Today I Fucked Up

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/tlapasaurus-rex on 2025-11-20 15:14:14+00:00.

This happened yesterday. I'm (43m) a licensed architect, and had to meet a contractor, who is a client, at a job site, so there were coordination texts back and forth. At the same time, I was texting a woman I have been "talking" to. We have bonded over our love of pets, and I decided to send her a funny video of one of my cats, who chases my hand to get pets. I was also shirtless, since the video occurred shortly after I woke up, and I'm sending it to a romantic interest, so added bonus. I check a bit later to see if she had replied, and the message wasn't showing, so I assumed there were issues sending the message because I didn't have service, so I waited til I had service again and resent it. I thought nothing of it, until I went to text the client this morning, and to my horror, the video popped up in his text thread. I immediately deleted it (I don't think it deletes on his end), and asked my question, and did not acknowledge the text at all.

TLDR: I sent video of me petting a cat while shirtless to a client.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Props_angel on 2025-11-21 02:58:50+00:00.

Happened on Sunday. I was going for a nice fall (no pun intended) walk and spotted some gloriously vibrant mushrooms popping up through golden orange leaves on the ground. I happily wandered off the path and into the leaves to start taking photos. One large orange mushroom the size of a salad plate, another brilliant red mushroom with cream spots straight out of a fairytale, and then, I saw it.

It was the most glorious mushroom I had ever seen with a deep wine colored cap that brightened into red at the tip with cream veiled lumps scattered across its surface. I walked over to take a few pictures of it but before I could take a single one, I felt my foot begin to slide down the slope as if the leaves beneath it had turned into skis. Panicked because I'd just had a spinal fusion last winter, I ground down with my foot in an effort to break the fall.

Almost immediately a flood of pain erupted with a gunshot crack in my ankle as I eased my upper body into a slide. When I stopped at the bottom of the small slope, my neck was fine but I couldn't lift my ankle off the ground. I ended up dragging myself about 20 feet up the slope where a nice elderly couple found me and I promptly passed out.

Just had the CT scan of my ankle done today. Trimalleolar fracture. Oblique fractures of the tibia and fibula and a vertical intra-articular fracture of the distal tibia which is more consistent with a high energy impact like a motor vehicle accident or fall from a height. I'll be in surgery on Wednesday getting surgical steel implanted into my ankle all because of a stupid mushroom (it was glorious though).

https://imgur.com/a/Cdw2jXM

TLDR: I'm getting steel implanted into my bones to put my tibia and fibula back together again because I tried to take a photo of a beautiful mushroom.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Cold_Translator3949 on 2025-11-20 22:37:22+00:00.

This morning I was sitting in the lobby waiting for my food delivery, playing on my phone and minding my business. I guess I sat there long enough, hood up, that my building manager didn’t recognize me and thought I was someone trying to sneak in. Instead of talking to me, he sent a building wide message saying, “Do NOT let the man in the gray hoodie inside until we confirm who he is.”

I only realized I WAS the man in the gray hoodie when my upstairs neighbor came downstairs, looked at me, and went, “Bro is this you?” She showed me the screenshot from the cameras. It was literally me slouched like a depressed NPC waiting for a side quest to begin.

I had to walk up to the manager and explain that I live here and he’s literally cashed my rent checks. He apologized so hard he offered me free laundry credits. So yeah I got security warned about myself.

TL;DR: Sat in my own lobby too long with my hood up > building manager thought I was a suspicious intruder > sent a warning about me > neighbor showed me the screenshot > had to tell everyone I’m not a stranger, just tired.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Low_Tone_4056 on 2025-11-20 22:11:50+00:00.

I (19F) am a college student who lives in my school dorms on campus and i take my school shuttles in order to get to and from my classes. My school shuttle has 2 main shuttles- one that goes around all of campus (Shuttle A), and one that goes off campus for those who live in the off-campus dorms (Shuttle B). Usually, you can tell which is which, Shuttle A is yellow and shuttle B is white, they usually have signs posted anyways to tell which is which too.

I had class earlier this morning and when hopping on the shuttle to get back to my dorm, I got on the yellow shuttle automatically assuming it was my usual shuttle . it, to my immense dismay, was not my shuttle. It wasn't a big deal at first, as soon as i realized the shuttle was going off campus, i chastised myself for a bit for getting on the wrong bus and told myself ill just get off at the next stop. When the driver dropped everyone off at the dorm, i was the only one left on the bus in the very back, out of the driver's sight. Something about me i feel is important is that i am probably the least confrontational person you'll ever meet. when the dude started driving back to the school, the music automatically changed and he turned it up to the MAX. like MAX MAX, it was so loud i could barely hear myself even breathe, like i genuinely don't think the decibels to which the guy turned up to the music to could be legal when driving on the road, but i didn't say anything. the dude was playing that "murder on my mind" song to this volume and started shouting to the song and im not gonna lie there were passing thoughts where i thought he knew i was in the shuttle and that he was gonna drive us into a ditch.

