HexaSnoot

The word is in entertainment a lot. Outside the context of slavery, it still triggers me. For example, I'm watching a show called Gyeongseong Creature, and characters keep saying "Master Jang." (A protagonist.) He's an ultra rich guy who owns a pawn shop. He's constantly acknowledged as if he's an authority figure. I don't have enough context about Korean culture to understand when and why people get the label "Master." It just sucks to hear.

It would help if hearing "master" and observing severe sucking up didn't feel so visceral.

He made the Birds Nest Olympic stadium in Beijing so he'll be brought up forever.

I was introduced to his work as a kid and people seem to always mention him and his work just to say "China bad." Everytime I try to listen to why it just sounds like grey unlistenable sludge. Partially because I don't know much about history in general so I don't know what the mentioned parts of Chinese history are about. My final reason to give up is because I know much/all of what I hear is probably whitewashed propaganda. If he indeed has good criticism, I don't trust Western media to not twist his words out of their original meaning.

My perfectionism is disabling. I ban myself from doing anything I don't feel like I'll do perfect at. I barely do things I love and don't know my interests well. I love people and mingling, but I grew up selectively mute until highschool and to this day I have a hard time being direct. I overthink all texts. I used to type one sentence for hours and not send anything. My humor is very underdeveloped because I don't risk bombing jokes. There's so much I won't do unless someone is there encouraging me and enthusiastically approving of what I'm doing. I have severely low self esteem because of my level of perfectionism. I just want to hang out and chill with people and have interests that I act on.

Btw, what do you do when you need to do something you love, fast?

Like in a dehumanizing manner. I want to go by it/they/them but I'm scared I won't be able to handle it if someone does that.

I prefer giving to a mutual aid resource, but other kinds of answers are fine.

I know goodwill is shitty, I won't give to them.

It would be deeply triggering to see him and he is extremely manipulative, plus he has friends that attend the scene. Some of them were doing meth last I saw them over ten years ago.

If I make friends, they could easily link back to him through themselves or multiple people. I seriously cannot tolerate that. I don't want him knowing anything about me and my life.

Do you think I can manage being part of a small scene with these conditions?

I think hexbear has them. Is it a connection thing where cookies spot other cookies? Do tracking cookies matter when it comes to insurance and therapy sites/apps? I'm thinking about therapy that I saw advertised on YouTube, and I bet they're somehow sketchy. And their app requires the use of third party tracking and cookies.

I just don't want these sites/apps to see I'm a communist.

Tips to make friends without spending money are welcome. I've spent years in a city without making friends.

Luckily even though I'm a minority in America, I'm not a minority in my city. :) It's filled with people of my ethnicity. So I have more opportunities to be closer with my people, and I want do the right things to get there.

Btw they don't have to be my ethnicity. Just wanna make friends to begin with. My dream is to meet cool communists around here. It's a minority city, and I figure I can't be the only one.

I'm curious how that could work. That peaks my interest because I've known people who have autism and seem great at socializing. I don't have autism, but I'm very socially awkward, and if autistic people can do that I find it inspirational for my own socializing journey.

A podcaster on Radio Free Totebag casually said it, and idk if it was just as a passing joke, or if they were speaking factually. They mentioned a therapist not liking that they still say they're autistic when it's an old diagnosis.

I'm more exposed to American conservatism. And even here I barely understand it. I used to be Christian, but I left the religion before I realized I was bi, and before I knew genderfluidity and trans people existed.

I guess I'd have to know why individual religious groups, countries, cities,(etc...) have anti-LGBTQ beliefs. Maybe there are no blanket statements that properly address it for the entire world.

Worked a lot as a child and barely played. Missed out on lots of personality development. I have more free time now and I want to play, but I don't totally understand how.

I was told when I have something fun to do, learn to fail the marshmallow test and just immediately eat the marshmallow. I feel paralyzed. I'm used to playing only if I'm invited by someone else to play, and I want to play more when I'm alone.

So far I sometimes draw and read a fun book. Both usually make me anxious, but they bring me feelings of accomplishment.