on the street, and I started pushing forward to lift it and move it to the curb.

(this usually works every other time I’ve done this so I had no clue what was coming)

As I lifted it I stepped onto the lid, and I slipped, falling face first into the lip of the can.

I stood up and told the can to F itself, then put it back on the curb where it belonged.

Next thing I know there’s blood on my glasses, and I touch my head. Right on my hairline I’d managed to cut the skin open, blood all over my face and hands.

I got back into the car and said “well that was stupid”, to which my kid agreed, and asked if we were going to the doctor. I had buried my face in a spare hoodie to stop the blood so he probably didn’t hear me reply but I said no.

I called my husband to inform him of my situation and he told me to “stop saving the world”.

We still saw the decorations, well he did cuz I was focused on my bleeding head and driving, and we got home. We went to the bathroom to clean up and he could play doctor, and when I saw how bad it actually was I decided to go to urgent care and get fixed up.

I drove myself, the pain at this point was so bad I was crying, the dashboard was doing that overexposed light thing that people with astigmatism see, and I had to drive with one eye closed. Luckily it’s not a long drive.

I get there, and I’m the only person which was great, cuz I’m a complete mess and don’t need an audience for this. The receptionist was super sweet to me, and she called someone over to look at me. The nurse practitioner said I’d have to go to the ER, but they cleaned me up and wrapped me in gauze until the ambulance arrived. The tech said I’d get staples, the ambulance guy said they’d shave my head to put those things that pull cuts closed on it. I’m not liking these options.

We get to the ER, they check me, and because I know the day, year, and where I am they send me to the waiting room. (My costume is appropriate, I’m covered in blood and the guts of pumpkins)

Two-ish hours later they pull me back to get looked at, where I’m given Vicodin and a new bandage (they anchored it around my neck at the urgent care)

(The only time the pain wasn’t excruciating was when I was pushing down on the gauze, so I was very grateful for the meds to kick in)

I sat in the waiting room a while longer for a space to open up, and after another check and some topical lidocaine for the staples (yay no shaving) they give me a CT scan. While waiting on the results I get the staples, just two, but OMFG OW. As soon as the doctor left I snatched up the leftover lidocaine goo, slathered it on the gauze and put it back on the cut. It helped.

There was an “artifact” on the CT, potential bleed, so it was discussed that I may be there for another 6 hours before another CT to monitor the artifact. The head trauma person decided that my stay was long enough to count as being observed and they cut me loose. I’m told the usual use xyz for pain, if anything gets worse come back, no irritating my concussion with screens, and no lifting things or strenuous activity.

I’ve been home for about 20 hours now as I write this. I am now a “zombie” according to my kids because of the staples, but I’m not allowed to eat their brains for some reason.

My husband did an awesome job of making their Halloween a good one, and we still have all weekend to carve pumpkins, but I still feel bad.

TLDR: I tried to put a trash can back, cut my head open, spent Halloween in the ER, and am not supposed to on my phone writing this, but I hope you can laugh at my expense! I know I will when my staples stop hurting.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Jazzlike_Major2812 on 2025-11-02 03:55:46+00:00.

I booked an international flight with one change in a major city. I decided a few days later that I wanted to spend the night in that city before carrying on. I called the airline but they said my basic fare couldn't be changed. Oh well, I thought, I really want that extra night to visit family, and if it can't be changed then so be it. So I skipped the second segment of my flight and found another flight the next day. This was one week ago.

Supposed to go home tomorrow but couldn't check in. Turns out that if you no show you forfeit ALL REMAINING FLIGHTS on the booking. I need to get back. Just spent £5k booking new homeward flights.

Anyone commenting, I would love to know if you knew about this. Did you learn it the hard way?

TL;DR, I didn't know about the no show rule and it cost me £5k

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/bigmanbeats on 2025-11-01 21:55:59+00:00.

So this all started a few months ago when I met my new neighbor. Nice guy, mid-50s, retired car salesman, very chatty. We’re making small talk one day and he asks what I do for a living. For reference, I actually do work at a hospital… but I’m not a doctor. Over the years I’ve learned to stay vague about my job because the second you say “I work in healthcare,” people either start telling you about every rash they’ve ever had or get weirdly defensive about their eating habits. So I just said, “Oh, I work down at the hospital, in the medical field.”

Harmless, right?

Apparently not.

