emilie

The next day, in the middle of the night, I woke up to a dream about the assistant. It was a simple, innocent dream, really. Just me going to the cemetery and talking to them.

I thought this was an odd dream, as they seemed rather creepy, cold, and wanting nothing to do with me. I guess, however, a part of me thought they had a softer side I could “unlock” if I became friends with them.

In school, they would definitely have been the “weird” kid everyone is scared of and no one bothers to talk to. I’ve always been the type to talk to those people, though, and make sure they had a friend. I guess that was why I wasn’t very popular, but I didn’t care much about popularity anyway.

I realized that I had to do one thing: talk to the assistant.

Feelings of excitement and anxiety bubbled up inside of me.

I got in my car again and drove to Walnut Grove Cemetery, seeing the assistant with their shovel yet again.

“What are you doing here, again?” they asked. Their tone was cold, dry, and deep yet oddly feminine, though I couldn’t tell what gender they were. I didn’t want to get it wrong, however.

“First off, this may seem weird, but what gender are you? Are you a sir? A ma’am?”

“Technically,” they answered, their voice still dry and cool, “I’m none, but you may be neutral or feminine with me if you wish. After all, I was supposed to be…”

They cleared their throat. “...born as a girl.”

“Excellent! I’m (your gender)!”

“Great. Now if you don’t mind, you’re kind of… wasting my time. Like I said yesterday, you’d best go home and not come here for a while. What exactly did you come here to do?”

She was unfriendly and rude, even angry-sounding, so I figured I’d be quick. I was kind of getting nervous, to be honest, though I also still figured she had a softer side, I just needed to be friendly.

“I want… to get to know you more.”

She looked genuinely dumbfounded. “Me?? You want to…” She looked around. “Get to know me more??”

“Yes, you. I don’t believe we properly introduced ourselves, by the way.”

“B-but… I’m just a humble assistant.”

She didn’t seem humble to me, but I guess that was okay.

“I’m (your name).”

“I’m… Kanami Yamamoto. Can we…”

She paused for a little bit.

“Can we…?”

“Can we go for coffee sometime, maybe?”

“It’s a date, then,” I teased.

“What!? I’m not doing this for… you, you know. I’m doing this because you wanted to get to know me.”

“Well, then that is doing it for me. I’m just teasing, anyway.”

She sighed, then laughed. “Oh my God, I thought you were serious.”

She, to be honest, didn’t strike me as the type to laugh. Of course, though, she went right back to being cool. “Anyway, I’m not doing this because of any interest in dating, especially not… someone like you.”

“That’s fine,” I responded. “As long as we can be friends.”

Kanami hesitated for a bit, looking away, before saying “...Sure.”

She looked a bit uncomfortable, but maybe I was misreading the situation. Either way, I didn’t ask. I just stood there, awkwardly in silence.

…

“You’d best go home, I’ve got work to do, it’s getting late… er, early, and…”

I nodded, smiling. “Well, see you!”

“Bye!”

Walking away, a thought suddenly popped into my head. “Wait!”

Kanami cocked her head to the side.

“What’s your phone number?”

All of a sudden, I felt my face turn hot. “I’m… I’m sorry if this is too forward.”

“No worries,” she said, from what I could tell, completely expressionless.

I pulled out my phone and she slowly told me her number, “888-2508”.

“Okay… Bye then.”

“Bye, ma’am.”

And so I drove back home and fell asleep again.

…

(I couldn't go to thelemmy.club for some reason nor could I access it on Photon or whatever, so I made an account here, i am @nonBInary.)

I hate to complain again, but I just wanted to say, why are people on social media in general so rude? (This did not happen on Lemmy or the Fediverse, by the way).

Like seriously, I was ranting about being abused and harmed and stuff and I wrote an angry letter about how I was treated badly for being different and Person A was just talking about how I should go fuck myself and how I was lying and should die or something like that.

I said "Ok, troll," to A and this other person, B, said that A had a point because I "refused to take accountability for my actions" and that it was my fault I was being treated badly and that maybe I deserved it, yada yada yada.

And then A was talking about how I was a stupid bitch for complaining about it on Unsent Letters instead of talking it out, when 1, I was blocked, 2, I don't have to apologize or explain anything to someone who stalked and threatened me. 3, Unsent Letters is for writing your feelings towards people in a letter you'll never send, is it not? Yet I got downvoted a bunch and told all this stuff and how I was bad and "just because I was autistic didn't mean anything and it was still my fault and I need to take accountability".

Literally, all I did was ask for simple boundaries like "do you like hugs"? And one time I tried to be friends with C IRL and approach her. All I said was "Hi". D, the girl who stalked and harassed me, accused me of eavesdropping and called me a creepy stalker who deserved to die all because I dared say hi to C. She also said that I was a threat and I should never speak to her or C or her friends "or else" and she was gonna "do whatever it took to get rid of me and make sure I was gone", which I may or may not take as a death threat(?) (I'm not sure).

Seriously, how do I deserve all that even if I did something wrong I wasn't aware of?