Sasha

joined 1 year ago
[–] Sasha@lemmy.blahaj.zone 15 points 1 day ago

Wide angle lense go brrrrr

 

This is Max, my brother's greyhound (hey bro if you're reading this). He was keeping me company today while I took some time to relax and recover from recent traumatic stuff, he's the goodest boy like that.

Not pictured are the two miniature poms who cuddled with me today as well.

[–] Sasha@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 3 days ago

I'm just being silly, but I mean that if everything can be represented as a matrix then there's a point of view where things like complex numbers are just "names" of specific matrices and the rules that apply to those "names" are just derived from the relevant matrix operations.

Essentially I'm saying that the normal form is an abstract short hand notation of the matrix representation. The matrices are of course significantly harder and more confusing to work with, but in some cases the richness of that structure is very beautiful and insightful.

(I'm particularly in love with the fact one can derive spinors and their transforms purely from the spacetime/Lorentz transforms. It's a really satisfying exercise and it's some beautiful algebra/group theory.)

[–] Sasha@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Matrix representations in general, if that counts?

Complex numbers, polynomials, the derivative operator, spinors etc. they're all matrices. Numbers are just shorthand labels for certain classes of matrices, fight me.

[–] Sasha@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 4 days ago

👎

It's been an absolutely terrible week, I wish I'd worked out what was happening sooner so I didn't have to face this alone.

[–] Sasha@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 4 days ago (1 children)

That sounds like it was such a hard journey, I'm proud of you for stepping up and taking responsibility for yourself. I definitely understand feeling cursed, I've had plenty of nights crying wondering who was controlling me and ruining my life, it's so hard.

I've only once ended up with really intense feelings for someone I wasn't seeing, and it was pretty rough. I never told them but we're very close friends now, I'm really glad it worked out, I don't know what I'd do if I'd been this bad back then.

HRT has definitely felt like I'm redoing my teenage years, everything's brand new and I've no idea how to do so many things anymore. I feel like all the memories of life before HRT belong to someone else, it's such a bizarre experience and nothing ever prepared me for this.

Thank you for your story, that's very brave of you to share and it helped me a little.

[–] Sasha@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 4 days ago

Oh thanks, that's a useful insight I didn't know that about ADHD. I'd read a little saying treating ADHD could relieve BPD but that doesn't seem to be the case for me haha.

Yeah the AuDHD trans thing is painfully real, it's me to a T. It's been really nice having an emotional range that I hadn't felt since before puberty, but it's also a big challenge to learn to live this way and to feel so much more vulnerable and fragile.

Thank you for sharing your story, I really appreciate it.

[–] Sasha@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 4 days ago

I'm so sorry, the political landscape is absurdly difficult for so many of us right now, we're all thinking of you down here.

Thank you for sharing and I'm sorry that you're having such a tough time.

[–] Sasha@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 5 days ago

Thanks again, I really appreciate it. I've been pretty lucky and my old psychologist had space for another client so I get to resume with someone I already trust and who was there to help me through all my previous relationship trauma. I'm in good hands.

I'll absolutely be completely honest, I've no real reason to hide anything anyway, I'm pretty dedicated to being happy.

[–] Sasha@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (2 children)

Oh I'm booked in with my old therapist as of today, we'll be starting soon. Thanks for the concern, I'll be staying with family for a while so I'll be okay.

And btw hrt has still given me mostly very positive mental changes, as fucked as this has been I don't regret starting one bit.

[–] Sasha@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 points 5 days ago (4 children)

When I first started hrt things were more or less totally fine, I was thriving honestly, good times. But then shit started slipping away, I could barely keep up at work and didn't have enough executive function to relax in any way. I lived like that for a bit over a year, eventually after a long search I got an ADHD diagnosis and started meds, so things have been a lot better. It was definitely a wake up call that mentally stuff was changing a lot more than I'd anticipated.

The suspected BPD is new. I've had shitty relationships and stuff in the past, I've exhibited a lot of behaviour that I'm now able to manage completely fine thanks to a decent bit of therapy, until recently. It seems I've got a very specific trigger, I was mostly able to keep things under control for a long time, but I didn't get to see my partner for an extended time because he was sick and I couldn't visit for entirely valid reasons. I stayed a night in an ER under observation, came out feeling better for a bit and started trying to fix myself up. It worked for a while, I was doing a lot better and improving my life, but then there was a perfect storm and it pushed me to a point where I couldn't recognise that I was making really bad decisions, nothing I've ever experienced before. I've no idea how to cope with fucking up so badly, I've just lost someone that meant a lot to me and now I'm alone and can't stop my brain. This is totally new, I've never ended a relationship while still in love, I've never had any fear of abandonment this strong and I've never idolised someone to this point. I've no clue if it's from the hrt, purely trauma or something else like the ADHD meds or just stress.

It sucks.

