this post was submitted on 08 Feb 2024
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How do you deal with suicidal thoughts? (beehaw.org)
submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by noctisatrae@beehaw.org to c/chat@beehaw.org
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I’ve 🐝 bee-n fighting for two years now. I have this « job » that I’ve been stuck with forever now. My inability to enjoy the little things of life is just another indication of my dereliction: hating the bitter man I’m becoming, seeing myself in people I despise, being unable to think, speak, create.

There’s no future for me here. No way out from my work. No time to dedicate to what I love. I read the introduction of Camus’ « L’homme Révolté » about absurdism in other to be something else than a consuming shitty human, and I don’t agree with most of the moral dilemmas: killing yourself is not the same as killing another person. I’m making a choice for myself and maybe, one of the limits of this argument is that I’m imposing my absence on others…

But who might miss me? My family & friends? It’s true, there are the ones that made me stay this long, but nothing is changing, and I need to help myself.

ಥ_ಥ, maybe see you tomorrow ?

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[–] gapbetweenus@feddit.de 15 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Care to share what you love?

[–] noctisatrae@beehaw.org 17 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I love making music, I love coding & contributing to open-source, I love writing/DMing tabletop roleplaying games & stories, I love reading fantasy & philosophy (mainly) books, I love to grow gourmet shrooms, I love meeting interesting people, urban exploration

I love the world and what it has to offer, I can not participate in it… I’m stuck in this shitty situation

[–] gapbetweenus@feddit.de 4 points 1 year ago

May I ask, how did you get stuck in a job? I ask since I changed my occupation field rather drastically once (studied biology, went into freelance design and live visual arts) and there is a good chance I might do it again soon (right now I'm not sure what I will do next).