bustrouffi

I'm so sorry to hear all that... You are dealing with a fuck ton of pressure! Not surprised you want to get rid of all this and sort it out.

I completely understand about the fear of the passage of time and I feel very aware of my mortality so I really get what you're saying. I just tried to spend my time as best I can and part of that is earning a wage so that I can at least buy the things I want to do on my time off or not have to worry about the basics (food, bills, housing, meds)

All I can advise is just keep trying to look after the basics - it makes the bad stuff easier and that effect will stack and then it becomes easier.

I always say weed can be really helpful because it makes you forget the stressful things in your life but the problem is then you don't address the stressful things in your life, which keeps you in limbo, if you know what I mean.

Going back after being off work succkkkkkssss. I've always found it so embarrassing weird and awkward. Are you able to at least not stay at work on your lunch break or whatever, just get out and go for a walk to get some space?

Sorry if you have shitty working conditions and what I'm describing isn't even possible! If you can't go for a walk can you find somewhere quiet to just hideout? I used to go and lie on the floor in the prayer room to decompress at work cuz no one ever prayed in there 👍😁

The future is scary and confusing. I'm still pretty scared about my future too but I just keep trying to do my best and put one foot in front of the other, moving towards things that will help me and not make my life harder.

Don't worry about being pessimistic. "Good vibes only" it's such a toxic approach - I prefer neutrality for things that I find a bit emotionally overwhelming... Just describing and identifying what I need to do about it, not worrying about if I see it as good or bad.

I hope you find your career! I love working in education and it probably brings me more happiness than anything. Do you know if you want to work with people, things, ideas or something else?

I felt like a real adult at 27.... I can't quite explain what it was but I had a distinct feeling of like "oh I'm really like getting used to this life thing now, this is it, this is what you do". I went back to uni so I was still at uni then for what it's worth.

I think growing up and being an adult is about truly understanding that you are actually responsible for yourself, for your impact on the world, and for your community. It's so easy to make excuses and let yourself off the hook for your shitty behaviour and generally want to pretend that you're a child again.

An adult holds themselves accountable for what they do and understands that they and only they are responsible for what they do. And off the back of that, your duty towards yourself and others.

I firmly don't agree that growing up means you find everything really boring. That's being stuck in a rut (maybe). I think sometimes going through the motions of " being a responsible adult" (and of course the eviscerating consequences of capitalism) can lead you into "bed>travel>work>travel>slump>bed>travel>work>travel>slump etc" which kind of creates a rut.

Finally big changes where I felt very different in my life...? I'm now 42. Something that I can't explain distinctly happened at 40. It was two sided.

My self-esteem strengthened in a really nice way where I was like hang on a minute.... I've been working in and around my career for 20 years now.... I might actually know what I'm talking about and I don't need to be cagey about having decent ideas. So I stopped being like ' oh maybe you could do X , I might not be right 🥺' and moved into ' you probably want to do this, you could try it this way or that way'.

I have unbelievably run out of fucks in a very positive but slightly life devastating way because I absolutely won't be put up with feeling shat on.

And if people around me have a problem with me saying hey the way you treat me makes me feel a bit shat on, then they can just shuffle right the fuck out of my life!

This is a problem when it's your partner and your oldest friends but breaking patterns means your pattern gets disrupted. It's not great and I'm not pretending I haven't felt some real despair and the 2025 wasnt basically terrible to go through but I feel so much better for asserting my needs and reducing all the friction I used to put up with where I used to try and just deal with stuff instead of just going oh I don't want to do this. I'm able to feel excited about where I might be going. I also feel extremely scared about being alone a lot of the time.

So this is my current big shift.

Oh sweetheart, you sound so angry and so sad and so exhausted. I really feel for you - grieving your optimism and your hope. It's so so hard when you feel so worn out.

There is some chance you will work at Walmart for some time but it is not definite.

Things change and they've been so absolutely shit for a while now that they have to soon. I can't tell if you already work full-time or not but having a stable wage makes life much easier. There is a silver lining.

Game dev is not simple to get into. This doesn't mean you'll never develop games, I promise.

Having to accept the nature of being working class and having to work forever is really painful and it's okay to find it really painful and why wouldn't you. It is complete bullshit. It is easier when you have a job you don't hate though or at least get to feel like you're expressing your values through.

I'm here for advice if you want practical advice but I think what you need right now is just mainly sympathy.

It is really hard, anyone would find it sad, and is extremely scary to find suicide an attractive option. I'm so sorry you feel so scared at the moment. What you need is to just get through the day at the moment.

Don't focus too much on the future, just focus on looking after yourself. It won't fix everything but it will get you through the bad days until you can problem solve again. Eating, washing, clean clothes, fresh air, getting some rest (ideally sleep but if you can't sleep, dark room, stay warm, nature sounds, that kind of thing).

Sometimes you have to go through waves of these feelings so just try and hunker down and get through it. Our brains suggest lots of ideas to try and problem solve in difficult scenarios and sometimes they suggest really bad ones which can be really scary. Sometimes you have to just kind of be like " okay brain, I know that's what you think is a good idea right now but we're just going to do something else for a bit". And then you get the control back.

Be interesting to see if it stings a bit more because of his heritage.

I always see people saying oh it's not worth it, solar won't generate enough, it won't work. I know it's area-dependant but this comment gives me hope... I'd love to have a little eco flow to do things like charge phones or small batteries (if even that's possible at 50/60°N in a flat.... I have a window box and some ledges maybe I can put something small on).

This comment makes me hopeful it makes it sound like it's not nuts to want to do this... Can you comment on what this general consensus of 'there's no point'? Obviously, you think it's worth it! I'm hoping they're just dooming

Again, those are real problems that money can't solve

The important word in that sentence was "most".

No, no, that would come under "real problem" because money can't solve it.

Kindness, curiosity and a firm belief in treating everyone like they are actual real human beings who can do what they want. It's important to ask people why they do things.

Anarchist with a small 'a' (that is, never going to be vegan, and I've had a managerial position [no, I don't think anarchism means no leaders but I do feel gross about taking part in the paramilitary office structure, and how much I loved the money and status and power]).

The controversial one is ’if you have disposable income, your day-to-day problems won't be real problems'. Most problems are not real problems because money addresses them. Existential, emotional difficulty? Great! You can afford to go to therapy whilst still not suffering any real day to day problems because you have the money 👍.

I'm also fed up of weird consumerist attitudes around 'if I dont get to do everything I want, I'm struggling for money 🥺 I'm poor'

That needs to go fucking yesterday.

In the sink?