Off My Chest
RULES:
I am looking for mods!
1. The "good" part of our community means we are pro-empathy and anti-harassment. However, we don't intend to make this a "safe space" where everyone has to be a saint. Sh*t happens, and life is messy. That's why we get things off our chests.
2. Bigotry is not allowed. That includes racism, sexism, ableism, homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia, and religiophobia. (If you want to vent about religion, that's fine; but religion is not inherently evil.)
3. Frustrated, venting, or angry posts are still welcome.
4. Posts and comments that bait, threaten, or incite harassment are not allowed.
5. If anyone offers mental, medical, or professional advice here, please remember to take it with a grain of salt. Seek out real professionals if needed.
6. Please put NSFW behind NSFW tags.
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Keep a log. Document each instance, especially verbal that doesn't create its own record. Write down the time, place, manner (verbal/text/email/etc), and what was said by whom, and note if there were any other witnesses present. Don't respond in kind. If possible, don't respond at all.
If it comes down to you vs. them, having a written record will carry more weight than your word alone. Filing a complaint is important to generate a paper trail, even if nothing is done about it immediately.
Keep in mind that if HR gets involved, their job is to protect the company's interests from employee issues. This might be helpful to you - if this person is also harassing other people, and you can demonstrate that, then she becomes a threat to the company's interests.
Stick to a simple, straightforward message: you are happy with your work and you want to continue working with your employer, but this other employee is interfering with your ability to get your work done and is causing you personal stress and inappropriately contacting you outside of work hours. Everything that you present should back up that message.
*Also, don't volunteer the log, don't mention that you're logging these events, don't bring it up. You don't have to hide it as if you're doing something secretive, just do your best to be nonchalant about it. It is merely an observational record, and it only matters if this issue turns into a fight. It is not a weapon, it is a shield.
If the moment comes when you're having a meeting about this with management and HR, and they're asking you to justify the complaint you filed, that is when the log becomes relevant.