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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/HeatMother208 on 2025-10-22 03:30:34+00:00.
This happened this morning and I still want to crawl into a hole and stay there.
So I was running late for work, half-awake, rummaging through my purse looking for my ChapStick. My lips were so dry they could start a brushfire. I felt the familiar tube shape, uncapped it, slathered it on generously, and went about my morning commute.
Halfway through the drive, I noticed my lips felt weird, like… numb. I looked at myself in the mirror at a red light and saw that the corners of my mouth looked slightly swollen. That’s when I noticed the faint lettering on the tube in my cup holder: “Preparation H.”
I froze. My partner had been dealing with, uh, personal discomfort last week and apparently left it in my bag after a trip. So yes, I greased my mouth with hemorrhoid cream.
I ended up calling poison control because I panicked (they were very calm about it and told me to wash it off). I’m now the woman who had to tell a stranger, “I accidentally moisturized with butt medicine.”
TL;DR: Mistook hemorrhoid cream for lip balm, my lips went numb, and I had to call poison control for my butt-mouth.