this post was submitted on 18 Sep 2023
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submitted 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) by shapis@lemmy.ml to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml
 

I have a few questions on how to best behave to be as welcoming and inclusive as possible without sounding bad. I hope you guys don't hate me.

I'm just a straight male. Are my pronouns he/him? Is that how I should tell people? Do you actually tell them as you meet them ? Do I have to wait for a certain social cue ?

How about online. Should I tell people or have it on my personal profile somewhere?

And about respecting other people's pronouns. How do i figure them out ? Is it a big faux pas if I don't before I know them ? Is it a faux pas if I refer to someone I just met and I assumed to be male as he/him?

I've never seen anyone referring to anyone irl by non conventional pronouns. Is it an actual thing or is it currently being pushed to make the world a more inclusive place?

I'd love some help with all of this.

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[–] shapis@lemmy.ml 90 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (5 children)

That's a relief.

So just go on about my merry way and if someone corrects me respect their choices ?

[–] fubo@lemmy.world 92 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (2 children)

Yeah. Like if you thought someone's name was Joe but it was actually Jeff and they tell you that, it's not a big deal. Just one of those things that sometimes happens if you're meeting new people.

[–] OwenEverbinde@lemmy.myserv.one 24 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

Oh no, if I think someone's name is Joe and it turns out being Jeff, I feel atrocious.

[–] fubo@lemmy.world 14 points 2 years ago

Sure, but you probably have the sense to focus that into remembering their name correctly next time. You wouldn't go telling them that Jeff is a molester name because Epstein and that therefore they should pretend to be named Joe.

[–] LillyPip@lemmy.ca 2 points 2 years ago

Exactly this. It’s just a minor social correction. Like if you meet Pamela and a few sentences later you call her Pam. She corrects you to ‘Pamela’ because she doesn’t like the nickname. No big deal, you call her Pamela and move on. It’s like that.

[–] Nonameuser678@aussie.zone 56 points 2 years ago

From what I've seen gender diverse people generally seem to understand the difference between someone's who's just made a mistake and someone who refuses to use the correct pronoun despite being corrected numerous times.

[–] luxyr42@lemmy.dormedas.com 27 points 2 years ago (1 children)

That last bit is the important thing. If someone tells you pronouns, use them. If someone tells you they prefer "they/them" and you keep using he or she on purpose, you are disrespecting them.

We all make mistakes sometimes and most people I've met who use alternative pronouns that may conflict with their socially expected appearance don't mind correcting someone a few times or will brush it off a few times, but more than that, especially if you see and interact with this person regularly, you become an asshole.

[–] Transcendant@lemmy.world 12 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I try really hard to be respectful of someones pronoun choice but I will readily admit I find 'they/them' requires quite active concentration and thought not to refer to someone as she / he.

[–] CookieOfFortune@lemmy.world 9 points 2 years ago

Writing interview notes have actually helped a lot for me to use they/them since we have to be gender neutral in our notes. Now it's not so hard to switch into using it when needed.

[–] Sneptaur@pawb.social 20 points 2 years ago

Yep exactly! I’m trans and can confirm it’s not a huge deal. It’s actually usually fine to assume someone’s gender.

[–] gibmiser@lemmy.world 12 points 2 years ago

I think the people who end up getting upset are the ones who are isolated from the LGBT community in real life.