Because the birds sculpted the air with their song —
I sent that flash across the sea. Candle in a paper lantern,
the flame rose and dipped.
I’ve been hiding from my father.
Fog-damp pall over the city. I ink this bruise onto paper.
Years ago, in Highland Park, we’d picnic in the backyard.
We slept in the living room. I clung to my beautiful mother.
Flipped the pillow and pressed against its coolness.
I held grudges like tiny fists of sand, then, let go.
I kissed the fog and sky and the ocean’s cobalt hue.
You. I hadn’t yet met you.
Murky alphabet —
I falter the letter, I elide the gaps. If the opalescent dew meant anything,
it meant that one day I’d be lifted above my feelings.
You’d become less than a feeling, the way every lover I’ve known
no longer hurts me. Those old charges detonated.
Here and now, I make room for joy. Birds ribbon the air with their singing.
Bird voices riot up. The planes with their hulking engines —
they fly too. The jags of each cliff head — Your lips — I uninterrupt.
I charley horse and miracle ride your absence. The whipped froth of the ocean.
Puddle of salt water, shivering wound. Seaweed, we sing of losses.
Cold under this blanket, I wait for my alarm to sing.
I’ve polished this anger and now it’s a knife. I’m hardened as a hunter ornamenting his cave
with the bones of the dead. I’m so sick of history dragging behind me.
Today, I don’t want to be sad. But my father has retreated into silence and the lashes
across his back have not healed, and my mother tells me he could have killed
himself that night and we’d be blamed. Call the police, she said.
We stood barefoot on the street, listening to him throw things
against the garage walls, detonations of only what we could imagine.
I hurl stones into the ether. I wash my hands in ink.
The lost in the fog body borne of matter, history-less, untethered.
Better to be alive and bewildered. At least I can name the thing.
To love my father is to love his wounds.
In times like these, we present our hurts like old toys we polish up
to show each other who we used to be.
I will be real with you here Spider - if you follow anything objectionable up stream you'll always end up with a handful of ethically and morally bankrupt capitalists. My emphatic "fuck Spez" isn't just groupthink on this occasion. I appreciate that CEO is a job, and ultimately there's a level of corporate responsibility - but Spez lied to us, ignored us (the AmA was laughably bad, answered 6 comments disingenuously and then dipped), attempted to defame or gaslight 3rd party Devs, violated data protection laws to preserve the sinking ship and has directed the entire company to basically dig in and starve us out. Users are the only thing bringing value to the platform - and this change is only harming the most productive users.
He might have the faith of the greed council backing his idiotic decision - but they weren't the ones pissing off of the top diving board into our swimming pool.
He could have stood with us, we could have had transparent communication and even if we didn't get compromise we could have had at least a conversation about why this is happening. but instead of any good faith engagement he decided to tell a bunch of transparent lies and throw a tantrum and then change the rules of moderation to reduce our power to fight for what we wanted.
Fuck Spez specifically for these reasons.
Fuck capitalism for everything else.