I have tried therapy on and off for a while now. People would always get frustrated with me and tell me to "get therapy," but I never knew what I was actually supposed to be there for. And I tried a service like BetterHelp before (can't remember what this one was called), but it just sucked ass and I'm not sure if the people on there were even licensed professionals.
I finally started going consistently with this one therapist, but I frequently get frustrated with her for not giving me actual coping skills or techniques. One of her favorite things to ask me is "how can you deal with X?" And I get frustrated and say "I don't know." Because if I fucking knew I wouldn't be in therapy. She seems to do a more meandering talk therapy style thing with vague ideas of DBT and CBT thrown in there. She's not giving me enough skills to not get fired at work. She helped me go through a difficult time, but now that that's over, I'm back to square one.
So I found a therapist who specifically states she does DBT. Over time I have learned that my core issue is emotional dysregulation which is treated by DBT. She told me she follows this one workbook. I got the book. It's great! It gives you a zillion and one coping skills. But after having several sessions with her, I notice that she spends the entire time just going "in chapter 4, this happens. Then in chapter 8, this happens" while my eyes just glaze over. Today the session ended 35 minutes early because she only vaguely contributed to me talking about a problem I had today.
I have been seeing both therapists concurrently until my deductible resets in January.
I just am so endlessly frustrated with the entire mental health industry. I've seen so many different therapists. I've really tried to do any exercises that they have given me. I've tried multiple different psych meds (trying a new one now actually!).
Nothing works. Nothing has changed about me. I'm the same person with the same problems. And nothing I seem to try makes a lick of difference. I try so hard. I try a zillion different things...exercise, getting good sleep, eating right, therapy, meds...nothing changes me. Nothing helps me.
What in the everliving fuck am I missing? Do I have to go through 30 different therapists before I can find one that can help me? Am I just doing therapy "wrong"??? What am I supposed to be doing here?
Through all this, I've found that telling someone to "go to therapy" is almost offensive...it just absolves others from caring about you and makes it sound like you're not willing to do the base effort in bettering yourself.
Sorry for the long post and thanks for taking the time to read.
I’ve had a multitude of therapists in my life, and honestly it’s been a crap shoot of success; mostly crap.
But my current therapist is awesome. She’s not your traditional therapist, and if I’m being honest she’s not the type of person I would be interested in listening to for advice. That is to say that she and I are polar opposites with our personal belief systems. But, somehow, it works. We mutually respect each other. I don’t always agree with what she says, but I get what she is trying to say. And that’s what matters.
Listen for the intent, not the literal words. And if you feel your therapist and you aren’t vibing, find another therapist. It’s like dating. You’re not always going to match with someone. That’s okay. But staying with them because you don’t want the conflict of rejection, or the idea of starting over, is very wrong.
Slow down. Think about what you want from a therapist. Short of that, remember what has not worked for you in the past and use that as a guide going forward.
Gove them, and yourself, grace while you figure it out. I mean it when I sag there is no right or wrong answer here. Do what’s best for you.