Humor, jokes, memes about TTRPGs
Cloak of Levitation, but it just lets you float a foot off the ground without moving.
Hulk Strength, but dumber than Hulk. You smash anything in the area, including your supplies/allies/horse...
Cap of Invisibility, but you can't see anything either.
The "Sword of Instant Regret". It does 100% DMG, but only stabs the wielder.
Magic rope - an animated rope that can be commanded to levitate and tie knots. When placed in any container, pouch or pocket, it immediately gets tangled up and take 1d6 minutes per 5ft of rope to untangle. Other objects in the container also become tangled with the rope, and take 1d6 minutes to remove individually, entangled objects are released immediately when the entire rope is untangled.
Magic rope is unable to be cut by any non-magical item.
Sword of Bludgeoning
+5 impact damage -2 stab damage
Only 10% off, because pommel strikes are op
Flail of Flatulence: deals an additional 1d4 of embarrassment to the target while dealing 1d4 of gas damage to everything within 6 meters.
Scroll of Gorilla Warfare. When used summons 15 gorillas. These gorillas are wild and do not obey orders given by the caster.
Axe with increased crit range (both sides)
Flaming sword (no off switch; do not keep near oil, pa}er, etc.
Shock arrows with electrical damage, stun on crit, compulsion to say some wsgelord shit next time youre talking to a new person each time you use one (non-stacking)
Cold spear, extra bonus damage beyond normal, weather table is always like two steps worse (please get it the fuck out of the city!)
Holy sword-but the sword has incentives to make you act like a cliche of how not to play a paladin
Wand of magic missile (can only target abstractions)
Wand of fireball (two charges per user. Not usable by everyone; made by an angry dramatic kinky trans woman)
Immovable rod (no off switch)
Staff of teleport (fixed targets for each charge, comes with the list. Maybe.)
Tome of stat boost (obnoxious)-comes with compulsions (gym bro[toxic], yoga[toxic], raw milk/crunchiness, quoting Nietzsche or von neumann or something at every opportunity, talking in parables, cringe political opinions)
Bracers of archery, must attempt to do everything with an arrow, thrown knife, or other projectile if even remotely plausible.
Cloak of resistance, resists being worn, being taken off
Magic carpet (ugly)
Magic carpet, slightly funny smelling, totally not from an extraplanar brothel, loses its power for a week if washed.
Glasses of true seeing (also everyone's naked)
Glasses of 'true' seeing (or high tech HUD in a cyberpunk setting), functions as normal, but also projects useful information like phrenology charts, relevant conspiracy theories, the best applicable slurs all in a helpful opaque overlay.
Container of endless water (gross) theres like chunks of algae and stuff, a little silt, definitely at least brackish.
Flagon of endless beer (insultingly cheap, but will still get you drunk. Eventually.) Loojs exactly with, and is magically connected to its twin: flagon of endless actual-cat-piss
boots of haste-functions as normal, but when given the option, you must always choose 'fast' over 'good', cannot delay actions, etc.
A magic sword that can instantly kill anything it touches but it's stuck in it sheath and can't be removed.
That's just a regular YA novel sword
Skull of Corruption: It can do damage, but most of the time to your invaluable backup files.
Invisibility potion that turns your digestive track and stomach contents invisible.
Lembas bread but it's 1000 years past it's due date and you will get diarrhoea equivalent to its food value.