For context, I live in a house that looks nice from the street. It’s big, kind of stately even, but that’s only because I inherited it from a rich grandparent. I am not rich. The driveway is cracked, half my gutters are held up by a wing and a prayer, and the lawn is constantly in some stage of “almost mowed.” But to someone driving by, I can see how it might scream “doctor money.”

Fast forward a few weeks, my neighbor and I are talking about cars. He used to sell them, so I ask what he thinks about a certain model. He laughs and says, “Well, look, just because you can afford it on a doctor’s salary doesn’t mean you should go buying something flashy.” I laughed and was getting ready to tell him but midway through our conversation he got a call (like I said he's chatty in that he monologues a lot and it's hard to get a word in edgewise).

I told my wife later that I think the neighbor things I'm a doctor and I didn't get a chance to correct him and we both got a chuckle out of it. We thought it was funny and decided to just let it ride. Inside joke. No harm, no foul. Also, I know he talks to a lot of the other neighbors a lot who know I'm not a doctor and I figured he would just eventually hear through the grapevine that I'm not so no biggie.

A little while later, he calls me one evening. Says another neighbor fell and hit her head, and asks if she should go to the doctor. I’m thinking this is just a normal “neighbor check-in” kind of thing, so I say something like, “I mean, yeah, she should probably get checked out, just in case it’s a concussion.” I didn’t realize it at the time, but that apparently confirmed in his mind that Dr. bigmanbeats was making a house call by phone.

From there, it escalated. Slowly at first. “Hey bigmanbeats, you think this looks bad?”(with accompanying photo) “Are you allowed to write me a prescription for X?” “What’s the best over-the-counter thing for acid reflux?”

Every time, I’d dance around it like, "Sorry I can't help you with that", or “Hmm, I’m not sure, you should have your doctor take a look at that.” I’d say it in the most neutral, noncommittal way possible, thinking he’d eventually catch on. I probably should have just ripped the bandaid off but I unfortunately passed that point where it would be awkward to correct him.

If anything, my vague answers reinforced his belief that I was some kind of humble physician trying to avoid liability. A different neighbor later told me that my neighbor said to him, “He’s so busy being a doctor he doesn’t have time to even fix his house or mow his lawn.” My neighbor thought him thinking I'm a doctor was equally as hilarious as my wife and I did and didn't tell him either.

At this point, it’s been months. As far as I know he still thinks I’m Dr. bigmanbeats, the neighborhood doctor who lives in the big house with the bad lawn. I eventually told him before at the next HOA party heaven forbid someone has a heart attack and he comes to me to save the day and I had to break it to him I'm just a humble healthcare worker.

TL;DR: I told my neighbor I work at the hospital and stayed vague to avoid weird questions. He assumed I’m a doctor, which I initially found funny, but because I never corrected him, it slowly escalated until he now thinks I’m his personal neighborhood doctor and ended up having a super awkward conversation with him about it.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/phlavius_phogbottom on 2025-11-01 17:03:45+00:00.

So I have been trying to sell Magic the Gathering cards the last year. I finally had a solid order to sell off of approx $1,500. I don’t make a ton of money and that was going to be a great cushion on my bank account. Well, because I didn’t want the box to get messed up before leaving and packing things into my vehicle, I set it on top of my car. Finished putting everything in the car and took off. I arrived at fedex confused, “oh I must’ve left them on the counter.” I did not. I pulled onto the main road in front of my house and saw, to my horror, the box of cards in the turn lane, crushed, scattered, wet from rain. Fuck my life. I NEVER set shit on top my car. Today, I did and now I can’t do several of the things I planned to with the money I had expected in a week.

TL;DR: I left my $1,500 shipment of Magic cards on the roof of my car and they got destroyed in the middle of the road because I’m dumb.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Brilliant_Hat_8643 on 2025-10-31 21:03:09+00:00.

So on a popular app that sounds like a clock, I pointed out that a news story was fake. The story was about a man who rescued a child from a multi-story fall (this part of the story was real). However, the rest of the story, where the child’s mom sued the rescuer for $500k is fake. I made the mistake of pointing this out. Idk why I did this. Probably because I hate the spread of misinformation.

Anyways, I forgot this is the internet. I should have just ignored it and moved on. But because I didn’t, I got message after message telling me to relax, it’s just a joke. Or “bet you’re fun at parties.” And other troll comments making fun of me for pointing out that something is frickin fake.

