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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Dramatic_Bowler4793 on 2025-11-18 02:49:29+00:00.
I work at a small tech company where my boss is absolutely obsessed with “optimization.” He tracks his sleep, his nutrition, his bathroom breaks… everything. Meanwhile, I’m barely optimizing my life enough to remember to bring lunch.
Last week, he introduced a new initiative called “Morning Momentum,” where he wanted everyone in the office at 8:45 sharp, energized and ready to start the day together. Problem: I am never on time. Ever. Except, accidentally, one time.
One morning I woke up at 6 a.m. because my upstairs neighbor dropped something that sounded like a bowling ball. Couldn’t go back to sleep, so I got up early, showered, made coffee, sat in silence for 20 minutes contemplating my existence, and arrived at work at… 8:41.
My boss saw me walking in, eyes sparkling like he’d just witnessed the birth of a new era. “YES! This is EXACTLY the energy I want! This is what I’ve been talking about!”
I didn’t have the heart to tell him the truth, so I awkwardly gave a thumbs-up.
Fast-forward to this morning. My boss pulls me aside to tell me he’s added me to the “Momentum Leaderboard” as the “model employee” and wants me to speak at next week’s team meeting about my “morning routine.” He said it “clearly changed my life.”
I panic-laughed and said, “Yeah, totally.” Now I have to invent an entire fictional, inspirational morning routine by Wednesday, or confess that my only motivation that day was noise-induced rage and insomnia.
TL;DR: Showed up early to work one time by accident, boss thinks I’m a high-performance productivity guru, now I have to present a fake “inspirational morning routine” to the team.