they are a (big?) 2 group of people that you meet once or twice a year and when you do you don’t enjoy it

That is what it has been recently. Prior to that it has been gigantic groups of which I belonged to a subset of 2~6 outcasted people who usually represented 90% of my awareness of the rest of the group.

I know why I was an outcast for most of my youth, I've fixed that.

At most, I would consider them acquaintances.

That's the thing, those two were the people who I feel like I had the deepest connection with ever. They were there when most of my support circle went away and I think I even had a crush on one of them. But the thing is that I realized that my relationship with the one I had a crush on was completely my own projection who I objectivly know very little about and the other one was a semi transactional relationship. Was any of it ever real?

Join meetups

The meetup app has gone downhill hard in NYC, I've just about given up on it

such on topics of your interest and try to scout for interesting people in there

:+1:

going somewhere, putting things in our mouths and yapping the day/night away

I fucking hate that this is all that I have. I am so dry and 2 dimentional, I'm litterally just [ Gay, Linux ]. I'm searching so fucking hard for more

the last few year's haven't been easy... things have gotten good enough that I want to make them better

How tho... like if you leave a comment like this then it's obvious to you therefore you know then what is it that you know that you can do to "find friends who enjoy the things I like to do"?

HUGE CONFOUNDING VARIABLE

I am diagnosed with OCD,

That being said I still assert that the changes made are sevear enough that anyone would agree that two plans are not similar:

I summarized a list of ideas for things to do in this comment but this list is a subset of a much larger more specific list (I don't want to share) so let's keep using it.

There was a time where I had no idea if I did or did not like any of these activities and wanted to find out if I did and it did not make sense to me to do these activities alone when I can ask friends to come with me because any friend can text me "why didn't you invite me I would have liked to come":

• Luxury spas => hang out in a cold basement with candles and facemasks and phone playing
• Guided tours => their average opinion of the concept was negative, I didn't have the energy to go do that by myself so I just didn't
• Bar standing => we got older I thought we should try more mature things, they disagreed
• Board games => this was the only plan that stuck, problem is I'm a goal oriented person by nature, even video games don't intrest me as much as writing code does. I used to be a senior redstone developer in minecraft
• Movies => I don't really have much free time to discover movies I like enough that I my friends would like too, I mean I'll find movies that I like but there's no guarentee that it would be something they like. So when they want to watch a movie (usually at home) they'd default pick the most popular one and when I offer an alternative I get shot down. I watched the MCU series and I don't like it. I don't hate it but I wished I had watched other movies
• Shopping => my friends are either broke or paying nyc rent. I guess the world sucks too much anyways and shopping as a friends thing is gone anyways
• Museum standing => my whole body hurts if I stand for >40 mins... I timed it... after 15mins I start walking funny... after 30mins I struggle to hold my head up..... if I get dehydrated I loose the ability to banter or be funny. I slowly decay into an unpleasent person and there's nothing I can do about it

In summary:

me: "Hey let's do anything"

most of the friends I had: "Come to my apartment"

I know I'm not blowing this out of proportions. I'm alittle more sensitive then the average person and I can compensate for that but what do I do if my limits perclude me from doing things with friends.

inb4 "it sounds like your friends are lame" what are normal people such that they are not like the friends I've had??

I tell my friends hey im doing X on this day if you want to come. Sometimes they will say “I cant do X day can you move it?” and ill decide if I want to and if its fine then i reschedule otherwise I go without them. Plans never get changed from what I originally set.

So like what do you do in that case? Like I'm in my "I'm discovering myself phase" so I'm trying to learn what stuff I like to do and I need ideas, like I'd really appreciate if you could list off some specific examples, but not like generally specifc like whatever is specific to you please?

Summary of my list:

Good:

• Luxury spas
• Visiting other cities and touring apartments (Denver > NYC)
• Guided tours
• Hiking (I don't have a car so I just walk around my town for 1-3hrs)

Bad:

Qualifier: I had gone into each one of these activites already happy having fun and positive about the coming experience and then I came out of it disintrested in doing the activity again and feeling any emotion

• Bar standing
• Loud bar-ing
• Community centers
• Board games
• Movies
• Shopping
• Museum standing
• Deleting money at Casino's

"Friends" are characterised as individual's not related by any other recognizable class of relation who convert your time and attention into enrichment and fulfillment while also providing you with an optional datum point for regulating yourself (am I too far behind the people who I like for making good choices, do I have habits or addicitons that I don't know are toxic and I need to see if other people are like this too so I can tell if I'm normal, do I like my definition of normal if not then should I find different friends who might be an environment where I can be a different normal?)

You could try “I’m going to do this thing on this day. If you would like to join me, I’ll be there at this time. Let me know if you’re coming by (RSVP date) so that I can book you a spot/plate/room: it will be $this much.” And then make your plans and do them anyway.

I thought alot about doing this but I cannot wrap my head around how to actually do that? Like ok I'm gonna try to express some of my mental blocks I have right now:

• I feel rude, I feel like I'm bragging to my friends that I'm doing stuff I know they just won't do
• If I did this then I'd have to plan for the real possibility of doing an activity alone, that's gonna bias me towards doing things that might be less social than if I was picking things to do at random
• If I do this than how do I know if I'm being too inflexible when my friends want to make changes? In the past year I tried litterally letting go of everything and just going with the flow for a year straight and I made friends who deep down I don't think I like, while doing things that were objectivily painful (that is a seperate thing I'm working on I need to excersise more lol). There has to be some sort of goal/point/reason to hanging out with friends and if that is nothing more or less than "I feel good when I'm with my friends" then what do I do when I don't feel good? Do I change what it takes for me to feel good or do I change my friends?

Wow tying that last bullet point really coalesed what I wanted to ask in this post, thank you <3

when Jeremy pukes behind the car LOL!

I wish I had more of this in my life. But yeah that was the first change I made, a few years ago I enumerated the set of every possible thing I can expect from friends and explained 1 reason why each specific reason is not correct as an emotional excersise.

So Activpub needs an actor with an inbox and outbox to send and receive content. A did is a virtual actor that reroutes to a real actor and collects content across real actors.

Gpg public keys have a dedicated email address field. And if you don't want to share your "real" email address then just make a new one. (edit) Or don't include one.

And the did stores ur profile picture a public key display names bio etc etc.

Yeah that's a pain point I experienced with Gpg armored packets, I couldn't figure out a way to pack in a PFP. Even shrinking it to 64x64 made the public key file feel too heavy. So I just decided profile pics are out of scope and you should just use gravatar.

U could use pgp as the key in the did if the devs want to support it as a cryptography protocol. The did is also used to sign each message similar to pgp. U simply need more functionality than what pgp provides.

I 80% agree. I do wish PGP armored packets had extra fields and if that's an RFC that could be sent to the Gnupg maintainers then gpg would be absolutely perfect but I haven't gotten around to figuring that out. All things considered since GnuPG already exists and it's already installable everywhere and it already works I figured I could just roll with it for userless atleast. I want to use GPG for all user authentication related concerns.

Whelp here I go again

Why not GPG!!??

I've been working on my own idea for what the "fediverse" should be, I'm calling it userless because I want to avoid users in the database and I wanna use GPG as the individuals identity because it already exists and can yes perfectly verify for me who created a post, I'm not sure why we need more than that.

I haven't flushed the whole thing out yet and I plan to hand write proper docs for the protocol.

But GPG has been around since forever. I've been told that it's too hard to use, it's insecure, it's too old. And when I use the thing I just don't agree, there is nothing technically wrong with the product like it should be way more popular.