I frickin hate this. I hate it here. People frickin love to just deep throat all sorts of misinformation BS and turn on anyone who points out what’s fake. Whatever. I’m done. I feel like I’m frickin crazy.

Obviously this is bringing out more frustrations other than stupid internet trolls. I feel like trolls are just a symptom of a greater underlying rot in the whole frickin world.

Thanks for reading.

TL;DR: I pointed out that a video was fake, got trolled, and need to chill.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/BestMossadAgent on 2025-10-31 20:26:54+00:00.

Hi there, this is my first post on this subreddit as I usually just lurk here but I thought you all might enjoy this. I'm on mobile so sorry in advanced for any weirdness with this. TL;DR at the bottom.

I work in an aerospace factory in the metal finishing department, which has a wide variety of jobs from painting machined parts, using a blaster that shoots granules of aluminum oxide or even glass beads to put a particular finish on a part or using various chemicals to clean parts in between various stages of their production or for shipping out to the customer.

Throughout the day we have to check three separate data points on each machine. Those points are pH of the water, soap concentration and water conductivity of each washing machine we use to ensure they're within the limits that are required by the customers. If theres too much of one thing, the parts will fail processes down the line. If there's too little, the parts just wont get clean. We used to keep all of our checks in a big paper log that was regularly checked by our team leads or the quality control department.

About six months ago the head quality control engineer of our department, "T" for this story, installed SQC to the computer we use to log in and log off of work. T wanted to install this so that we could cut down on the amount of paper we use and to SPECIFICALLY keep better track of the aforementioned data points and how they fluctuate throughout the day.

So six months ago we all do some training on using the SQC system over the course of like, an hour, an we start up using it the very next week.

The standard procedure for our daily testing is to do one test of each machine at the beginning of your shift, before or after lunch and then anytime you need to add soap or water, drain it. If you're feeling generous to the next shift, you can do their first test of their shift.

So for SIX MONTHS GOING ON SEVEN I have been using this system and every time I have I just used the TAB key to highlight and enter in my data through each of the boxes on the data sheet. I'd go through it and once I finished a row I ALWAYS tabbed it down to the next row so that when I came back to again I just had to start entering in the new data.

TODAY I LEARNED I'VE BEEN FUCKING UP THIS WHOLE TIME.

What I did not pay attention to was the fact that the first data box in the row was the date AND time of that entry. So when I come in at 7:30am and do my testing about five minutes later, I'd do all my data entry then tab down to the next row like a minute or two later, so it would read 7:32am for example. So the data sheets for my machine always just read two tests at the beginning of the day even though I did one test in the morning then one test after lunch.

I'VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR MONTHS.

I uh, have no real clue as to whats coming this upcoming audit that is gonna happen next week. T left for the weekend hours ago. My foreman left hours ago.

FUCK.

TL;DR: I fucked up six months of data entry and now an audit is coming up for it next week and I need to figure out what I can do for it.

Thanks for reading!

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/damnniqqaa on 2025-10-31 17:52:59+00:00.

So a few months ago, I decided to get serious about my finances. I had three credit cards, nothing crazy, all paid on time, but I thought having multiple accounts was unnecessary. I kept seeing posts about “simplifying your finances” and “cutting out unused cards,” so I figured I’d do the smart thing and close the one I barely used. It was my first card, opened when I was 19. I didn’t even think twice about it.

Fast forward to last month, I checked my credit score and nearly spat out my coffee. It had dropped by like 40 points for no apparent reason. I panicked, went down a Reddit rabbit hole, and learned that closing your oldest credit card can hurt your score because it shortens your credit history and messes with your utilization ratio. Basically, I punished myself for trying to be responsible. Love that for me.

Now I’m slowly trying to fix it. I reopened one card, set small recurring charges on it, and started using tools that actually help build credit without adding more debt stress. I even started using debit cards that report to the credit bureaus, so I can build credit just by spending my own money. Honestly, it’s been a relief not having to juggle multiple credit cards or worry about interest. Lesson learned: not every “adulting tip” on the internet is a good one.

TL;DR: Tried to be financially responsible by closing my oldest credit card, ended up tanking my credit score instead.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/AyrtonSenna27 on 2025-10-31 17:58:21+00:00.

So i’m the only male (34) in an office full of women, all of whom are older than me. I’ve worked here 3 months and noticed conversations stopping or changing when I enter the room, and lots of childish giggles. None of them really speak to me or include me in things which i’m fine with, I probably prefer it that way. But, curiosity got the better of me I suppose.

