I'm not British or Australian, but this is what I'd want.

My scotch-bonnet-munching brother took one look at this and nearly laughed his ring of fire clear off his seat.

I like spicy food but even mild spice plays up with my stomach and a while after eating some I could shit through the eye of a donut at thirty yards. So I really appreciate things that are meant to be spicy but have an option where they’re not so that I can experience a bit of what I can no longer have.

That seems weird. All the people I know from the UK are into flaming hot Indian food so I can't imagine they would have a problem with mild salsa. And I have yet to see an Aussie fridge that doesn't have multiple bottles of extra hot sauces. I consider myself to be a wimp with hot spice - my stomach and I disagree on the matter and it wins - but even I can handle "mild". Not that I believe people don't exist (I know one or two), but that there would be enough population to make it a worthwhile sales change surprises me.

And I just tested the hot sauce Da bomb beyond insanity. Long story short, it lives up to its name.

Its weird. Australians are badasses. Why can't they eat like badasses?

Spice ratings annoy me so much! I can eat one meal called flaming hot and it's cooler than another that is warm or sometimes even mild.

I can only imagine that it's just blander because "mild" here is pretty much spiceless. Hot is baseline mild spice. Extra spicy is what I think of as being spicy, and then everything above that is if you want the burn but none of the flavor.

The burning they experience was nothing to do with the spices.