NailBunny

If you've been doing personal research, relating heavily to it, and questioning this ad nauseam, the odds are in favor of some level of neurodivergence. What you want to do with that information is up to you, though. I personally think one of the best things you can do at this point is to speak with autistic people and learn about their own experiences and difficulties. Maybe with more perspective the next step will become apparent to you. If this is something you want to have a deeper conversation about, you can DM me any time. If you're not comfortable with doing so there are plenty of autism-centered communities floating around that should be more than willing to answer questions and provide their own accounts.

A very wide variety of traits, but most of the key diagnostic criteria according to the DSM-5 are related to social difficulties. Talking too much and not realizing, talking too little and not realizing, not understanding the flow of conversation to the point where you don't know when it's okay to speak, struggling with small talk, constantly feeling like people misunderstand your words, speaking very bluntly without understanding the impact of your words, the list goes on...

Individuals with ASD might also tend to stim (repetitive motions intended to stimulate the nervous system, things like rocking in place, or bouncing your leg...) more than allistics and in ways that are less socially acceptable. Repetitive thought cycles, a tendency toward routines, and discomfort, when they are broken, are also common. I could keep writing for a very long time because the way neurodivergence expresses itself across different parties can look very different. I haven't even touched on sensory issues, or digestive issues... I think your own independent research on this matter is most important; if you feel like you relate a lot to the experiences of other autistic people and you relate to a decent portion (not all) of the traits commonly associated with ASD, there is a decent possibility you're autistic. As an aside, try not to compare yourself too strongly with the details of any particular autistic individual's experience. It's highly unlikely you will relate to them on every level. Lower support needs autistic people can often learn to mask their autistic behaviors without even realizing it, and just because you don't immediately relate to a particular behavior doesn't mean one of you isn't masking it. Some people relate to all the social deficits but don't overtly do things like stim. It's all relative.

As for telling if it's just introversion, it can be difficult to tell when you're examining yourself. Do you often struggle to find things to say to the people around you? Do you feel like you have to make a conscious effort to navigate through basic conversations that other people seem to navigate with ease? Has anyone ever been put off by you, and you couldn't understand why? Have you ever been told you're blunt or hurt someone's feelings and been surprised by it? Conversely, do you consciously make yourself as small as possible in social settings and have trouble saying no or expressing differences to the people around you because you don't want to upset them? Ask yourself if you really just have a small social battery or if socialization for you is a barrier that expends far more energy for you than it seems to expend for the others around you. I used to think my social anxiety was the cause of all my social woes, and a big factor in realizing I was autistic was coming to understand I still struggled with every aspect of socialization even when I wasn't shy. I write scripts in my head for calls, and have to brace myself and think of how to greet people before we meet. I am just constantly overthinking the minutiae of social interaction because it does not come intuitively to me.

As for a reason to seek a diagnosis as an adult... in my opinion, no. Assessments at this point in time are expensive and incredibly unreliable. There's too much to say on that topic to really do it justice, but it's a difficult journey pursuing a diagnosis, and at the very end of it, you'll probably still be uncertain. Self-diagnosis is perfectly valid, you as a person are the best at understanding and assessing your own experiences, and until formal assessments become more reliable I think you have far more authority with some research in diagnosing yourself than any other schmuck can. That said, the accommodations you may be able to receive from your employer might be worth the fight, but disclosing your disability can also have a negative impact. You'll have to ask yourself this question and weigh the pros and cons.

There are 8 varieties of gluons, the subatomic particles that exchange the strong force between quarks. The person answered with one word that more or less satisfied the 8 particle requirement. I think that's the joke, at least

Yes, I'm transfem. I huff E recreationally just to feel something

I don't know if the last two blocks of text were an edit or I somehow missed them, but you're right. I've done it before, my main fear is the possibility of her turning it around on me or prolonging the fight, but walking away is something I absolutely should exercise my right to do more. As for the last bit, Ive noticed she is a lot nicer to me in front of our friends, but she tends to justify it by saying its natural that she doesnt want to fight in front of our friends. Sometimes, I wish we would so we could get it out in a space where she can't go full throttle on me

