this post was submitted on 17 Feb 2025
8 points (83.3% liked)

LGBTQ+

893 readers
26 users here now

A safe space for GSRM (Gender, Sexual, and Romantic Minority) folk to discuss their lives, issues, interests, and passions. LGBT is still a popular term used to discuss gender and sexual minorities, but all GSRM are welcome beyond lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people who consent to participate in a safe space

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
KatGaea@lemmy.world
tifa@lemmy.world
inb4_FoundTheVegan@lemmy.world
8
my gf is hardly ever online and prefers games (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) by drbollocks@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/lgbt@lemmy.world
11 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/22098369

(found this community more fitting because im a lesbian, also because I see people get downvoted a lot in advice communities despite being made for advice)

she’s just not a very active person online. when she is, shes only active in group chats with her friends.

usually, she talks about video games, and is actually offline because she plays video games almost all the time.

is there any way to salvage the relationship? she’s too focused on her interests to be interested in mine, and like I said, is almost always playing games so we barely talk aside from: “hi ❤️” “Hi sweetie ❤️” “hru??” “Good, just playing games, you?” “good :)) im listening to music” and then the conversation ends because she doesn’t message first and is busy with the other stuff.

(i have tried talking to her and she says she’s usually busy. shes either genuinely busy, busy with games, or in a bad mood and doesn’t feel like talking [sad/tired])

she either types “oh!” “…/.” or “erm what 😨” when i say smth

also, shes quite dry around me, often giving like one word responses and only being super energetic around her friends and when posting about video games.

idk if she’s actually just busy or making excuses, since shes usually talking to her friends or other partner (open relationships)

top 11 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] lath@lemmy.world 4 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Gaming consumes time and brain power. Don't expect a dedicated gamer to socialize too much in aspects other than the games they play or are interested in.

If you wanna talk, you gotta bring it. They won't because they can't. Their mind is blank in topics other than their games.

It's a mini world they live in and you're the connection with the outside. Think of it as keeping them up-to-date.

Anyway, this is in the scenario that your relationship is still relatively good.

If the relationship is going cold, this effort, should you choose to accept it, might end up doing nothing to stop the decline.

[–] drbollocks@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (2 children)

she never offers to play video games w me, I’ve tried talking to her abt getting into them and she just doesn’t socialize :(

plus she’s obsessed with guys and has love notes about (male actors or ai men, i would assume) in her notes and when i flirtatiously ask who she’s talking about, she acts guilty and says she can’t tell me ??

she says one of them is her bf and makes sexual comments about him, also says he got her pregnant

[–] lath@lemmy.world 2 points 4 months ago

Sounds.. complicated.

I recommend you take the time to confront your feelings and decide whether it's worth pursuing this kind of relationship.

Deeply ingrained habits tend to relapse periodically even if one tries to reform, so what you're experiencing now might end up repeating itself in the long run. It takes a strong will to become a strong person.

If you don't want to deal with this sort of personality flaw, then it's alright to have a change of heart. A relationship can't be one-sided, it will crush the other side.

[–] ryedaft@sh.itjust.works 1 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Wat? No. This is neither normal nor ok.

Like, some people aren't very communicative on their phone but love real interaction. But it sounds more like this girl is... not good to be around. Online or otherwise. Since you are polyamorous you can just start dating other women. You aren't really required to break it off now. This is of course not good relationship advice - just advice for this particular situation that you find yourself in.

[–] drbollocks@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 4 months ago

i actually did break up with her last year because she thought i didn’t care about her. she then said i broke up with her because i’m a horrible person and said i assaulted her.

then, after a year, she apologized profusely and said she can and has changed.

anyway, i’ve tried starting a convo on the phone and it starts out flirty but then it’s just her talking about her interests and hot guys (which i don’t find interesting as im a lesbian 😅)

[–] pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I feel the "consumed by video games to the exclusion of all else", one of the reasons I don't date is I don't think I could give a partner the time and attention they deserve and that it takes to make a relationship work. Also, I find it difficult to spend time with people without a shared activity to do. ADHD and/or other neurodivergent problems. Does she know you feel she's neglecting you?

[–] drbollocks@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 4 months ago (1 children)

idk, she seems to give her other partner attention and plays the games w her. they have the same opinions and interests so even tho my gf said she likes my interests, she never is actually interested in what i like :( only what she does

[–] pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Hypothetical question for you. If she behaved like that when you first met her, would you want to date her? It sounds like she's no longer interested in you but isn't comfortable breaking it off or doesn't even really realize it herself. I'm not a good person for giving advice, so I won't, but ask yourself if your relationship with her is something you really want to continue.

[–] drbollocks@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 4 months ago (2 children)

no, not really, to be honest.

i dated her bc she paid attention to me and treated me right. we’d talk about our interests, she’d say she liked my interests and that my autistic ramblings are cute

she would sometimes talk abt movies or video games, i’d also take an interest in them.

we would pick out stuff that reminded us of our relationship

[–] drbollocks@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 4 months ago

she’s kind of a “lgbt right winger” last time i heard and her gf somehow has the same interests as her, exact same opinions, plays the same games with her, and doesn’t respond outside the group chat just like her…

[–] Flummoxed@lemmy.today 1 points 4 months ago

That then is your answer, friend. It's time to move on. It sucks, but it happens and it won't feel as bad later if you just end it now.