The Onion and other satire w/ layers

Promising to lift export controls on AI chips if they received the rare first-edition trading card in return, U.S. trade negotiators reportedly offered China access to advanced semiconductors Tuesday in exchange for a holographic Charizard. “We’ll give you state-of-the-art Nvidia GPUs if you give us a PSA 10 Gem Mint holographic Charizard,” Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent said to a Chinese trade representative, later explaining to reporters that the Trump administration hoped to shore up America’s complete set of the original 151 and was willing to part with its most sophisticated machine-learning processors to achieve that goal.