this post was submitted on 18 Jan 2024
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[–] itsgroundhogdayagain@lemmy.ml 58 points 1 year ago

I had to pay the trash company to take an old couch. They sent over a special truck that ate that sofa bed in seconds and all that was left on the road were some wood splinters. That was when I knew how I wanted to be disposed of after I die.

[–] NocturnalMorning@lemmy.world 43 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I've always said to dump me in a ditch somewhere, I'm not gonna care, I'll be dead. If anybody pays for an expensive ass coffin for me, I will come back and haunt their ass.

[–] lobut@lemmy.ca 8 points 1 year ago (3 children)
[–] excitingburp@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

This is basically what I want done, composting and then burial under a redwood sapling. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_composting

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

My plan, if I live old enough to be facing debilitating age-related illness is to organize all my assets to be distributed beforehand, then hike out into the middle of a dense forest where I cant possibly be found, dig a shallow pit to lie in, and die there by whatever means tickles me at the time.

There are no large predators where I live, so Id just be slowly dissected by the ants and the beetles.

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[–] mortrek@lemmy.ml 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

You basically just rephrased multiple scenes with Frank in It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia...

"I mean, I don't give a shit. If I was dead you could bang me all you want. I mean, who cares? A dead body is like a piece of trash. I mean, shove as much shit in there as you want. Fill me up with cream, make a stew out of my ass. What's the big deal? Bang me, eat me, grind me up into little pieces, throw me in the river. Who gives a shit? You're dead, you're dead! Oh shit! Is my mic on?"

or another episode: "When I die, just throw me in the trash!"

Just thought it was funny to find people mirroring Frank Reynolds in real life... although I always pretty much agreed with him. I'm more concerned with how traumatizing it'd be for my family to see me in a ditch, and/or being filled with cream.

[–] Grimy@lemmy.world 32 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Your body is a resource. Don't throw it away or bury it, give it to a gothy craftsman in exchange for half the jewelry made from it going to your family. It literally triples your chances of acquiring haunting privileges.

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[–] presbypenguin@reddthat.com 29 points 1 year ago (2 children)

A reminder to everyone that Costco sells caskets: https://www.costco.com/funeral-caskets.html

And every funeral home legally has to allow you to purchase the casket elsewhere per the FTC: https://consumer.ftc.gov/articles/ftc-funeral-rule (That doc also has a lot of other useful tips in it.)

[–] ImplyingImplications@lemmy.ca 13 points 1 year ago

I was a funeral director. People rarely provide their own caskets even if they have the legal right to. Nobody wants to manage the purchase and delivery of an expensive product right after their loved one has died. Funeral homes will also make it difficult by requiring delivery at certain times, inspection by the purchaser at time of delivery, and requiring the purchaser also get liability insurance on the casket.

[–] Gerudo@lemm.ee 5 points 1 year ago

Nice try Costco. Your casket sales are down and now the guerilla marketing starts.

[–] Semi-Hemi-Demigod@kbin.social 22 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (6 children)

Even knowing the crazy shit that happens when your body is "donated for science" I still want it. It would be neat for some weirdo to have my skull on their shelf, or get dissected in front of an audience.

Now that I think about it, I should sell off my body parts like a Ferengi.

[–] AreaKode@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

Rule of Acquisition #75: Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of latinum.

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[–] gnate@lemmy.world 21 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Air frying is just a convection cremation, you know.

[–] occhionaut@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

also free snacks for the mourning

saves a ton on catering

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[–] BobbyNevada@discuss.tchncs.de 17 points 1 year ago (2 children)

In Edge runners, they were putting people's cremated remains in stainless steel capsule, like a world's worst kinder surprise. That struck me as being very plausible in the future.

[–] Pyr_Pressure@lemmy.ca 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

My plan has always been to get cremated and then just bury my ashes somewhere with a little gravestone. No need for a container or anything, after a few years go ahead and bury someone else's ashes in the same spot and either replace the headstone or figure out a way to stack em. Just have a running tally of names and dates for everyone buried in that plot.

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[–] Bytemeister@lemmy.world 16 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I told my wife that when I die, if she can, claim she doesn't recognize the body so that the state has to dispose of me to save costs.

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[–] EnderMB@lemmy.world 15 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Just fling me into a wood chipper, and point it at the ground in a field somewhere.

Failing that, I've always loved the idea of being strapped to a rocket and launched into space.

If all else fails, I'd like my family to perform a (mostly) shot-for-shot remake of the funeral scene from GoW: Ragnarok.

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[–] MeatPilot@lemmy.world 12 points 1 year ago
[–] Gork@lemm.ee 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I like the idea of having the entire family pool in money to get a single, large, shared funerary urn. Dump my ashes in with my ancestors and give it a good stir.

[–] GlitzyArmrest@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

I too have thought about the family urn. Throw in the pet ashes too!

[–] flashgnash@lemm.ee 10 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Am I the only one that thinks a Viking burial with a raft cobbled together out of logs and stuff by my loved ones would be awesome?

[–] yngmnwntr@lemmy.ml 4 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Burning rafts don't get hot enough to cremate a corpse, it'll just scorch you and dump your body in the lake to wash up on shore and terrify children.

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[–] iAvicenna@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago

For when you need that last extra special grope of capitalism

[–] Thcdenton@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Just shoot me out of a cannon

[–] Anticorp@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago

Fuck yeah! Don't even wait until I'm dead.

[–] Treefox@lemmy.ml 6 points 1 year ago

I've made it very known that I wanna be thrown in to the woods to rot when I die.

[–] Diabolo96@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] msgraves@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 1 year ago (5 children)

oh god that scp keeps me up at night

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[–] AgentGrimstone@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

Put me on the lawn so I can finally fertlize it like I said I would.

[–] Emi621@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 1 year ago

I'm finally going to medical school!

Harvard Medical. As a cadaver. They'll return my ashes to my son when the students are finished hacking my fat ass up for science.

[–] this_1_is_mine@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You just wait to find out how much it cost to make the hole and then to close it. Or to just purchase the little spot of ground that you're going to be buried beneath. Or how about the giant concrete box they have to bury you in to which goes your casket. Or spending $600 on a single splay flowers..... With a bow.

[–] BonesOfTheMoon@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Donate me to science. Have it all. Dissect my woofy for all I care.

[–] M500@lemmy.ml 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

They might just blow you up with bombs or leave you in a field to rot so they can study decomposition.

[–] TheRealKuni@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

Awesome! I love the idea of being part of a corpse farm.

[–] RIP_Cheems@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

In the mighty words of Danny devito, "when I'm dead, just throw me in the trash."

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[–] Honytawk@lemmy.zip 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

First parts are organ donations.

The excess can be used by science.

The excess from that can be burned and thrown somewhere, I don't care.

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[–] _number8_@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

is there a ralph's around here?

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[–] Clarity@c.im 3 points 1 year ago (2 children)

@BonesOfTheMoon Funerals are bourgeoisie BS. $ 700 cremations include a cardboard box

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[–] psycho_driver@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

How big is the biggest rubbermaid tote?

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

A hacksaw and several smaller totes are cheaper.

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[–] FlashZordon@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Just Kobe me into the nearest dumpster/landfill.

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