this post was submitted on 01 Oct 2025
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[–] Ilovethebomb@sh.itjust.works 110 points 3 days ago (10 children)

Poly relationships just sound exhausting.

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 75 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

I have recently found myself in one, but like... Not in the whole thing? I'm just as confused as the cat mom. I am seeing a dude who is in a poly relationship, but I only see him. He has so many other boyfriends that the guy literally schedules every hangout to try and give everyone equal time and attention.

Which I kinda love about him.

[–] cobysev@lemmy.world 29 points 3 days ago (1 children)
[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 25 points 3 days ago

Possibly. Except the yaoi version.

[–] joyjoy@lemmy.zip 28 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I couldn't imagine juggling multiple relationships, let alone one.

[–] showmeyourkizinti@startrek.website 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Too much work. If I want to disappoint a lot of people I’ll just go to a family reunion.

[–] joyjoy@lemmy.zip 2 points 1 day ago

Are we in Alabama?

[–] Lumisal@lemmy.world 12 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (2 children)

Open ones like the fox does I imagine are.

Closed ones are much simpler. It's like monogamy but with 2 or 3 more people.

[–] ameancow@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

It’s like monogamy but with 2 or 3 more people.

Yeah, that still sounds exhausting.

I guess people just don't put much effort into relationships anymore so it's easier?

[–] Lumisal@lemmy.world 0 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I mean, in my opinion a loving relationship of any kind shouldn't be tiring, whether it's monogamous or not. The way you're putting it, it sounds like the effort you put into your monogamous relationships is tiring to you, hence why you see more people in one being even more tiring. I don't exactly feel like I'm "trying" to make my partners happy - I'm just happy to make them happy. It doesn't drain me to love my partners, and I'm not sure it would drain anyone, monogamy or not. If it does, perhaps you might want to consider some introspection.

[–] ameancow@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

Let me know when you're done grandstanding with unhinged, delusional narratives. You sound like a 17 year old who had his first girlfriend and suddenly feels like the most important and righteous person in the world.

It's weird how defensive poly people get when others express their disinterest in complicating their lives.

[–] Lumisal@lemmy.world 0 points 1 day ago

I've been in monogamous relationships too. Was monogamous most of my life. They didn't feel tiring either. I'm probably older than you if anything, and none of my relationships have ever felt tiring but one - and that was the worst one I ever had, because they were not a mentally healthy person at the time. It was not a healthy (monogamous) relationship, and that's why I said if your relationship is feeling tiring, perhaps you should have some introspection.

I was never trying to convince you of being poly, because it's not something you really choose as much as you are born like; you're the one who assumed something about it and felt the need to comment on it. My only guess is that such assumption comes from your own experiences.

That's how I used to roll. A close relationship with any person comes with a certain amount of inherent drama. Adding more people increases that drama, typically somewhat linearly, but it can be exponentially if everyone is involved with each other. Closed is much more predictable. Someone like me can't handle open, I'm not emotionally resilient enough.

[–] Flax_vert@feddit.uk 5 points 2 days ago

"relationships" bro that's a group chat 💀

[–] BarbecueCowboy@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 2 days ago (1 children)

In my experience, which is limited, it's not as hard in practice. Especially if you're just involved in the relationship and not trying to actively coordinate it, you just kinda do whatever as time allows.

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago

Yeah I've been poly for the better part of a decade and yeah there are those people, and you hear about what's going on with them a lot because there's always so much going on. Meanwhile there are plenty of us who are generally in stable situations though we may have occasional flings when the mood and energy strike.

[–] Passerby6497@lemmy.world 15 points 3 days ago

It can be, but shared calendars make things soooooo much easier

[–] smh@slrpnk.net 3 points 2 days ago

Mine's fine. My partner is also dating someone else and that person is awesome. Sometimes my partner is gone for a weekend, which means I get the whole condo to myself, can take up the whole dining table with my hobby mess, and can order delivery food that would give him heartburn (instead of ordering from someplace he can also order from).

Sometimes his girlfriend visits us, which is a great impetus to clean the condo. She's also a great cook ☺️

[–] spittingimage@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago

Imagine having multiple people texting you to pick up some milk on the way home.

[–] Maven@lemmy.zip 9 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Honestly, the biggest thing is open communication and planning.

[–] twice_hatch@midwest.social 29 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] Maven@lemmy.zip 4 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Do you not... already openly communicate and plan things with your partner????

[–] lightnsfw@reddthat.com 3 points 2 days ago

One partner. Not 7.

[–] lath@piefed.social 4 points 2 days ago

In this scenario, you only communicate with one other person, while the other person communicates with several others. Maintaining this kind of relationship sounds exhausting.

[–] SmoothOperator@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago

I can definitely see it being more exciting than exhausting, but to each their own.