15
HRT and Mental Health (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) by Sasha@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/trans@lemmy.blahaj.zone
 

I was meant to record a segment for a radio program to discuss some of the unique implications that being trans can have for your mental health. We'd decided to talk a bit about how I'd ended up getting an ADHD diagnosis as a result of starting feminizing hormones, they'd made it significantly worse and I was struggling to keep up with daily life.

Now I've ended up having to put that recording off for a while because I was struggling with some pretty severe depression, but it seems like this is probably borderline personality disorder. I saw a few Reddit posts where some said they'd had noticed theirs get worse after starting hrt and I'm wondering if anyone here has experienced anything like this, or knows about research into it?

Could be any disorder or condition, it's all good to know about as there doesn't seem to be that much info out there beyond people's experiences, it could help others to hear yours. (I'll add mine to the comments)

I won't share any details on that program beyond what I get your consent for or anything reasonably vague such as "I spoke to x other people who've had similar experiences."

[–] Sasha@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Ah ya beat me to it! I almost shouted "that's a D class!"

[–] Sasha@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 1 week ago

Yeah that's it lol, I like feeding people.

It's not really the reason, but she was at least part of what drew me to it, and it's really funny tbh

 

This article is from before the actions happened, I'm sharing this one because it's well written and touches on the points we consider most important: intersectionality and solidarity. Also we forgot to plan a post action media release for my city and got absolutely no media attention after the fact oops (except for community radio ♥️♥️♥️3CR❤️❤️❤️).

It's worth noting that this approach was so overwhelmingly successful that the rally in my city ended up being several times larger than anything we'd anticipated, 3000+ attendees at the peak. If you're looking at organising a radical campaign like this, use your contacts and ask your allies to mobilise, it's incredibly powerful stuff and builds power for their movements as well.

The discussion on mainstream queer activism being inadequate and toxic is very important and worth understanding in detail. You can't build a lasting movement or obtain liberation by throwing minorities under the bus and capitulating to oppressive patriarchal norms that reinforce harmful stereotypes and gender roles.

We've experienced this first hand. The day after the rally, an NGO announced their own action appropriating the name we chose and on the same day as a rally for refugees. They silenced all critiques, spat in the face of what we stood for and even claimed they organised one of the rallies in another city. They also have history of silencing the voices and efforts of trans people (especially from other marginalised groups) while platforming the politicians who pass legislation to suppress and erase us. It's been absolutely awful to deal with, but you cannot be complicit in it.

 

If you're able to make it to the State Library on the 31st, please come and show your support. There are a lot of awful things happening to trans people and it's time we demand protection, the right to gender affirming care and an end to pink washing.

The 31st is the trans day of visibility, but we are now very visible and without protection that visibility is violence. We are done asking to be seen, we now demand to be safe.

(Mods pls remove if not allowed, I checked the guidelines and couldn't find anything disallowing it)

 

32
submitted 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) by Sasha@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/buyitforlife@slrpnk.net
 

I basically listen to music constantly, and when I'm on holiday or riding my bike I generally use USB-C earbuds. I've had way too many wireless buds break and I'm sick of them, but these aren't fairing much better tbh.

Problem is that the cables always eventually stop working, often from my phone being in my pocket while I'm walking or cycling. I've been able to partly extend their life by keeping my phone in the thigh pocket on my cargo pants but it often just falls over and bends the cable more sharply than my hip pocket.

I'm looking for either a pair of highly durable earbuds either USB-C or 3.5mm with a USB-C DAC recommendation, or even better a DSP cable that I could use with IEMs with a 0.78mm connector.

I'm also open to any other suggestions at all.

269
Arrested for disobeying rule (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) by Sasha@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/196@lemmy.blahaj.zone
 

Yep, I got arrested trying to block a coal ship in the world's largest coal port and I'm proud as fuck, give all your love to the protest organisers. I've talked about it a ton over in this thread (and a few others in similar communities). I was joined by a handful of other people, including a student doctor who is in this photo but hard to see, she's on my right in the shade. She's so damn brave and a huge inspiration.

This took place at the People's Blockade, an annual "protestival" organised by a group called Rising Tide.

I'm the (misgendered 😡) 27 year old in this article.

170 people then set a new record for the largest civil disobedience action in Australian history the following day, they're all incredibly brave people who have had enough.

We fought the government in court and won the right to protest against the fossil fuel corporations who are burning our children's futures. We also fight to secure the future jobs of the workers in these industries, demanding a 78% tax on current fossil fuel projects to help them in the transition to a renewable future.

It's been a long few days, I've just arrived home about half an hour ago. Goodnight.

55
Eupho Rule (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
 

I was in an antique store and I found the anime section

113
Mandorule (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
 

Bought a mandolin today and I can't put it down, I can't wait to write tons of pretty songs :3

12
Deleted (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 11 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) by Sasha@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone
 

Deleted

 

Big Thief - Mary

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