this post was submitted on 03 Oct 2025
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[rules] before discourse (infosec.pub)
submitted 5 days ago by abs_mess@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/onehundredninetysix@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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My take is either red hot or ice cold I have no idea, it's been rolling around in my head for a while now. The vibes are bad, the energy is off, and my pattern recognition alarm bells are ringing. Discourse is here.

Some of these memes that pit women against men in some gender war specifically assume a stance on gender binary that I don't think 196 has ever been keen on. I know I am not the first to call this stuff out as TERF bullshit on this place.

For context, Moldemort does not describe herself as a TERF with "radical-feminism" from the 60's. She sees herself as "a feminist", despite allying herself with far-right figures that are in explicit opposition to current goals. It really doesn't help with coalition building.

I know, I know that these are supposed to "just be memes", but I really don't think that some of these are "just memes" anymore. Beyond the regular agenda-posting, I am starting to think that the undercurrent of misandry in some of "those posts" are completely unironic, having gone from the rather typical loser-posting to straight up "I hate men". How on earth do you post that???? Is this really a common sentiment??? Why is this getting upvoted in a leftist space???

Maybe someone else can post the "tell us about your ex" thing or shitting toothpaste idk

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[–] SnotFlickerman@lemmy.blahaj.zone 31 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (2 children)

having gone from the rather typical loser-posting to straight up “I hate men”

Maybe I have just been missing this stuff, but I haven't seen a whole lot of that at all, and I generally feel accepted in this space, and I think it's pretty clear I am a cisgender man.

Also, while it's not a great thing to do, we have to accept that a lot of people here have truly experienced real trauma at the hands of cisgender men. Sure, they could be more forgiving of cisgender men who didn't cause that pain for them, but when the majority of cisgender men fall into the kind of camp of men that hurt them, it seems a bit rude to tell them that they need to stop feeling that way. Especially with trauma, we can't control our feelings very well, and if the feeling is "I cannot trust cisgender men, they are hurtful and dangerous people," I can't really fault someone who has experienced trauma for feeling that. Also, it's the internet, people are just expressing how they feel, and they're not necessarily trying to influence discourse a specific way.

Just my two cents. In a safe space like this, I don't think it's necessarily misandry as much as people just speaking their truth and how they feel. Nobody is perfect, none of us is above this kind of behavior of excluding certain people because of the trauma we have experienced. I almost instantly distrust religious people, for example, and I really shouldn't, some of them are genuinely kind, loving, and compassionate people. Yet, that feeling persists inside of me due to all the trauma I have experienced at the hands of the religious. I hope any of this makes sense. While we should want people to be better, we should also have the capacity to be forgiving of imperfection in this majority-trans safe space. This is one of the few spaces where people can really voice feelings like this and not instantly get dogpiled by misogyny and transphobia. I don't necessarily see a good reason to take that personally or worry about it in the larger "discourse." The people here don't have the media presence or control like Moldemort does, they're just people, and overall they're socially they're in the minority. This is where they should be free to express those feelings and not have other people act like it's a problem to feel that way. They deserve that grace.

[–] TheSambassador@lemmy.world 10 points 4 days ago

I'm actually 100% in agreement with your post except for this:

when the majority of cisgender men fall into the kind of camp of men that hurt them

Stating this as fact seems a bit dangerous here. Yes, we know there are absolutely terrible people out there, but how do you arrive at "the majority of men are terrible people?"

[–] abs_mess@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 4 days ago

Fair enough, though I still worry, ironic as it is.

[–] odd@piefed.blahaj.zone 24 points 5 days ago (1 children)

i went through our recent and top posts for the last month and didn’t see anything close to that, are you sure it’s this 196? i have the others blocked and don’t know what they’re up to.

[–] Maxxie@piefed.blahaj.zone 7 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Did the same thing with the same result 🤷‍♀️ Without examples this just kinda looks like pearl clutching

[–] abs_mess@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (2 children)

Hi, yeah. It's not this community, more wider lemmy.world shenanigans and an absolute fire hose of content from a specific user. The post in question only stood out based on how egregious it was (green background, cursive, the phrase, dead center with a blurb following it.) Maybe I'm just going insane, but I just decided that I was going to get off of social media for a bit. I came back, and one of the most commented posts in the federation is more gender stuff, 80% violent crime, that one.

Why am I worried? Because it reminds me of 9gag. That's it. I dragged myself out of that hole years ago but I know that smell. I don't know how to explain it.

[–] odd@piefed.blahaj.zone 1 points 3 days ago

i’d highly recommending blocking and muting communities and people engaged in such crap.

for a while i had the lemmy.world instance blocked, let a few comms back on my feed, but that cut out alot of stuff that was bugging me

[–] Maxxie@piefed.blahaj.zone 7 points 4 days ago

Idk I'm simply not seeing the posts you're concerned about

[–] rumschlumpel@feddit.org 17 points 5 days ago

Literally what are you even talking about? I'd remember it if 'straight up “I hate men”' posts were even mildly common here.

[–] gandalf_der_12te@discuss.tchncs.de 10 points 4 days ago (2 children)

Men/Women divide was artificially instigated to us by social media to pitch the people against each other and distract from the big problems, which is wealth inequality. And it worked like a charm.

I think that it is important that people demonstrate that they are responsible, i.e. intelligent enough to do meaningful things, because power is typically assigned to those who make wise use of it.

The fact that people fall for the simplest of distraction schemes does not make them look good. It makes them look like idiots, frankly, in my opinion. What does that mean about the distribution of power? Look at my above sentence.

[–] Tar_alcaran@sh.itjust.works 5 points 4 days ago

Men/Women divide was artificially instigated to us by social media to pitch the people against each other and distract from the big problems,

That particular divide predates social media by a looooot. But you're entirely correct about the rest.

[–] rumschlumpel@feddit.org 1 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

I think that it is important that people demonstrate that they are responsible, i.e. intelligent enough to do meaningful things, because power is typically assigned to those who make wise use of it.

Power is assigned to the wise? That seems rather inconsistent with the general state of things.

[–] pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone 13 points 4 days ago

Can you maybe bring some links to whatever you're complaining about

[–] princessnorah@lemmy.blahaj.zone -2 points 3 days ago

Misandry doesn't exist.

[–] crumbguzzler5000@feddit.org 1 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Yeah, I brought up domestic violence stats in a post about women taking friends with them on first dates, instantly downvoted 😂

The vibes are definitely off recently.

[–] JackbyDev@programming.dev 6 points 4 days ago

The comments section there was wild. The amount of people showing how misogynist they were in response to what was an obviously fake bait post was insane.