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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/AliceMorgon on 2025-10-23 10:03:16+00:00.
I have a big double bed and I always sleep on the same side. I always have done. But ‘my’ side of the bed is next to the wardrobe, and as I was organising my clothes, it was covered in them. I took one look at them all at midnight when I was exhausted and just went “oh darn, I guess I’ll have to sleep on the other side tonight huh now”, walked around the bed, climbed in, and went to sleep.
My cat Schrödinger has an annoying habit of jumping up on my chest in my sleep from the floor and meowing loudly in my face in the wee small hours. I have no idea why. The only way to dodge him is to sharply roll backwards away from him and hope he lands on the mattress. Usually, it works, and he just settles down next to me and goes to sleep. It’s adorable. But anyway.
I am extremely sleep deprived. I have barely slept for about four days now. It is taking me forever to type this because I keep suddenly starting to write utter nonsense. So when I heard Dodo make his usual “brrrrrrrrr” warble that means he’s about to jump up at me at about 2am, I automatically roll sharply to the left and promptly fall out of bed, arms and legs flailing wildly, straight onto the hardwood floor with a loud enough bang that my downstairs neighbour came running upstairs to check I wasn’t having a seizure. When she saw what had really happened, she almost wet herself laughing.
I have bruises on my ass, my legs, my back, and a whopper of a bump on the back of my head. I cannot comfortably sit down and am going to have to carry a damn cushion around for a day or so as if I have really bad haemorrhoids. Which is exactly what everyone will think.
And then the cat just casually sprawled across my face. Because of course he did.
TL;DR: Switched sides of bed, became confused in middle of night, and fell out of bed when my cat tried to jump on me.