The thing is though, he never turned back onto campus, he started going to the 7-eleven near our campus, which is where the shuttles usually go to go on their BREAKS. DUDE WAS GOING ON HIS BREAK AND I WAS STILL IN THE SHUTTLE.

when he parked, he kind of just sat on his phone for a few minutes before many passing thoughts of "oh god what if it's a 30 minute break. oh god what if it's an HOUR break", so i got up and coughed to get his attention, but the music was too loud, dude couldn't hear me. I coughed a little bit louder, still nothing, so i tap on his shoulder in which he, no joke, let out the loudest scream of "what the fuck" i ever heard in my damn life while his arms flailed a bit. I cannot express in writing how much i felt SO BAD FOR THE GUY. I honestly probably would've done the same thing of blasting my own music if i was in his situation, i didnt want to embarrass the guy or anything so i went "im so sorry, i got on the wrong bus and i was in the back this whole time." He didn't really say anything to me, just turned really really red and let out a tiny "im so sorry" in which he slowly got out of the 7 eleven parking lot and started driving me back to the stop in which i initially got on. in Dead Silence. i still feel so bad, good god, i hope that guy has a good thanksgiving break

TLDR; i got on the wrong shuttle at my college, driver didn't notice i was there and thought he was alone, started blasting "murder on my mind" and took me with him to his 7-eleven break

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Tall_Artist_8863 on 2025-11-20 16:14:50+00:00.

I'm a real estate agent. Been doing this for about three years. Yesterday I had a showing with this client who's been looking for houses for SIX MONTHS. Every house has something wrong. Too many stairs, wrong shade of beige, neighbors car is ugly, I'm not making this up.

After the showing I'm driving back to my office and I'm venting to my coworker via voice memo. This is something we do all the time, just blow off steam about difficult clients. I recorded like a 4 minute rant. Called her exhausting, said she has champagne taste on a beer budget, the whole thing.

Hit send. Except I didn't send it to my coworker Jessica.

I sent it to the client. Jennifer. Same first letter, both J names, right next to each other in my recent contacts.

I realized immediately. Like that sick drop in your stomach when you know you just fucked up but it's too late. I watched the little "delivered" notification pop up and just sat in my car going oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck.

I tried to unsend it. You can't unsend voice memos in text messages apparently, which I learned the hard way. Then I tried calling her thinking maybe I could explain before she listened to it? She didn't answer.

She texted back 20 minutes later. Just said "I've heard enough. Find yourself a new client." Then she left me a one star review on Zillow mentioning that I called her exhausting and mocked her budget.

My broker called me this morning. Someone forwarded him the review. I had to sit in his office and explain what happened while he just stared at me like I was an idiot.

Now I'm trying to do damage control but there's not much I can do. The review is public. Other agents in my office have seen it. One of them asked if I was the "champagne taste beer budget" guy.

I lost a client and possibly tanked my reputation because I couldn't double check who I was sending a voice memo to.

TL;DR: Sent a 4 minute rant about my difficult client TO my difficult client, lost her as a client and got a public one star review calling me unprofessional.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/MiserableSpeed8861 on 2025-11-20 15:38:43+00:00.

Edit: Yes, my dentist is also my uncle. I didn't think it would be important to the story and might have switched to uncle mid way through

Obligatory didn't happen today but two weeks ago. I book an appointment to get a tooth filling.So I arrive at the appoinnted date and wait to get called in. Its important to note that I did no esearch on how the procedure is done or any care for it.

I get called in, walk in and have some small talk with my dentist before gettting to the actual doctor question.Heres the snippet of the important part.

Dentist: Have you gotten any sensitivity on the tooth? Me: No. I actually dont feel any sensitivity. Dentist: Okay. It doesn't look that deep. So, do you know what material you'd prefer or what type of numbing you'd want? Me: Ohh.. material.. any is okay. I honestly dont think I'll need any type of numbing, you said it's not that deep and I dont like injections. Uncle: .….Okay... Are you sure about the numbing? Me: Yeah. Uncle: Okay.

Cue the start of the procedure. Im sitting there thinking to myself why people are scared of dentists. Its super chill Ive never had any bad experience. He starts drilling my tooth Im like yeah I was right no pain.

Dentist: Are you sure you dont want any numbing? Me: "shakes head"

Continues drilling. One second passes two seconds..three seconds. The last thing I hear is him saying actually it looks abit deep then it hits me. The worst pain Ive ever felt in my life. I flinch and pull away. I already have tears in my eyes. I regret everything. I want to cry. Why did I do this to myself.

Dentist: Do you need any numbing? Me: "nods"

He pulls out the biggest injection I've ever seen. I hate injections. After that pain, It feels like a pinch. He gives it a few minutes to set.I get the procedure done. I still feel the lingering pain when he drills my tooth Im honestly half scared half expecting pain.

2 weeks later, Im back at that chair for a check up. The sound of a drill makes me flinch. I have muaic on blast to distract myself. I get it. The whole scared of dentists thing is so real.

TL;DR: Went to a dentist appointment, insisted I don't need any numbing ended up traumatizing myself and getting scared of drills.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/MissNovelist-94 on 2025-11-20 01:02:24+00:00.

[Warning] There is talking about bowel movements.

Like the title says, I fucked up by taking a laxative and now I'm regretting that choice.

I (31F) always have had weight issues, but over the last for years I managed to lose around 20kgs by exercising and watching what I eat. I occasionally go to a dietician do discuss how everything is going and if I need to adjust some things here and there. Got an appointment again next Friday.