So I turns out they don’t like my beard, or my clothes, and they especially don’t think much of my receding hairline either. Unsettlingly though, on one recording i’ve made over the course of the week two of the women closest to my desk were discussing my wife’s appearance after finding her on facebook. They were complimentary about her at least but the phrase “punching above his weight” was mentioned. Oh and also half of them thought I was gay because I don’t wear a wedding ring.

So it turns out I work with a bunch of vapid, ignorant, moronic Karens. And I can’t confront them that i’ve recorded them because that would be a can of worms I don’t fancy opening.

TL;DR

Thought I would put my paranoia at ease, turns out i’m unattractive and potentially gay.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/gapingasstroll69 on 2025-10-31 13:06:41+00:00.

I went and got a $29 haircut. $29 after tax. I went to pay with my card, stuck it in, then remembered I had cash, so I clicked decline on the card reader, and then went to pay with cash instead, all while conversing with the woman who just cut my hair. I hand her $40 and she looks shocked. I said "I don't need change" She said "ohmygosh...are you sure?". I'm like "yeah!" She asks me again "oh my gosh are you serious? Seriously?". I was like "yes!" And she's like "thank you so so much. This is literally going to buy me and my kids dinner" and I was like jeeze she must get bad tips...I start to walk away and she goes "Oh actually your card transaction timed out! You need to reinsert it. It didn't go through." At which point I realized she had no idea I meant to pay for all of it with cash and thought I was giving her a $40 cash tip for a $29 haircut. And that's the story of when I paid $70 for a $29 haircut.

TLDR; decided to cancel card transaction and pay with cash, barber thought I was giving them the cash as a tip, and I was to embarrassed to correct them.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Professional_Pen69 on 2025-10-31 09:33:17+00:00.

While watching a tv show with a young girl and family grappling with puberty, sex and birth control.

I (m54) said to my wife (f54) it must be a challenge to remember to take birth control every day.

She went off at how many days she's taken pills every day.

I think she recounted the everything between puberty, birth of children, and then peri-menopause with patches and daily pills.

This wasn't an educational discussion.

There was some underlying deep resentment to all the chemicals and pharmaceuticals that she had to ingest.

How men suck and how easy we've got it. When was the last time you had to take pills every day?

THIRTY YEARS of pills EVERY DAY! It wasn't rhetorical.

I started to build my response and then had a revelation… to Shut the fuck up.

Best idea ever

TL;DR I was reminded by my wife that women do it tough with daily pills and more. I apologized

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Internal-Cricket-372 on 2025-10-31 08:57:38+00:00.

Obligatory this happened yesterday but I'm still dealing with the fallout.

So I (M27) work at a pretty small marketing firm in Portland. Like 20 people total, everyone knows everyone's business. I've been dating my girlfriend Lex (F26) for about eight months and it's going great.

Here's where I fucked up. My best friend since college, Marcus (M28), just moved to Portland like three weeks ago. He's crashing on our couch while he apartment hunts because rent here is insane. Normal stuff, right?

Yesterday morning I'm running late for work and I grab what I THINK is my lunch bag from the counter. Get to the office, settle in, 12:30 rolls around and I open the bag.

It's not my lunch.

It's a bag with a candle, some fancy chocolate, a card, and like... a silky eye mask thing? One of those sleep masks but nice. I pull out the card before my brain catches up and it says "Happy 3 Month Anniversary babe! Here's to many more nights together - M"

My coworker Amy is walking by right as I'm reading it and goes "ooh what's that?" and I panic and shove everything back in the bag but she definitely saw the card. Definitely saw the "M" signature.

Now here's the thing. My girlfriend's name is Lex. Which is short for Alexis. But everyone at work knows her as Lex. And they've met her twice at company events.

Thirty minutes later I'm in a meeting and I can feel people staring. After the meeting my boss pulls me aside - super casual, very Portland liberal vibe - and is like "hey man just want you to know we're a very inclusive workplace, your relationship configuration is totally supported here."

I'm like what.

Turns out Amy told everyone she saw an anniversary gift and card signed "M" and now everyone thinks Marcus is my... other partner? And that the three of us are together?

I tried explaining to my boss that Marcus is just my friend staying on our couch but I was flustered and I said "he's only been with us for three weeks" which made it sound WORSE. My boss just nodded like "say no more" and walked away.

