onevia

I was just having a conversation with my wife this morning about my anxiety about the first time I was going to be confronted for my identity. I told her how I felt like it was going to happen soon as I stop passing as cis. Being in a red state in a very rural area makes these anxieties spiral.

Well, it finally happened. I was approached by a stranger for being trans in front of my wife and 20mo son....

And it was such a heartwarming and hopeful interaction! (sorry, I couldn't resist the clickbait plot twist)

My family and I were eating at the local Sam's Club and a man walked up to me and started talking directly to me.

He started with "I don't mean to be presumptuous but..."

Me: Oh shit, here we go. First confrontation and it's in front of my son as we are just enjoying lunch

Him: I don't mean to be presumptuous but I noticed your family is unconventional; my family is also unconventional (He is FtM and his wife is MtF; assumedly). I just wanted to say that if you're looking for resources or community in the area, these are for you

*he hands me two business cards. One card has a website with a big list of transgender resources in my area. The other card is for a local Lutheran Church.

Him: if you're looking for a church, these people don't give a sh*t who you are - they preach about accepting all people and loving and supporting your community. Very loving group of people who accept everyone for who they are.

He patted me on the shoulder, wished me and my family a happy rest of our day and gave a genuine smile as he walked away.

I muttered a thank you but was mostly shocked and didn't even catch his name.

Luckily, once my family was finished eating, we ended up catching him and his wife on the way out. We got to talking a bit more.

I told him that I really needed that because my wife and I are desperate to find local queer community. We talked about how difficult the beginning stages are (I'm 5 months since cracking and 6 weeks on HRT) but it gets so much better. He isn't religious (neither am I) but he goes to this church for the community.

I tell him thank you a million times and we exchange names. We end up hugging tightly for a few moments and we were both a little teary.

Final thought. My wife and I looked up the church and it seems their pastor is queer as well and they specifically mention that they are a trans safe place.

I think my wife and I might end up trying them out in the hopes of creating more friendships and a sense of community. We aren't religious (and can't believe we are considering going to church) but are looking for a community that accepts us as we are. Who knows, maybe that's at church? Lol

Or in other words, do you wish you were born "fitting in" to the society we live in? Why or why not?

This might be a divisive question so please remember to be civil and respectful.

I believe we should all be proud of our trans identities and how they help make up the beautiful complex people we are, but with rising transphobia around the world, we've been pressured to hide this aspect of ourselves and even feel shame or internalized transphobia. It's important to keep in mind that transphobia and bigotry are learned traits. Not something people are born with. Our society as well as influential people in our lives shape these viewpoints out of fear and lack of understanding.

I think this is why so many of us that fall under a binary trans umbrella (including myself) are overly concerned with passing in public. Or "presenting as cis" vs being comfortable with where we are in our process.

Does being concerned with passing mean we wish we were cis? Or is it more of a self defense we have developed to keep ourselves safe even if that means going "stealth" and hiding big aspects of our identity?

What are your thoughts? Do you wish you were cis instead of trans? Why is that?

**EDIT: When writing and thinking about this post, I did not fully consider how different perspectives may view this question. I wrote it using my own experience as a mostly binary trans woman and in turn it excludes a lot of non-binary perspectives.

I apologize for excluding any of our wonderful transiblings from discussion. I'll keep this in mind moving forward and love each and every one of you!

All the love, -Olivia**

A lot of us experience dysphoria about a lot of things. Personally, one of my biggest points of dysphoria is my facial/body hair and masculine sounding voice.

We believe this should be a community where all trans people are welcome to give and receive support on their journey.

Feel free to rant about what's been bothering you and try and comment on someone else's comment with some encouragement! It can really go a long way to brightening someone's day!

Love to all my trans brothers, sisters, enbies and all other flavors of people who live as they are ❤️

-Olivia (oNevia)

I'm still pretty early on in my HRT journey at just under 5 weeks of estradiol IM injections and Spironolactone.

One thing that I kind of was expecting but still took me by surprise was the depth of my emotions increasing.

I kept reading about "a larger range of emotional responses" but feeling it is a whole new world! I feel like my emotions have so much more texture and nuance that I pick up on. I can feel them shift from sadness to anger to determination to whatever so quickly and so intuitively.

Before I started E, the best way I can describe how my emotional state behaved was like these blurry blobs of feelings that were difficult to distinguish or identify. Everything swirled around me without me being able to fully experience them. Now they are a part of me and I would never go back ❤️

Lately I have been listening to the album "The Blessed Unrest" by Sara Bareilles.

From "I Choose You" being the song my wife and I chose to walk down the aisle to (before my egg cracked) to that same beautiful woman playing "Brave" for me - giving me strength to come out as trans to family. This album has become a staple in my transition and it's easy to see my self throughout it's lyrics and melodies.

"Hercules" is also a good song about pleading for inner strength - which for me, means becoming my authentic self as Olivia. Here is a verse from that song that resonates with me:

I've lost a grip on where I started from
 I wish I'd thought ahead and left a few crumbs I'm on the hunt for who I've not yet become But I'd settle for little equilibrium
 There is a war inside my heart gone silent Both sides dissatisfied and somewhat violent The issue I have now begun to see
 I am the only lonely casualty

Personally, for me it's the idea that just because you don't experience something (dysphoria, or being a gender other than what society expects of you) that doesn't mean those experiences aren't valid.

I get sooo tired of the response "I just don't understand! I love being my AGAB! Why can't you just get over it?"

I just took my first Spiro about an hour ago. I'll be doing my first E injection tonight (after my little one is asleep for the night) and I can not express all of the emotions I have been having over the past few days.

My wife surprised me with an amazing care package which included:

• New pink reusable water bottle to keep me hydrated

-Obligatory cat ears (wearing right now)

-Trans flag socks :D

-Jar of pickles

-Custom trans colored m&Ms with sayings like "you are loved Olivia" "I want to see you be brave" "take your e today!"

-"The Blessed Unrest" vinyl by Sara Bareilles which has been very affirming for me as of late

-A beautiful finger painting my 19mo son made me of a butterfly and the words "and she became a beautiful butterfly"

-Pepper spray to keep me safe

-Super cute girly bandaids to use after my shots.

I balled like a baby. I cried more than I think I ever have before. I am so full of love and gratitude for this woman and her support. For my family. And for myself - for the first time in my life.

Just wanted to share with someone ❤️

Hey all,

So I'm a nervous wreck waiting in the waiting room to start talking to an endocrinologist about HRT.

I know I want this. And I believe I need this to live but I am so paralyzed with anxiety 😬

Edit: thank you everyone for your support and kind words! That means the world to me ❤️

Just got home. The appointment went amazingly! My doctor took the time to listen to me and even went out of her way to refer me to vocal training with the hospitals speech therapist because I happened to say my voice was dysphoric. I didn't even know they had a speech therapist that does vocal feminization! Plus my insurance will most likely cover it 😄

She was kind, respectful and didn't trivialize my experience as a person or a woman.

Just need to wait for blood results to come back and I'll be in the needle club.

I'm starting off with (I think) 2mg injected in the thigh once a week and 100mg of Spiro a day with potentially adding progesterone if needed or wanted.