Last Tuesday we had a teambuilding day with work where, beside some fun activities, we also went to a Korean BBQ. Super delicious, but as you might guess I ate way too much.

Now to the issue... For the last few days/up to a week or so, I noticed my stool getting harder and it was increasingly getting more difficult to go to the bathroom. Paired with the K-BBQ, I somehow found it a good idea to get some laxatives to get the system back on track (empty) and pick it up with food after that (more fibers etc)

That was mistake number 1.... I did not know it would work so strongly.

Mistake number 2 is that the box even said "Take it when you go to bed". I took it just after dinner. "Takes 6-12 hours to kick in", it's currently 2AM where I live and I'm shitting water (all blockages cleared tho)

TL;DR: I fucked up by taking a laxative and not following the instructions on the box.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/cmonfiend on 2025-11-19 23:57:19+00:00.

This was actually today. "You Oughta Know" by Alanis Morisette came on the radio at work.

I work at a hair salon that while not ~~ultra luxury high end~~ is a very nice place and we have a clientele of all ages, lots of 65+. The standard genre we listen to is more yacht rock-leaning, but are allowed to reasonably play what we like if everyone's happy.

Anyway, there's a big FUCK in this song and I knew that this specific station we had on isn't censored, but it isn't usually really a problem. For some reason I got worried about it when I saw it coming, but no problem, I pulled out my phone, the music is controlled from an app. Just in time I'm able to stop it! "Are you thinking of me when youuuu-". Cut music. I wait a sec and press play again. <---------- fuck up here

So, maybe you realized when I said the music is controlled from an app, but we listen to music through a streaming service. I know you can stream live stations, but this wasn't one. So what I did was... plunge the place into silence, only for the music to restart... right where it left off. "FFFFUCK HER!! CAUSETHELOVETHATYOUGAVETHATWEMADEWASNTABLETO-" Absolutely just drawing wayyyy more attention to that big ol eff than just leaving it alone.

Nobody noticed or said anything anyway and this whole crisis was confined to my head lol.

TLDR tried to stop bad word on radio, made it worse

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/500_Shames on 2025-11-19 22:43:28+00:00.

Obligatory “this actually happened like 3 years ago”.

I hit it off with a girl on a dating app. We went on a date and she seemed legitimately interested in me. The vibes were fantastic. She mentioned enjoying anime and manga, same as I do. When I was at home and we were texting, I recommended some random older manga that I really enjoyed and she asked where she could read it. So I googled around and came across an only mildly sketchy site where one could read it for free. I copied the URL and sent it to her.

She sent me a curt “what the fuck did you just send me?” text and I was baffled. It was a brief loop of “what are you talking about”, “this is fucking disgusting”, “I mean, I guess it’s a little on the darker side, but it’s a horror series, just keep reading”, “why the fuck would you think this was okay to send to me?” And then she unmatched and blocked me. I opened up the link again and it was fine. I had no idea what’d happened.

When I was having lunch with a friend and was venting to him about this, I pulled up the text conversation and clicked the link. I immediately realized what’d happened.

At the time, I had a Pi-Hole set up, a Raspberry Pi that acted as a network-level ad-blocker. When I had originally opened the link while connected to my home network, it just showed all the pages for chapter one and not a single ad. What I did not realize was that the Pi-Hole was holding back an incredible quantity of anime porn advertisements and videos. When later accessing the site on cellular data, I would be greeted with Bulma from Dragonball getting viciously viscerally viscously creampied by Bart Simpson. Closing that ad would show a clip depicting a “actually 1000 year old dragon in a very not 1000 year old girl’s body” doing… things. And some of the ads were even worse, depicting animated things of an even more questionable legal nature. It was sorta impossible to access the underlying site without closing 30 ads first.

It made perfect sense that she would unmatch someone that would send that to her after one date and act like it was fine.

TL;DR: My ad blocker kept me from realizing that the link I was sending to someone I’d go on one date with was filled with horrific hardcore anime porn. She unmatched and blocked me.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Glowing_Trash_Panda on 2025-11-19 22:35:55+00:00.

So last night I got drunk & was hungry (& lazy) & I’ve had bites of raw crescent roll dough before & everything was fine, so I ate some last night. I put what I didn’t eat in a ziplock & I’m gonna turn that into dumplings later. Well I got to wake up this morning to the most excruciating stomach pains I’ve ever had, even worse than my period cramps that will sometimes drop me to the floor. AND IT JUST HAS NOT STOPPED ALL DAY LONG!

I feel like I wanna die. I keep burping & everytime I think the pain is finally over, a couple minutes later it starts back up again. It’s mainly in the epigastric area & as a former paramedic I was worried I was having an inferior MI at first cuz the pain was so bad & I could barely breathe. Then I remembered what I ate last night. I figured I would just fight through it & it would go away after a few hours but no, it’s 4pm now & I thought it was done but after I tried taking a sip of water that set off the pain again.

Tl;dr- For the love of whatever you find holy, don’t eat raw crescent dough- especially like a quarter of the tube of it.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Odd-Occasion-3528 on 2025-11-19 16:03:44+00:00.