I texted Lex freaking out and she thought it was hilarious. Then she told me the bag was Marcus's anniversary gift for his GIRLFRIEND who he's been long distance with for three months. He left it on the counter because he's mailing it to her today. I grabbed the wrong identical canvas tote bag.

Now I have to go back to work tomorrow and figure out how to un-convince twenty people that I'm in a polyamorous relationship. Marcus thinks this is the funniest thing that's ever happened. Lex keeps calling him my "work boyfriend."

My HR person sent me a very supportive email about domestic partner benefits.

TL;DR: Accidentally grabbed my friend's anniversary gift bag for his girlfriend, coworker saw a card signed "M," now my entire office thinks I'm in a throuple with my girlfriend and my male roommate.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/PercentageNo9270 on 2025-10-31 08:37:22+00:00.

I (27M) had a Zoom interview for a frontend dev role days ago. It was a super chill startup so I wasn't that nervous. The interview started off fine. The recruiter introduces herself and she seems super friendly. We’re chatting about my experience, and I’m feeling confident for once. Everything goes well.

Halfway through the call, she tells me she’s going to quickly mute herself to answer a message from her team and tells me to take a second to review the next question on the shared doc.

Then it happens. Like not a chair squeak, not a mic pop. We’re talking full bass, surround sound, unapologetic fart, echoing through her mic. There was a one-second pause, followed by her panicked face reappearing on camera.

Me being a fan of fart jokes and a habit of uncontrollably laughing at serious moments, I let out this awful snort-laugh which is the kind you do when you’re not supposed to laugh. Then I started coughing, trying to cover it up, which only made it worse because she could obviously tell. She tried to move on like nothing happened. She looked mortified.

I apologized immediately, but it was too late. We powered through the rest, but my face was bright red the entire time. We ended the call, I closed my laptop, and just laid down staring at the ceiling and I couldn't help but laugh again.

Right now, I'm still waiting to see if I passed the interview because I haven’t heard back from them yet.

TL;DR: During a Zoom interview, the recruiter farted while thinking she was muted. I tried to hold in my laugh, failed miserably, and now I’m probably not getting the job

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/NYC_Noguestlist on 2025-10-30 20:26:18+00:00.

So this is mildly embarrassing, but I have to live with it, so you all might as well get a laugh out of it. Earlier today, I was hanging out with a friend - we’ll call him Ryan, because that’s his name. We were supposed to meet up to run some errands, and I texted him, meet me at the store real quick, I need to grab some chap’s stick.

Now all my life, I genuinely thought it was two words, ike, a chap’s stick. A stick that belongs to a chap. It makes perfect sense in my head. Somewhere deep in my brain, that felt grammatically right. A chap (me) has dry lips. Therefore, I need my chap’s stick.

I’ve been saying it that way for years, even to other people, but no one ever corrected me, so in my head, that’s how it’s always been, and in my defense, if you’ve never texted it, never typed it into Google, and only ever said it out loud, your brain just kind of fills in the blanks with whatever makes sense.

Every time I reached into my pocket in winter, I pulled out my trusty chap’s stick. But with Ryan, I texted it out for the first time, and he immediately roasted me.

You mean Chapstick, right? One word?

Now, when I tell you the realization hit me like a freight train, I’m not exaggerating. I could literally feel my brain buffering, replaying the last 15 years of my life like, wait, has it always been one word?

When I actually met up with him, I tried to play it off, but there was no way to make it sound better. Like, what was I going to say? “Oh, yeah, haha, that’s what I meant, my finger slipped? No. It was joever.

So of course, I had to endure two solid hours of non-stop roasting from Ryan who followed me around the store doing this fake British accent, saying things like, “Oi, chap, might you spare a stick for my chapped lips?” and “Good heavens, where might a gentleman procure some of this chap’s stick you speak of?”

Then he started texting our group chat about it. Screenshots were sent. Memes were made. I’m Someone changed my contact name to That Chap’s Stick in their phone.

Ryan was still laughing when we got back to the car.

I tried to defend myself. I said, “Well, it makes sense, doesn’t it? It’s a stick for chaps!” But he just laughed harder.

Every time I look at that little tube now, I can practically hear Ryan’s voice saying, “Oi, chap, care for a dab of your stick?”

So, yeah. That’s the tale of how I was betrayed by my own brain. Every time I look at that little tube now, I can practically hear Ryan’s voice saying, “Oi, chap, care for a dab of your stick?”

TL;DR: Thought it was “chap’s stick.” It’s not.