I have tried therapy on and off for a while now. People would always get frustrated with me and tell me to "get therapy," but I never knew what I was actually supposed to be there for. And I tried a service like BetterHelp before (can't remember what this one was called), but it just sucked ass and I'm not sure if the people on there were even licensed professionals.
I finally started going consistently with this one therapist, but I frequently get frustrated with her for not giving me actual coping skills or techniques. One of her favorite things to ask me is "how can you deal with X?" And I get frustrated and say "I don't know." Because if I fucking knew I wouldn't be in therapy. She seems to do a more meandering talk therapy style thing with vague ideas of DBT and CBT thrown in there. She's not giving me enough skills to not get fired at work. She helped me go through a difficult time, but now that that's over, I'm back to square one.
So I found a therapist who specifically states she does DBT. Over time I have learned that my core issue is emotional dysregulation which is treated by DBT. She told me she follows this one workbook. I got the book. It's great! It gives you a zillion and one coping skills. But after having several sessions with her, I notice that she spends the entire time just going "in chapter 4, this happens. Then in chapter 8, this happens" while my eyes just glaze over. Today the session ended 35 minutes early because she only vaguely contributed to me talking about a problem I had today.
I have been seeing both therapists concurrently until my deductible resets in January.
I just am so endlessly frustrated with the entire mental health industry. I've seen so many different therapists. I've really tried to do any exercises that they have given me. I've tried multiple different psych meds (trying a new one now actually!).
Nothing works. Nothing has changed about me. I'm the same person with the same problems. And nothing I seem to try makes a lick of difference. I try so hard. I try a zillion different things...exercise, getting good sleep, eating right, therapy, meds...nothing changes me. Nothing helps me.
What in the everliving fuck am I missing? Do I have to go through 30 different therapists before I can find one that can help me? Am I just doing therapy "wrong"??? What am I supposed to be doing here?
Through all this, I've found that telling someone to "go to therapy" is almost offensive...it just absolves others from caring about you and makes it sound like you're not willing to do the base effort in bettering yourself.
Sorry for the long post and thanks for taking the time to read.
there is no right way to do therapy. you are open to it being useful and that would have been the only barrier. have you been direct with these therapists? this is your mental health. you are allowed to be an advocate for your needs. tell them you think this isn’t working for you and you’d prefer to talk skills building. you can tell a therapist when you’re not getting any use out of their current approach.
however, yes, unfortunately the mental health industry is underfunded and underpaid and therefore understaffed. there is a shortage because more and more people need therapy now than ever. you may have to cycle though a lot of bullshit before finding something truly worthwhile. it sucks and is unfair.
I tried to be very direct with my current therapist and her response was pretty unhelpful. She seemed to get mildly offended and then gave me a zillion specific therapy terms as if I just said she wasn't knowledgeable or something. That is not at all what I said to her and I was a bit disappointed in her response.
I started off very direct with the second and I really liked her initial response, but she doesn't seem to say much to me during the sessions other than "I really like X chapter in the book. I really like Y chapter in the book. How are you liking the book?" and I try to respond but there is only so much I have to say. I've had 3 sessions with her and this is what each of them are like.
So my goal for the moment is to keep my current/old therapist and then work on the workbook as a supplement.
that sounds like a decent plan for now. i would recommend perhaps in the future moving to a different therapist if the pattern continues. but i think this would be an okay way to handle things.