I'm only now realizing how fucked I actually am.

I'm a freelance translator, mostly Spanish to English for various companies. Last week I had two projects from pharmaceutical companies, both translating clinical trial documents. Company A is a big name, Company B is smaller.

I'm working on both, keeping them in separate folders. Very organized. Company A's file labeled CompanyA_Clinical_Nov.docx and Company B's is CompanyB_Clinical_Nov.docx.

Finished Company A's translation Tuesday morning. Had my coffee, did a final proofread, went to email it. Attached the document, wrote a professional email, hit send.

Except I attached Company B's file. To Company A. A document with confidential information about Company B's drug trials that Company A definitely shouldn't have.

Didn't realize until Wednesday when Company B asked for their translation. I went to send it and the file was still in the folder. That's when it hit me - if Company B's file is here, what did I send to Company A?

Checked my sent folder and felt my soul leave my body.

I immediately emailed Company A asking them to delete it without reading, that I sent the wrong file. Got an out-of-office reply. The manager's on holiday until next week.

So now somewhere in Company A's inbox is Company B's confidential document that I translated and sent them. Can't recall it. Can't confirm if anyone read it.

Company B doesn't know. Company A doesn't know I know. I'm just waiting for the shitstorm.

I've probably violated like fifteen NDAs and might've given Company A competitive intelligence worth millions. My career might be over. Can't sleep.

TL;DR: Mixed up files and sent Company A their competitor's confidential drug trial translation, potentially violating NDAs and creating a legal nightmare that I can't fix until someone gets back from holiday.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/rachel71701 on 2025-11-19 15:01:20+00:00.

I fell down a flight of stairs at my work a couple weeks ago. I didn’t want to go to the hospital, I told them I’d just go to an urgent care after work. Nobody listened, and I got sent in an ambulance. (This is in America, so… money).

A few days later, I got an email from the hospital about worker’s compensation. Turns out I had 2 weeks to fill out the form or I’d be charged for my visit. But I had a concussion when I got the email, and I couldn’t remember if it was real. I went back in my email to find it and couldn’t, so I figured I imagined it.

I just got the $3,000 hospital bill. Is there any way I can still get workers comp to cover it, or am I screwed out of $3,000 for falling at work?

Edit: I was not diagnosed with the concussion at the hospital, because I didn’t remember hitting my head. I told my symptoms to my PCP the week after when I followed up with her and she said “yeah, that was definitely a concussion”. The nurse I saw the day after my fall (not at the hospital, follow-up at my work with in-house nurse) ignored the symptoms and wouldn’t acknowledge the concussion.

TL;DR: I fell down a flight of stairs and it cost me $3k

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Due-Syrup-7645 on 2025-11-19 03:48:11+00:00.

Yesterday I came home from work, walked to the spot where I always park, and my car was GONE. Completely vanished. No glass, no signs of towing, just gone.

I panic, call the police, file a report, the whole nine yards. I spent the entire night imagining some joyrider living their Fast & Furious dream with my 2012 beige Corolla.

This morning an officer calls me saying they found it. Relief. Pure joy. Until he clarifies where they found it.

It was parked three buildings down. In a completely legal spot. Keys still in my coat pocket. Nothing wrong. Just sitting there like a loyal dog waiting for me to get my shit together.

Here’s the kicker: the officer straight-up asked me if I had been “under the influence of anything stronger than stress.” No sir, just profound stupidity.

Now I have to go retrieve my own car while a cop watches me like I’m a toddler who wandered out of the yard.

TL;DR: Thought my car was stolen, filed police report, turns out I just forgot where I parked. Police physically witnessed my walk of shame.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/wooltopower on 2025-11-19 01:43:16+00:00.

So earlier tonight I was eating a delicious roll with my dinner, and I thought it would be nice to put some butter and sprinkle some za’atar on top! If you haven’t had it before, it’s like a blend of herbs and sesame seeds, it’s a little tart and herby. Delicious on a roll with butter/olive oil.

I go pull it out from the pantry, and note that it’s been a while since I last used it. I pop it open, spread a generous slab of butter on my roll and sprinkle some on top. Then I sit down with my roll, and go back to scrolling on my phone as I start munching.

As I’m sitting there, a couple bites in, suddenly something catches my eye…. Some movement. Something. Something moving in the za’atar. I watch with growing horror as what must be hundreds of tiny little mites move slowly across the zaatar.

I stare for a couple seconds, frozen, and slowly look at my roll. Now, luckily, I seem to have avoided sprinkling pure bugs on my roll since I don’t see anything moving. But keep in mind, this is several bites in, and there was butter involved too. So… I definitely ate bugs.

Like, several many tiny little bugs. On butter, on my roll, so many bugs, chewing them up and eating them and I ate bugs.

TLDR; Didn’t look close enough at old spice mix before putting it on my food, ate half before noticing.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Naomeri on 2025-11-19 00:20:49+00:00.

Here’s an actual TIFU—I just got home 20 minutes ago and I’m feeling like just about the biggest idiot on the planet at the moment.

My office building has a little gym, with little locker rooms for each gender. Both the gym and the locker room require your gym keycard, and your keycard only opens the locker room for the gender you registered as.

