this post was submitted on 23 Jul 2023
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Technology

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Hi, we're a tech startup run by libertarian Silicon Valley tech bros.

We're not a newspaper, we're a content portal.
We're not a taxi service, we're a ride sharing app.
We're not a pay TV service, we're a streaming platform.
We're not a department store, we're an e-commerce marketplace.
We're not a financial services firm, we're crypto.
We're not a space agency, we're a group of visionaries who are totally going to Mars next year.
We're not a copywriting and graphic design agency, we're a large language model generative AI platform.

Oh sure, we compete against those established businesses. We basically provide the same goods and services.

But we're totally not those things. At least from a legal and PR standpoint.

And that means all the laws and regulations that have built up over the decades around those industries don't apply to us.

Things like consumer protections, privacy protections, minimum wage laws, local content requirements, safety regulations, environmental protections... They totally don't apply to us.

Even copyright laws — as long as we're talking about everyone else's intellectual property.

We're going to move fast and break things — and then externalise the costs of the things we break.

We've also raised several billion in VC funding, and we'll sell our products below cost — even give them away for free for a time — until we run our competition out of the market.

Once we have a near monopoly, we'll enshitify the hell out of our service and jack up prices.

You won't believe what you agreed to in our terms of service agreement.

We may also be secretly hoarding your personal information. We know who you are, we know where you work, we know where you live. But you can trust us.

By the time the regulators and the general public catch on to what we're doing, we will have well and truly moved on to our next grift.

By the way, don't forget to check out our latest innovation. It's the Uber of toothpaste!

#startup #business #tech #technology @technology

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Wow. You just somehow accurately summed up the modern day result of late stage capitalism in one post. Nicely done

[–] Dubious_Fart@lemmy.ml 80 points 2 years ago (1 children)

It took longer than I care to admit to realize this was satire.

Which says something about the world and life.

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[–] XPost3000@lemmy.ml 49 points 2 years ago

Yooo Mastodon post on Lemmy let's goooo

[–] david_megginson@mstdn.ca 43 points 2 years ago (11 children)

@ajsadauskas @technology The one thing I don't sympathise with in that list is the taxi services — at least here in #Ottawa, they were even more exploitative than Uber or Lyft, with a small number of plate holders acting as feudal lords for the drivers, and extracting rent from their vassals even on a bad shift with few fares.

The city could have fixed that by issuing more plates, but the plate-owner lobby was too powerful.

[–] oce@jlai.lu 12 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

It's not all black or white, those startups brought some good things like breaking highly profitable monopolies and creating well designed apps that provide a much better service which ended up being picked up by the former monopolies, overall the quality of service often improved and we sometimes have more choice now, like picking the less human exploiting alternative that still has a usable app.

[–] hawkwind@lemmy.management 7 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

Ah yes, the “local taxi lobby.” Uber helped show a lot of us what a fucking joke that is, not just in Ottawa.

Innovation, choice, quality and freedom are the choice spices for capitalism soup. These shit-cook-legislators kept sprinkling in taint like protectionism, cronyism, extortion and corruption thinking nobody would notice. Well guess what? Now it’s just taint soup.

Why does it matter who’s serving you taint soup? The problem is there’s no other soup and they keep telling you it’s fine.

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[–] CannaVet@lemmy.world 37 points 2 years ago (1 children)

"Michael was driving a car from a company that shows every private residence in the country. But it's also a company that won't let us show the car that takes those pictures. In fairness to them, it is their property. If you want to know what the company is, all you have to do is 'something' it."

  • Arrested Development Narrator
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[–] magela@mstdn.games 32 points 2 years ago

@ajsadauskas @technology "enshitify" is my new favorite word.

[–] wtebbens@social.publicspaces.net 28 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Thanks, @ajsadauskas, for summarising extractivist platform capitalism strategies. The patterns are so clear that mainstreet is getting aware these days. At least partially. Time to rebuild the economy and the internet with collective & public interest first.

@technology

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[–] 14mission@sfba.social 25 points 2 years ago (4 children)

@ajsadauskas @technology One factual point I'm not clear on--how exactly are Lyft/Uber getting away with operating unlicensed taxi services? Are they just ignoring the law but getting away with it because city governments are tech-enthralled? (But could, theoretically, bust every uber driver for operating a taxi without a license)? Or do they actually have some legal basis for not needing medallions?

[–] jrs100000@lemmy.world 6 points 2 years ago

It totally depends of the jurisdiction. In some parts of the world calling up a ride sharing app with get you a totally normal taxi at normal metered taxi rates. In other parts of the world its pretty much they do it and nobody can stop them. A private citizen can pick up anyone they want and the laws all assumed that a taxi would have to find passengers and handle money in person. By the time politicians get around to doing anything about it they've already taken over the market and voters would take it personally if they had to go back to regular cabs.

[–] Aceticon@lemmy.world 5 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

Because people don't hail them on the street when they're passing, they're not legally a taxi service.

So they don't need medalions, cab licenses or whatever the system is in that country and, more importantly, don't need to obbey the rules for taxi services both for the vehicle (most noteable the rules about the colors of the vehicle and in some countries even the kind of vehicle itself), clear transparent predictable upfront pricing, and for the actual cabbies (for example, in London they don't need to have "The Knowledge" - which is basically having memorized all the streets - which cabbies do have to have before they get a license or obbey any of the other legal requirements for licensing of the actual drivers that cabbies have) so operation is much cheaper.