I really do think she is capable of being incredibly patient and sweet. I don't say this to try to diminish her behavior at this point, I guess, but more to highlight how far she really swings. Regardless, I know deep down you're right that the 95% doesn't excuse the 5%. I guess at this stage, I have to work on dealing with the fact that I love her and don't want to hurt her by leaving. I know I probably should, but that feels very difficult to do at the moment. I feel like couples therapy would probably go pretty poorly... I tend to be a bit quiet and reserved, and she is a force of charisma and very talkative. I can imagine therapy turning into a nightmare of its own, but it's something to think about. Thank you for giving your thoughts, I really appreciate it <3

I know you are right, and it's advice I've probably given to others in similar situations. I hold onto some hope that things don't have to be this way, but also constantly reckon with the realization that I don't imagine things getting better. I really love her and don't want to lose her, but maybe that's something I have to accept for my own sake. Thanks again <3

Thank you so much for the reply. I wasn't aware of the concept of splitting, but this does resonate with her behavior. Sometimes, she talks to me like I'm her hero, like I'm always there for her when she needs me, tells me I'm the perfect partner, and deserve so much better than her. She will tell me I'm selfless, empathic, and too giving. In the next hour, she can be listing off through gritted teeth all the ways I've failed her, that I'm always selfish, immature, too occupied with myself, and devoid of empathy. I always feel like I'm walking on eggshells around her and over the years I find myself becoming so exhausted just speaking to her, even on a good day, when previously she was a place of comfort for me. It kills me that I even feel the way I do when I still absolutely love her to death. I'm really sorry you've dealt with something similar before, I know how exhausting it can be, and I really hope you're in a better position now. I guess it's just kind of hard to give myself permission to not support her when that's one of the main things she criticizes me about when something goes wrong. Either way, this is really useful perspective, and as much as I hate to hear you've dealt with it as well it makes me feel a little less alone. Thank you so much for your reply

First of all, I want to sincerely thank you for reading this, I know it must have been a lot. I wouldn't normally write this kind of thing because I don't feel this kind of post can ever paint a totally accurate picture, but some of this stuff has left me feeling crazy and I desperately wanted some outside perspective. In the past, when I've brought this up to friends, they also mirrored a few of your sentiments. I told myself that it probably wasn't abuse because sometimes things felt really great. As you say, I do feel like she doesn't respect me when she is angry, but I always question in those circumstances whether I deserve respect at that moment. I don't know how often these kinds of situations have to happen before it's an issue, but I don't really feel like it's something I can talk with her about. She tends to take it very poorly if I try and mention something she has said has hurt me. Regardless, you've given me something to think about. Thank you again for bothering to comment, I really appreciate it.

I absolutely love classic roguelikes. I didn't love ADOM despite playing it a fair amount, but I do love DCSS, Caves of Qud, Cogmind, Cataclysm, and quite a few more, albeit to a lesser degree. I love games that demand you learn their systems inside and out to even have a chance at winning. I love the sense of stakes that roguelikes create and the experiences that emerge from the fear of losing everything. I also generally tend to be quite critical of heavy RNG elements in roguelikes and I fucking hate deckbuilder games in general, but I like having to measure and mitigate the risk of unexpected and unfavorable situations on the fly and come up with impromptu solutions to interesting problems. Loss is expected, and while you can learn from loss, sometimes you're left feeling like the cards just weren't in your favour, and I think that's something that a lot of people who play these kinds of games just come to accept. A lot of people see it as senseless masochism, but in my experience with the games I've listed above, losing can genuinely be fun. There is a sense of loss, but these games to me are also in part story generators. I've had many experiences in all of them that I remember very fondly, and a lot of those stories end with loss.

My particular fixation with them might be because of autism though. I have well over a thousand hours in several (probably multiple thousand in Cata) and tend to come back to them for comfort, so I probably just really like bad games

The best course of action is just to tell your doctor you made a mistake with your last injection and how much you injected. The solution might be as simple as moving your test back a week, but its essential they have an accurate picture of what's going on anyways

Oh, I'm sure we were in the minority, I just thought it was amusing enough to bring up. My group did experience quite a few bugs but not much I would call major.