After work today, I went up there, planning to run on the treadmill for a bit. I got into the gym, got into the locker room, and got all changed. The lockers are tiny cubes, so my street shoes and work clothes went in one cube, which I don’t bother locking because I’m not worried about people stealing dirty clothes.

My tiny gym bag and more important miscellany went into another cube and I popped my padlock on it and was about to step out the door when I realized I didn’t have my gym card on me, and it wasn’t on the counter either. My padlock key is attached to my gym card. Both are now locked in my locker.

I have a spare key for the padlock in my car. The problem with that is my car key is still in my backpack in my cubicle. My cubicle is inside my secure office. My office keycard is clipped to my gym bag, inside the now-locked locker. And even if I had my car key on me, I’d have to leave both the locker room and the gym in order to get to my car, with no way to get back to the locked locker because the only other person in the gym is a dude, and I’ve never even seen another woman using the gym, so it’s unlikely someone would be able to let me back into the locker room.

Luckily, it wasn’t 5pm yet, and my coworker leaves at 5 (she takes an hour for lunch, while I take a half hour) and I know which door she’s parked outside, so I make the choice to gather my clothes and street shoes, abandoned my locked locker and try to catch her before she leaves the building so she can let me back into the office so I can at least get my backpack and go home.

Tomorrow, I’ll have to ask the office manager/receptionist to let me into the gym and locker room, and in the meantime, hope that they aren’t super strict about the “no overnight padlocks” rule.

TL;DR: I locked all my access cards and my padlock key into my gym locker; consequences TBD

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/BulbazorTheLeafyFrog on 2025-11-18 06:24:48+00:00.

I am a new player (23M) to this group at our local gamestore, and I think 3 people are the OG of the group, including the GM(25F), and the other 2 recently joined as well.

Anyways, I introduced my character who is a Fighter who is looking for vengeance for the murder of his family, the game goes on for six or so sessions when a female NPC was introduced by the GM and we hit it off together, we made a sort of romance arc where my Fighter becomes distracted from his mission, then at the end, he remembers he had a mission to kill the BBEG who was responsible for the death of his husband and child.

When I revealed that part of the background, there was some sort of silence among everyone. The GM made an uncomfortable chuckle and moved on.

After that game night, she talked to me in my dms that I should have told her my character had a husband so she would've made a flirty Male NPC for my arc instead so I would feel more comfortable (she probably thought I was gay cuz my character had a husband).

I told her that a female NPC was fine cuz im straight irl anyway, and my character is bi.

Still, she told me it was disrespectful to make my character bi all of a sudden. Then the "burying the gays" trope. Then after confirming to her I'm straight, playing a bi character was apprently insensitive cuz I don't get their overall vibe or whats it like to be bi.

I was just speechless cuz Im pretty sure bisexuals also love women (can any bi people confirm this with me lol) and our arc/roleplay was beautifully written.

So I don't really understand where she is coming from.

As far as I know I didn't do anything offensive?. But I could be wrong, and maybe playing as a different sexuality was a mistake on my part?.

I'm definitely not in the group anymore, but we'll see next week.

TL;DR: Straight guy plays a bisexual D&D character. Was told I was insensitive for the sudden reveal of my character having a husband after the GM made a female NPC flirt with my PC. Now I am probably not invited in the group.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Ok-Bed583 on 2025-11-18 07:23:21+00:00.

So this happened a few years back, but my fingers still look weird enough that it deserves its own cautionary tale.

There are bad ideas. Then there are the kinds of bad ideas that only show up during the last stretch of a sixteen hour shift in a flour mill when your bloodstream is fifty percent exhaustion and the other fifty percent PBR.

The machine I was tending was ancient. A relic from the 1930s. Nothing digital. Nothing smart. Pure mechanical spite. It grabbed a bag from the stack, puffed air into it to open the mouth, dropped in about nine and a half pounds of flour, and sent it down the line. The sealing and stitching was handled later, a few stations downstream. My only job was to keep this temperamental dinosaur from jamming or exploding.

At some point that night, after too many hours of listening to the same clanks and whines, I had a thought no reasonable person should ever entertain.

What would happen if I stuck my hand in there.

I wish I could blame anything but myself, but curiosity and boredom are powerful drugs. And yes, the machine was running. So I did it.

The machine did not hesitate. It did not care. It did not pause to consider my value as a human being. It grabbed the bag as usual and my hand along with it. My index and middle finger took the full force. I felt the pain in perfect clarity. No delay. No confusion. Just raw nerve lightning. And then I watched the machine continue its cycle like it hadn’t just tried to amputate me. Bag filled with flour. Released. Sent on its way toward the dribbler like nothing was wrong.

When my fingers came back out they did not look like they belonged to me anymore. My middle finger was lacerated clean across the first knuckle on both sides. My index finger already had a bruise blooming under the nail, deep purple and angry. Throbbing like it had its own heartbeat.

I pulled the bloody bag off the line without even thinking. Then I walked off calmly like I was just going to get a drink of water, not trying to keep my insides from becoming outsides.

In the break room I found the first aid kit. That was when the real problem hit me. I could not apply a bandage using the same hand that needed bandaging.

