Today I Fucked Up

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r/TIFU means Today I Fucked Up.

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126
 
 
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/LeastCleverNameEver on 2025-10-26 19:57:17+00:00.


Obligatory not today, last fall

I made an appointment at CVS for my flu shot, but I was lazy and kept pushing it back until eventually I just cancelled it and figured I'd be fine.

Flew out to visit my mother for Xmas. Spent Xmas eve with the whole family (ages 1.5-85yrs). Woke up Xmas morning feeling like I was dying. You know what I mean, my whole body hurt, my head was stuffy, all I wanted to do was sleep. So I took some NyQuil.

My next clear memory is January 28.

I had the flu. Which became necrotizing pneumonia and I became septic. I was put on a ventilator and in a medically induced coma for a month.

I almost died from the goddamn FLU.

I have brief flashes of what happened in the days between Xmas and 12/29, when my mother called the ambulance. I have clearer memories of the nightmares I had while comatose, then back to brief flashes as I regained consciousness.

Long story short, get your fucking flu shot. I was healthy, relatively young (early 40s), and if I hadn't happened to be visiting my mom, I would be dead. I would have died alone in my house because I didn't feel like walking the 4 blocks to CVS.

Im fully vaxxed now.

TL;DR: I skipped my flu shot last year and almost died.

ETA: No one at the family xmas party got sick, neither did my mom. Thank God.

Edit: spelling

127
 
 
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/IcyCauliflower4986 on 2025-10-26 17:22:21+00:00.


So, I (29F) have been crushing hard on this guy (32M) at my gym for a while now. He’s got this charming smile, and we’ve recently started flirting and chatting whenever we bump into each other during workouts. The catch? He has an identical twin brother who also goes to the same gym. Same face, same build, same hairstyle, even the same voice tone, literally no way to tell them apart unless you’re up close and personal. Today, I strutted into the gym, spotted who I thought was my crush near the dumbbells, and decided to shoot my shot with some flirty small talk. I walked up, flashed a smile, and we started chatting. I was laying on the charm, talking about our usual gym banter, but something felt… off. He was polite but seemed a bit distant, not picking up on our usual vibe. I brushed it off, thinking maybe he was just having an off day. Then, like a scene from a bad rom-com, my actual crush walked up, said, “good to see you” and put his hand on my shoulder with that familiar grin. My stomach dropped. I realized I’d been chatting up his twin brother for the last few mins😭 The worst part is the twin totally knew I mistook him for his brother and just went along with it, probably out of politeness (or amusement). I mumbled some excuse about needing to start my workout and bolted to the treadmill, face burning. Now I’m overanalyzing every word I said to the twin, wondering if I came off as a total weirdo. Safe to say, I’ll be triple-checking who I’m talking to at the gym from now on. TL;DR: TIFU by flirting with my crush’s identical twin brother at the gym, thinking it was him, only to get busted when my real crush showed up.

128
 
 
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/opelemmescoochbyya on 2025-10-26 02:46:51+00:00.


Obligatory “this didn’t happen today” but it was recent!

About six months ago, I had a baby. Everything was fine and wonderful until I had my first gallbladder attack. I genuinely thought I had broken something in my spine or was having a heart attack or both. My husband had taken the “night shift” with the baby so he was awake and on the couch. I nearly had to crawl to him to ask him what he thought might be wrong. He assumed maybe I had popped a rib out of place (because that’s something that happens to me a lot tbh), or a panic attack. When the pain didn’t subside, he called his mom to sit in our house with the baby and our oldest. It was like 2 am and we definitely didn’t want to take our kids to the ER with us. I love his mom, she was over at our house minutes later.

We go to the ER and I explain what’s going on. They do all their fancy tests and tell me I have a gallstone lodged in a duct. Neat. They give me some pain meds and schedule a consultation with a surgeon.

He’s a cool dude, tells me that I’m young and healthy and could potentially never have an issue again. Says that, while he enjoys doing surgery, he doesn’t want to just take my money for something that could potentially never be an issue. Tells me to go to the ER if I experience another attack that lasts longer than an hour, gives me a blue raspberry sucker, and sends me on my way.

Time passes and I have a couple more small attacks, all lasting less than an hour. I assume it’s no big deal.

