I have my first appt at the gender clinic in two weeks! Are there any things I should make sure to know beforehand?
I'm hoping to get on some sort of estrogen and a SERM to prevent breast development. I am still scared of transitioning and want to take small steps and test the waters before permanent changes take effect.
Will I have to self-advocate for specific forms/names of treatment or can I generally rely on the clinician to be knowledgeable?
I registered with a local clinic to schedule an appointment 2 weeks ago and they finally got back to me today! I was stressing out about having to call in because it was taking a long time, but turns out I just typoed my phone number....
Now I just need to talk to a doctor about what I want. Hopefully they'll have some experience with what I'm looking to acheive.
I want to try out estrogen without permanent effects (mostly breast growth) to see how it feels and have been looking into options. I want to see how it changes my emotions and, if I'm lucky, my skin, face, hips, hair, and body hair.
It seems like there are a few SERMs out there that can be taken alongside HRT to limit breast growth. Another option is just a very low dose if I'm just 'trying it out' for a few months.
Might make an appointment for a local gender clinic and see what options are available. 
Any recommendations for how to test? I've already grown out my hair and recently got a more 'androgynous' hair cut, but I am wayyyyy too scared and unsure to do anything more in public. When I play with my presentation in private there is an occasional spark, but it is mostly disappointing.
Honestly hormones feel like a potential next step, but I'm wary of breast growth and any other irreversible changes that might happen.
There is definitely a 'greener grass' effect happening here, but my perception of women from media and people I know is that they experience emotion and interpersonal connection in a way that feels entirely closed off to me. I've read accounts of trans women describing whole new worlds of emotion during transition, either by way of estrogen/HRT or self acceptance, and I want that.
I've been questioning my gender recently and think I might be trans, but I worry that it is for the wrong reasons. I've been depressed for a long time and I'm idealizing womanhood/being a woman as a way out. I dream that through transitioning I will become more inherently lovable, more capable of loving, less lonely, more beautiful, more alive.
More than anything I wish I could 'know' what I'm meant to be, what steps I can take to be happier.
The watermelon is my old personal emoji from cytube lol. It came from an album art https://wearestandards.bandcamp.com/album/fruit-island
I got the first booster super early, and wouldn't you know it, I just came down with covid yesterday. I'd been checking the status of the second booster daily, but I guess I won't need it now...
At the risk of doxxing myself, I'm in a large city and this is a well known "LGBTQ+ Health Center". I'm hopeful that they'll know what they're doing. However, considering my unique goals, it sounds like I should get myself familiar with doses and meds.