My manager walked in and got the sanitized version of the story. I made it sound like a normal accident. Something that could happen to anyone. Not “I stuck my hand into a ninety year old flour machine for science.”

We wrapped it up. I double gloved. And because medical bills are expensive and pride is dangerous, I went back to work and finished the shift with a partially mutilated hand.

The middle finger works, technically. It just never went back to factory specs. The joint is weird. The nail looks a little off. The scars are faint now but you can still read them like bad handwriting if you know where to look.

That old machine never apologized. It just kept running.

Honestly, I kind of respect it.

TL;DR: Years ago I stuck my hand into a running 1930s flour bagging machine during hour sixteen of my shift because I got curious. It mangled my fingers but I still finished the shift. My middle finger has never looked normal since.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Odd_Accountant2669 on 2025-11-18 06:34:27+00:00.

I took a nap at 7 because I was feeling dead. I wake up from what feels like a full medical coma, see 9:00 glowing on my Alexa, and my brain immediately slams the panic button: “Oh shit, you have Econ at 9:30.” (For context, it’s a 20-minute drive to campus.)

No thoughts, no hesitation, just an android executing MorningRoutine.exe at maximum speed.

I got dressed, took my ADHD meds, did my hair, grabbed my stuff, and literally started driving to school like it was a totally normal Tuesday morning. I felt foggy and just… off, but assumed it was because I’d apparently slept for 14 hours. That should’ve been a massive red flag since I’m a 6–7 hours-a-night guy, but every once in a while I “catch up,” so my brain didn’t fight me on it.

Halfway there I’m bumping Kendrick, trying to wake up while waiting for my meds to kick in, but something’s weird… there’s no traffic. At all. This is supposed to be the end of rush hour. My brain slowly boots up, something’s not computing.

I finally check the car clock and it says 9:15… PM. I just sat there like an idiot, staring at it, fully unable to comprehend the sheer scale of my delusion. It felt surreal, like I’d glitched into a parallel universe where time means nothing and routines run themselves.

And since I live alone, there was nobody to stop me. I didn’t question the darkness nor the abundance of cars in the lot of my apartment complex. None of that was important, I had supply and demand to learn about!

So yeah, I got completely ready for school and am now wired on stimulants for a class that doesn’t exist for another 12 hours. I can sometimes sleep on my meds, but definitely not after a two-hour nap and a full morning sequence executed at the wrong end of the day.

Please shame me and laugh at me so I finally learn to double-check the damn clock instead of trusting my half-conscious caveman brain.

TL;DR: Thought it was morning… it’s night, but I took adhd meds and have class in 12 hours.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/tearsdontfallinspace on 2025-11-18 05:29:08+00:00.

Today was a hard day… not only my electricity couldn’t be connected because some issues that I didn’t expect, which means I had to call and postpone everything I booked for moving, and my parents were fighting so hard and left each other awful messages in the family group chat (but I can’t quit at this moment because I still need to talk to them about house moving, and they are coming to stay with me for 2 weeks, short term)

And I booked a birthday cake yesterday for today as it’s birthday of my best friend, and other friends also chipped in together for this cake. I was on the mission of picking it up because all others are at work today, I am off work since I am moving.

I arrived at the bakery shop, and they told me they have made a mistake on the book (it’s a stupid mistake - they wrote on the day before instead of today, and the chef read it as I picked up the cake yesterday) and don’t have the cake I ordered. They tried to ask me if I want alternative cake, or they also have smaller individually wrapped cupcakes. I asked them if they can bake one for me right now, but they said the chef has gone home.

I just started bawling my eyes out.

I feel so embarrassed but I just couldn’t stop, I felt nothing worked today and I am just so sad and so tired, and all my friends will get mad at me for not arranging the cake properly.

I don’t know how - but the person at the shop probably got so scared by seeing me bawling my eyes out over a cake, and somehow arranged a cake for me under 5-10 minutes. Maybe they took the cake pre-ordered for another day for me. And they gave me an extra donut.

I left the shop still couldn’t stop and still feel so embarrassed, I am usually quite well tempered, they probably don’t wanna see me in the shop again.

TL;DR: I bawled my eyes out at a bakery shop over a cake and I felt so embarrassed.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Dramatic_Bowler4793 on 2025-11-18 02:49:29+00:00.

I work at a small tech company where my boss is absolutely obsessed with “optimization.” He tracks his sleep, his nutrition, his bathroom breaks… everything. Meanwhile, I’m barely optimizing my life enough to remember to bring lunch.

Last week, he introduced a new initiative called “Morning Momentum,” where he wanted everyone in the office at 8:45 sharp, energized and ready to start the day together. Problem: I am never on time. Ever. Except, accidentally, one time.

One morning I woke up at 6 a.m. because my upstairs neighbor dropped something that sounded like a bowling ball. Couldn’t go back to sleep, so I got up early, showered, made coffee, sat in silence for 20 minutes contemplating my existence, and arrived at work at… 8:41.

My boss saw me walking in, eyes sparkling like he’d just witnessed the birth of a new era. “YES! This is EXACTLY the energy I want! This is what I’ve been talking about!”

I didn’t have the heart to tell him the truth, so I awkwardly gave a thumbs-up.