Then the big one happens. My husband comes home from his night shift to find me writhing on the floor in pain. I cannot stand up so he just sits on the ground and holds me until it passes. This attack lasts less than an hour so I refuse when he says we need to go to the hospital. I have declared that I am fine. I pop a Tylenol and go to bed. The next morning, I feel funky. Exhausted. Assuming it’s just from not getting a lot of sleep, I chug my usual energy drink, take more Tylenol, curl up with my baby (he’s in his bassinet next to my comfy chair, we still practice safe sleep!) and take a little nap. The day progresses normally and everything is chill. The NEXT day, I am even more exhausted. I am having a hard time standing up again due to a dull ache but nothing unmanageable. My husband keeps doing his “if you need me to stay home from work, I will” thing but I insist I’m fine.

He calls my mom. He told my MOTHER ON ME.

She takes me to urgent care. They say I have keytones in my urine and some signs of dehydration but there’s not much they can do. Whatever. They did not care, nor was my issue urgent. They tell me to go on a clear liquid diet for a few days. I call my husband, let him know what’s up. Eat some chicken broth. Vibes.

Next day, I am feeling like hot deep fried garbage. Still tell my husband to go to work. He calls his mom to come check on me. She does, and she brings food because she is lovely. I’m starving because chicken broth is fully not enough. I eat very slowly and throw it all up less than five minutes later.

My mother in law is a lovely woman. Genuinely one of the best people in the world. But I’m a little scared of her (in a good way if that makes sense). She grabs me by the arm and tells me we are going back to the emergency room. I don’t argue. Again, I am frightened.

I go in, she gives them the spiel then goes outside because she has my baby and no one wants him exposed to germs. I give a urine sample, they take my blood pressure, all that jazz. In the time it takes them to do that, I turn yellow. Like Simpsons yellow. They admit me to a room and start pushing fluids. I am now in the most pain I have ever been in in my entire life. I cannot stop shaking and throwing up bile. It’s gross. Someone must’ve called my husband because he showed up and sat with me. Tests come back and I have a severe UTI and kidney infection along with being dehydrated. More fluids. I am once again very yellow. They all have to tell me how yellow I am. They think it’s both funny and terrifying. I have a CT scan, two ultrasounds, and blood work. On top of my infections, my gallstone is now fully blocking my bile duct and has sent my liver and pancreas into overdrive. They also tell me that if I had waited another day to come in, I’d probably be dying (lol). They give me morphine. It’s nice.

The surgeon that can remove my gallbladder though? He’s in Africa.

So they start calling every hospital around and FINALLY find one two hours away that is willing to accept me. They send my husband home to pack bags for us. We’re going to be gone for awhile. My husband is the best. He gets me completely packed for five days with different outfit options so I can feel cute or comfy, a decent selection of makeup, hair care (he forgot conditioner but he is forgiven), and the book I’m currently reading. He also packs for both babies to stay at his parents house while we’re gone and does an amazing job. Life is so much better when you don’t marry a loser. For panic packing, he did so good. I just wanna kiss his forehead thinking about it again.

ANYWAY we spend five days in the other hospital, I get my ducts scoped and turned into a Jenna Marbles impressionist coming out of anesthesia the first time, then cry after my actual removal surgery because I forgot to ask for a tummy tuck when I was knocked out.

Lifes good now. I’m down a useless organ and am awaiting a terrifyingly large medical bill but 🤷🏻‍♀️. I didn’t die.

TLDR: TIFU by ignoring my gallbladder screaming for help, almost dying, but not!

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/cornonthefrawg on 2025-10-26 02:35:04+00:00.


we have a small group at work that’s pretty close and we all use the bump app to see who’s around it’s mostly for fun like checking who’s grabbing coffee or who’s still stuck at the office it became a small habit and everyone in the group keeps it on so we can meet up after work sometimes

there’s this new girl who joined about two months ago she’s super easy to talk to funny always nice to me we started texting a bit outside of work and i started to think maybe she liked me too i know that’s dangerous thinking but she was always friendly and kept the conversation going so i convinced myself there was a spark

last night i saw on the bump app that she was at a restaurant not far from my place my brain short circuited and thought hey maybe i could just walk by and say hi maybe grab a quick bite if she’s alone it sounded harmless in my head so i did it i went there walked inside looked around and saw her sitting across from a guy they were laughing sharing food and clearly on a date i froze like a deer in headlights and then did a full 180 out the door

the worst part is she saw me i know she saw me our eyes met for half a second and i could literally feel my soul leave my body i spent the rest of the night pretending it didn’t happen but i barely slept this morning i opened the bump app and she’s gone maybe she turned on ghost mode maybe she just doesn’t want me to see her location anymore either way i deserved that

it’s totally my fault i read too much into friendly energy and then acted on impulse instead of common sense i’ve been cringing at myself all day and i don’t think i’ll ever look at that app again without feeling secondhand embarrassment from my own stupidity

TLDR saw my coworker’s location on the bump app thought she liked me decided to stop by the restaurant she was at found her on a date she saw me and now she’s probably on ghost mode while i’m dying of shame

130
 
 
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Other-Cantaloupe4765 on 2025-10-25 19:18:29+00:00.


