I laid out some of my issues to an LLM yesterday (yeah I know) and I got some pretty good insight as to why I feel like I have to drown boredom with alcohol. I just feel understimulated a lot and when a big part of my day, i.e. my job, is not keeping me busy, I get that extra kick of inertia after dinner, a hole I then just try to fill by having a drink and doing whatever.
Before that drink, I don't feel it's possible to activate myself at all. Ideas about how to spend my time just feel hollow when I think of them, even if they would normally bring me joy. Something I'm really missing is what the LLM called 'micro-connections', just being somewhere and having some sort of interaction with anyone.
But isn't it super depressing that of all those days we have on Earth (of which the total is limited, by the way) we have to escape just sitting out the time? I can't help feeling that every moment should be spent in a meaningful way and when I inevitably come to the conclusion that that's just not possible, I just get paralysed and the only way out seems to numb those feelings, either by drinking or by distractions like video games, sports, bar games, board games, whatever. Just any type of activity as long as it's engaging enough to shut up the thoughts until it's time for bed.
So anyway that's what I'm dealing with, IWNDWYT.