Fast-forward to this morning. My boss pulls me aside to tell me he’s added me to the “Momentum Leaderboard” as the “model employee” and wants me to speak at next week’s team meeting about my “morning routine.” He said it “clearly changed my life.”

I panic-laughed and said, “Yeah, totally.” Now I have to invent an entire fictional, inspirational morning routine by Wednesday, or confess that my only motivation that day was noise-induced rage and insomnia.

TL;DR: Showed up early to work one time by accident, boss thinks I’m a high-performance productivity guru, now I have to present a fake “inspirational morning routine” to the team.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/AFatherStill on 2025-11-18 00:32:50+00:00.

My grandfather loved his three big Labradors; I think he loved them more than his family. But the old guy fed them the cheapest garbage dog food on earth. The kind that made their turds turn white when they dried. The result of this food was nuclear-level dog farts and turds the size of small loaves of bread.

When I was 11, he made it my chore to clean up the poop and mow the lawn. I figured I could save time by just mowing over the piles of shit. Turns out, when you mow over big, fresh dog turds, they turn into a moist brown mist. The first time they saw me do this, my grandparents put a stop to it.

So, I invented a solution: the doo-doo catapult. Which was literally my grandmother’s spatula from her kitchen drawer.

On chore day, I’d wait for my grandparents to leave the house, then I’d get to work. I’d go outside, fling the dogs’ giant turds over the fence and onto the neighbors’ roof. Perfect aim. Pure roof, every time. They were jerks anyway, so I didn’t feel bad.

One day, after I’d skipped my chores for several weeks, my grandfather got mad and made me get to work. There was several weeks of poop, from three big dogs, it was gross. I was in a huge hurry, my grandparents had left and my friends were waiting out on the street for me. I didn’t check if the neighbors were home, nor did I check my aim. I just started rapid-fire launching turds over the fence.

After a bunch of launches, I froze, people were yelling, screaming and cussing. Our neighbors were outside having a backyard party, a whole bunch of people barbecuing. I had just carpet-bombed the entire thing with dog shit.

When my grandparents got home, the neighbors marched straight over, looking for blood, they were livid. My grandfather spoke with them for a long time, me standing behind him. After he calmed them down, by agreeing that he’d ground me for the rest of my life, the old man glanced back at me, gave the tiniest smile, and winked.

I didn’t get in much trouble. Mostly just a stern talking to from my grandmother. She said to never ever use her spatula again for doo-doo duty. Even my grandmother couldn’t hold back laughing, each time she said “poop,” during her stern talk with me.

They were the greatest grandparents in the world.

TL;DR: I used my grandma’s spatula to catapult dog poop over the fence, didn’t realize the neighbors were having a big party, I bombed the entire gathering with big Labrador turds.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/AliceMorgon on 2025-11-17 19:36:02+00:00.

Important information: I walk using a stick, so I only ever have one hand free at once.

Anyway, today I had multiple errands to run at various stops along the Antrim Road, so rather than waste my whole day waiting for a bus for 15 minutes to the next stop every time (since I can’t walk far) I decided to just book a taxi with multiple stops. Pharmacy, Iceland, the Lodge, the doctor… and the fateful Post Office.

Me and the driver had a grand old time chatting (in Ireland we generally sit in the front seat beside the driver and chat away for the whole trip.) We had a laugh about all the Irish signage controversy nonsense, sang along to the radio after I expressed my opinion that the song was “a certified banger”, and he made cracks at me every time I took a wee while at one of the stops “Youse busy chatting up all those young men were you? Sure you were, I see it all over yer” (in Belfast, mockery and sarcasm is kind of our love language if that makes sense.)

So, we finally get back to my wee house, and as I’m getting out the car with my stick the driver gets out and starts helping me by handing me bags. Lastly, he holds out the fateful cardboard shipping box (which was about the size of a large shoebox) and I reached under it to grab it and balance it over my arm (my view obscured by the large box) and instead grabbed… something else.

The worst part is, I DIDN’T LET GO STRAIGHT AWAY. Somewhere in my mind I just went “hmmm, this doesn’t feel like cardboard” and squeezed it. Then in one horrific moment, I realised exactly what was happening. I was unwittingly groping a Value Cabs driver in front of half the street (which means it’s already all over the New Lodge…) 😩

I whipped my hand back like it was on fire and apologised over and over and over as the taxi driver laughed hysterically, saying “Ach, it’s fine love, most action I’ve seen in years so, although sure I still can’t let you off the fare”, waiting for a hole in the ground to open and swallow me up.

In the end I just grabbed the parcel and fled to cringe in the privacy of my own apartment.

TL;DR: Made friends with my taxi driver during long trip down the Antrim Road, picked up a lot of stuff including a large box from the post office, and accidentally grabbed the taxi driver by the balls trying to take the cardboard box from him.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Happy-Draft-9147 on 2025-11-17 14:15:56+00:00.

