Comradeship // Freechat

Marxist analysis has made me realize my worth as a human, and I truly want to work for the revolution, and be a part. I want to liberate myself and everyone else, from oppression of the working class. But why bother. Just because it has helped me understand my value, doesn't make me any less depressed. I'm just so alienated. I'm moving to UK this Sept. for masters. Permanently away from my country. I don't want to settle in UK because of the queerphobia that's rampant there rn, but isn't it cowardly of me? To go for a place that is both safe for me and also a place where change is viable. I've seen comrades say its best to join an organization and make efforts in your home country itself but I'm moving out because I can't get the education and job I want from the country I'm in rn, and I can't see myself and the people I love being safe in UK too.

It is all so nihilistic. I fall prey to cynicism. I'm alienated. I see no hope. What if there is no point. What if bigotry will eventually rise up and take over, no matter what I do. I want to see myself belonging. And doing something for the sake of change and peace. My attention span is low too. I fail opening a resource I genuinely want to read and study. I just watch youtube. I just watch something else. I keep trying and trying, but I can't seem to find common ground between two entirely different worlds I see in the future.

I still survive. I still live. Being queer. Being mentally ill. Being inherently against the oppressive system. I continue to fight. I'll continue being kind. Making the environment around me peaceful for those I love, and for anyone wanting love. I can't give up.

I don't know what's the point of posting this. I hope everyone is doing well. Take care of yourself. Be kind. Keep fighting the war, both inside and out.