we've been no contact with my family on and off for a while - we were able to use covid and my daughter's premature birth as a scapegoat (which honestly was a worry anyways), but we've been starting to try and attend family events more now that my parents have grandkids other than my own kids. Having more in-laws and grand kids has seemed to help them mellow out a bit.
To over simplify, my mom and I've never gotten along. I know I have a lot of blame for that from when I was a kid / teenager, and I think my mom has some unresolved challenges of her own from her dad abusing her as a kid. That being said, as a Father of a few kids myself, the idea of my kids eliminating their relationship with me kills me inside, and I gotta think my mom feels similarly - I hope so at least. I've tried reaching out a few times a few different ways, trying to talk about things I know she loves - old Abbott and Costello movies, good food, baseball, etc. I feel like I'm talking to a wall - and at family events we do go to, she wont talk to me. I try to, and she'll respond with a smile, but she wont actually talk to me. Often at family shin digs (family pictures, birthday, holiday dinner) I wont get a word out of her. I can't tell if she's scared of me or if she just doesn't care.
This latest attempt kind of stung - I stuck my neck out and transparently stated I wanted to spend some quality time together. I'm trying not to read into it too much, but it seemed like time with me was a chore - which when I look back at any interactions we have, I can see that could be her perception. I want to get this to work. I'm not sure what to try next, I'd really love to have a good relationship with my mom. I've genuinely apologized for my actions as a kid a number of times, and I've been consistenly trying things like this in person or over messages for a few years now. I'm kind of at a loss.
I'm not sure if it's relevant here, but I'd recommend taking a look at the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. I picked up the audiobook from my library and it really helped me understand myself, my development, and my parents a lot better and to have a healthier outlook on our relationship. I always understood my parents had their own baggage, but I didn't realize the specifics I could be on the lookout for, the specific reactions I'd had that could be linked to it, and how to move forward.
It could at least be a good start. Best of luck!