TIFU by being a stubborn idiot about hot sauce

so my girlfriends family is from sichuan province in china. theyve been feeding me increasingly spicy food for like six months now. her mom always asks if its too spicy and i always say no because i dont want to look like a wimp

which like. i should have been honest because i have the spice tolerance of a toddler

anyway saturday we went to this hotpot place her family loves. her dad orders and i notice him smiling at me. should have been my first clue

the broth comes out and its literally red. like the color of a stop sign. i can smell it from across the table and my eyes are already watering

my girlfriend whispers "you dont have to eat it" but her whole family is watching and her little brother makes some comment about how white people cant handle real food

so obviously my dumb ass is like "nah im good" and i just start eating

first bite is fine. second bite is fine. by the fifth bite my mouth is on fire but im committed now

i drink like three glasses of water which i know makes it worse but i wasnt thinking. im sweating through my shirt. my girlfriends concerned but also trying not to laugh

her dad asks if i want the mild broth instead and i say no because im an idiot

twenty minutes in i excuse myself to the bathroom and throw up. come back and keep eating. throw up again. come back and keep eating.

my girlfriend is begging me to stop at this point but her family is being all impressed that im "toughing it out" so i keep going

we get home around 9pm and by 10pm im in serious trouble. cant stop throwing up. stomach feels like someones stabbing it. shaking. dizzy

girlfriend wants to take me to the hospital. i say no because im embarrassed. she calls her mom anyway

her mom talks to me for like two minutes and is like "get to the ER now"

turns out i gave myself gastritis. from hot sauce. had to get an IV and they gave me some medication. doctor said i "chemically burned my esophagus and stomach lining"

the nurse asked what i ate and when i told her she just stared at me and said "why would you do that"

i dont have a good answer

my girlfriends family feels terrible even though its 100% my fault. her mom keeps texting me apology messages with crying emojis. her dad sent me a care package with bland soup

my girlfriend wont let me live this down. she keeps calling me "the hotpot incident" like im a historical event

my stomach still hurts. im on this bland diet for two weeks. cant eat anything acidic or spicy. which sucks because i actually do like spicy food just not at the "chemically burn your internal organs" level

so yeah. dont be a stubborn moron about food you clearly cant handle. just admit you need the mild broth. your dignity is not worth gastritis

TL;DR: Tried to impress girlfriends chinese family by eating extremely spicy hotpot despite having no spice tolerance, kept eating after throwing up twice, ended up in the ER with gastritis and a chemically burned esophagus, now on bland diet for two weeks and will never live it down

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/NameLEsstp on 2025-11-16 16:07:34+00:00.

So, I live in an apartment where the walls are thin enough that I can hear my neighbor’s TV, phone calls, and, unfortunately, their parrot. This parrot, very beautiful animal but makes me want to rip my hair out and do things I am not proud to admit. Lets just say, he has become my morning alarm for the last few months.

About 2 weeks ago, I started mocking his sounds back. He’d squawk, I’d squawk. He’d whistle, I’d whistle back. We built up a little routine, kind of like distant, angry roommates communicating through bird calls. Sometimes I would even initiate it, like when I was cooking, I would randomly have a Tourette-like outburst and start squawking loudly. I know this is strange lol.

Yesterday, my neighbor knocked on my door and had a really odd look on her face. Apparently, ever since I started doing my “bird banter,” her parrot has become obsessed with me. I guess I just wasn't in the mood for bird talk the last couple days and went silent. She said he paces and screeches when I stop responding. She even showed me a video, was such an awkward experience. She said he used to have a parrot friend years ago that died, and she thinks it wants some sort of bird companion.

Anyway, she asked me to make a couple bird sounds as she put a treat in its cage to see if it would eat. I reluctantly agreed, and felt humiliated of course, but I went through with it, and sure enough, the little fucker started eating and playing.

Long story short, I became the object of a parrot’s affection, and my neighbor asked if I could “talk to him for a few minutes a day”, even gave preferred times if I'm home. I’ve unintentionally entered a long-distance relationship with a bird.

TLDR: Mocked my neighbor’s parrot, accidentally became his soulmate.

-JM

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Important_Onion8062 on 2025-11-16 10:54:08+00:00.

ive been seeing my therapist for about six months for anxiety and depression. weve talked a lot about my struggles with motivation and finishing projects. ive been trying to write a novel for like three years and keep abandoning it.

last session she asked me to set a goal for the week. i said id try to finish the first draft of my novel. shes been really supportive about this.

today i had my session. i was so excited because i actually finished it. stayed up til 4am last night writing the last chapter. i was exhausted but proud.

i logged into the zoom call and the first thing i said was "i finally did it last night. its done. i feel so much lighter."

my therapist's face went completely white. she leaned forward and very carefully asked "what do you mean you did it."

i said "i stayed up all night and just pushed through. i feel like a huge weight is off me."

she said very slowly "can you tell me exactly what you did."

thats when i realized how this sounded. i started laughing and said "oh my god no i finished my novel. the book. i finished writing it."

she put her hand on her chest and said "jesus christ you scared me. the way you said that i thought—" and then she just started laughing too.

she said when i said "i finally did it" and "its done" and "i feel lighter" she genuinely thought i was confessing to a suicide attempt or something.

we spent like ten minutes just laughing about it but i could tell she was actually shaken. she even asked if i was sure i was okay like three times.

im mortified. my poor therapist probably had a heart attack.

TL;DR: told my therapist "i finally did it last night, its done, i feel lighter" without specifying i meant finishing my novel. she thought i was confessing to something way darker.