From what I've seen they're generally operating under the local legislation of "rental driver cars" (i.e. cars rented with a driver) and the arrangement of getting, for example a Uber via their app, is treated in legal terms as a booking not as a hailing, even though it is pretty close in de facto terms to hailing a cab.

It took a decade for states to catch up on this loophole into providing the same service as a taxi services whilst not legally being one (as they're not hailed, they're "hired") made possible by smartphone technology, and by the time they did Uber and similar were so big that most (like Portugal, as mentioned by somebody else) just made those low-regulation quasi-cab services legal without converging the regulations for taxis with theirs (i.e. they simply legalized the competitive advantages that services like Uber got by finding a loophole in the law), and said legalizing of the much (much, MUCH) lower regulatory requirements on them whilst kepting taxi services high-regulation, maintained the uneven market playing field that had allowed the explosive growth of Uber and its ilk.

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[–] Lemmylefty@lemmy.world 24 points 2 years ago (2 children)

“It’s all on the blockchain now, so it’s not even us who’s doing it.

What are you gonna do, arrest me and these 7,000 graphics cards?”

[–] nyan@lemmy.cafe 8 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

Well, I'm not sure about arresting a bunch of graphics cards, but under American civil forfeiture laws, they could be sued, sort of. "United States vs. Approximately 7000 Computer Graphics Cards" has a certain ring to it.

[–] Lemmylefty@lemmy.world 9 points 2 years ago (1 children)

You just gotta put very tiny handcuffs on the fan blades.

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[–] cupcakezealot@lemmy.blahaj.zone 22 points 2 years ago

Had us in the first half not gonna lie

[–] Blue_Jersey@fosstodon.org 22 points 2 years ago (1 children)

@ajsadauskas @technology

We are not just a startup. We are a mix of dreams, passions, and a ton of passionate slogans.

[–] vd1n@lemmy.ml 12 points 2 years ago

When we aren't drinking craft beer...

[–] pigup@lemmy.world 22 points 2 years ago (2 children)
[–] PipedLinkBot@feddit.rocks 6 points 2 years ago

Here is an alternative Piped link(s): https://piped.video/shorts/l1xNBrg2aKc

Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.

I'm open-source, check me out at GitHub.

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[–] neo@lemmy.comfysnug.space 20 points 2 years ago

I hate how accurate this is.

[–] ordrad@lor.sh 20 points 2 years ago (1 children)

@ajsadauskas @technology
And we'll change our TOS and user agreement to our advantage whenever we feel like it but won't tell you what changed or why or how it'll effect you. But legally we told you so f*ck off if you have a problem with that.

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[–] arctic@im-in.space 19 points 2 years ago (2 children)

@ajsadauskas @technology don’t forget the fact that a good amount never turn a profit

[–] PeleSpirit@lemmy.world 26 points 2 years ago

Turning a profit and making a lot of money for yourself are 2 different things.

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[–] shoq@mastodon.social 19 points 2 years ago

@ajsadauskas @technology

This could be one of the more important social media posts of all time. And not one in 100,000 people will have enough information to appreciate a single word of it.

Source: @ajsadauskas
https://mastodon.social/@ajsadauskas@aus.social/110762848575512188

[–] cousinofjah@beehaw.org 16 points 2 years ago

Wish I could upvote this 1000 times.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.ml 15 points 2 years ago

You left out, "once we get the IPO, we're fucking right off with our billions."

[–] dragonsidedd@sciencemastodon.com 14 points 2 years ago

@ajsadauskas @technology
> By the time the regulators and the general public catch on to what we're doing, we will have well and truly moved on to our next grift

Fortunately, sometimes the grifters get justice served

https://decrypt.co/148288/lbry-token-plummets-file-sharing-crypto-project-shuts-down

[–] dream_machine@lemmy.dbzer0.com 13 points 2 years ago

These services are interfaces for interacting with data that YOU create

[–] Default_Defect@lemmy.world 13 points 2 years ago

Sounds great! Please take all of my savings, my kids' college fund, and the money from mortgaging my house. I'm sure you'll put it to good use and I'll get any sort of return at all.

[–] gcvsa@mstdn.plus 11 points 2 years ago (3 children)

@ajsadauskas @technology These guys are not "libertarians", at all. They are, in fact, the antithesis of libertarian. They are authoritarians who believe in liberty only for themselves.

[–] GarlicBender@lemmy.ml 7 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Seems like a fair description of many who would call themselves "libertarian", even if not the going definition.

[–] TheActualDevil@sffa.community 6 points 2 years ago

Every libertarian thinks every other libertarian isn't really because they don't subscribe to every set of their specific beliefs.

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[–] redcalcium@c.calciumlabs.com 10 points 2 years ago

Investors: shut up and take my money!

[–] pseudonym@mastodon.online 9 points 2 years ago

@ajsadauskas @technology

Torment Nexus (tm) now with an extensive library of add-on modules.

Installing "Uber of toothpaste"

[–] thistimeforsure@aus.social 7 points 2 years ago

@ajsadauskas @technology We're not an utter vaporware scam, we're an investment opportunity!

[–] sergiodomeyko@mastodon.online 6 points 2 years ago

@ajsadauskas @technology congratulations on this great post! I am now a follower of yours! Enjoy your Sunday/Monday! #mastodon

[–] atwerp@feddit.nl 5 points 2 years ago

This sounds just like every startup's pitch to venture capital firms :)

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