this post was submitted on 02 Apr 2025
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So many comments echoing "women told us to stop approaching us, so we did!"
I mean no offense, truly, but you missed the point if that's the message you took. It wasn't "Do not, under any circumstances, speak to a woman" it was, "if you shoot your shot and she's not interested, move on and don't make it weird. If she is at work, be very careful as customer service does not equal flirting." Yes, there are some grey areas (not sure even the best gentleman could slide up to a woman alone in a parking lot and not freak her out), but some of you are kicking up the board without even moving a piece. Stop pushing the narrative that only attractive men can speak to women. Not only are you assuming you're not attractive by saying that (which cannot be good for your confidence) , you're reducing women's feelings and concerns as being blindly shallow and unwarranted.
The world is not full of only beautiful people, yet people still live and love. Not to dismiss the difficulties (as an uggo myself, I get it), but you can get out there, I know you can.
There are definitely a few (almost certainly a vocal minority) women who do say that - to never approach a woman under any circumstances. They're the extreme ones, for sure, but we can't ignore that they exist. Not in an age where everyone has a platform and the extreme positions get clicks.
Another example is the explosion of the manosphere shit. You get one dbag like Tate spreading shit that looks like self help for men. They get popular based on these ideas that seem okay on the surface, but they're really just manipulative, shady, outright illegal, etc. but because they're extreme views, that promise results, and that the target audience really wants to hear, now you can't go anywhere without seeing red/blue pill shit.
Circling back, all it takes is a few people saying and repeating "no approaching women in public EVER" and it spreads. Frustrated women repeat it (not even being literal), more men and women see it, engage with it because it's polarizing, and it grows. It's absolutely not hard to imagine that a lot of men truly believe that most women don't want to be approached ever.
I totally get that, but I just feel we have to do our part to stop pushing that narrative or at least explain it. It's not like men are stupid by default and can't be trusted in the public. It should have been an "FYI" mind of thing, instead of a decree.
Correct, men are not stupid by default. And yet there is still a very vocal subset of the population that shouts that at every opportunity.
It rarely matters what is actually true. We don't form our opinions of ourselves based on any objective truth. We form them based on what behaviors get reinforced and what behaviors get punished. Regardless of the truth, if the most prominent messaging coming in is "you're bad just because you were born a male" then you'll start to believe it.
I get the feeling that the best interpretation of your message is that you're denying that statement, the "all men are bad" statement. And that's a good thing. We need more people saying "not all men are bad" - but we have to do it in a way that acknowledges why people feel that way. It does no good to say "no one is saying don't approach people ever" when at least a few very loud, very aggressive voices ARE saying that, enough to drown out the majority population with reasonable intentions.