Obligatory ‘not today’ lol. It was a while ago.

I’d spent the night at my sister’s house babysitting my niece (6yo) and my nephew (9yo) while my sister was out with friends for the weekend.

My niece is your stereotypical girly girl. Loves the color pink and enjoys cheerleading, dresses, and makeup. She’d begged me to let her do my makeup the whole time I was there. I don’t even wear makeup in my day-to-day life. I just don’t like it. So I kept putting it off. Finally, on the morning I was supposed to be leaving, I allowed my niece to have at it. Oh man, she was so excited. She has kid makeup- makeup meant for little kids to play with. It’s real makeup. It’s just made with organic, nontoxic materials that are easy to wash off. Play makeup. I don’t know how else to describe it, but I’m sure that the majority of women here know what I’m talking about lol.

She did my blush, eyeshadow, lipstick, and mascara (mascara in kid makeup is basically just water or baby oil). She thought it was beautiful. I encouraged her and told her she was really great at doing makeup. It made her whole day. I never looked in a mirror or anything. My head was hurting so I just chilled on the couch while this was going on. Her grandma pulled up outside shortly after this to pick up my niece and nephew. I hugged and kissed them goodbye and sent them on their way. I plopped back down on the couch, took my migraine pills, and had a nap. I woke up maybe an hour later and got my things together to leave.

I hopped in my car and started driving down the road. I heard the ping indicating my gas light just came on, so I stopped at the first gas station I saw. I’d never been in that specific gas station before, but I needed gas so I wasn’t gonna be picky. I parked and walked in to pay. A female cashier took care of me. I walked up to the counter and told her I’d like to pay for gas on pump number whatever. She starts ringing it up, and I start digging through my wallet for my debit card. As I’m doing that, the cashier says, “you look absolutely beautiful!” And I’m not gonna lie, I actually turned around to see if she was talking to someone behind me lmao. She said, “no I’m talking to you! You look beautiful today!” I was kinda confused but said, “oh, thank you so much!!”I paid and went back outside to pump my gas.

By the time I got back into my car, I was like “Hell yeah, maybe I am looking real good today!” I’d only thrown my hair up in a ponytail and changed my clothes earlier, but if a random person told me I was beautiful, maybe I’m looking good!

So I just decided to be happy about the compliment. I put my car in reverse and glanced up at my rearview mirror before starting to back up. But I caught something unexpected and had to do a double take. I slowly looked back into the mirror and, to my horror, I was still wearing the makeup my niece had done earlier. Bright blue eyeshadow clear up to my eyebrows. Bright red sparkly blush laid on THICK on my cheeks. Bright pink lipstick applied haphazardly to my lips- smeared to the side and everything. I slowly turned my eyes back forward and put my head down on the steering wheel in absolute embarrassment lol. My face certainly got hot when I mentally replayed the interaction with the cashier, though you probably couldn’t tell through all the makeup lmfao.

I took a deep breath and got back on the road. And I washed it all off when I got back to my house. I’ve never been back to that gas station since this incident. That cashier probably told all her coworkers about the crazy lady who didn’t know how to do her own makeup lol.

TL;DR: I let my niece do my makeup, forgot about it, and then went into a gas station with blue eyeshadow up to my eyebrows. The cashier told me I was beautiful.

131
 
 
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/cferg296 on 2025-10-25 18:27:43+00:00.


Okay so i took my mom out for a dinner at Texas Road House. We don't see each other often so when we do i usually take her out to dinner and that is her favorite restaurant. It was a nice dinner, and everything was fine. The bill when we go usually ends up being around 60-70 dollars. After we were done eating i drover her home and then drove back to my place, which is about a 30 minute drive away. When i got home i laid down on the couch to take a nap.

Then i woke up with a start with a horrible realization. I had completely forgot to pay when i took my mom to dinner. We accidentally dine-and-dashed, and since they were so busy they didnt notice.

Panicking, but still half asleep from my nap, i looked up the texas road house that i take my mom to and called them to explain that i had forgot to paid and see if i could pay over the phone, and if not i would be willing to drive down there to pay my bill.

But when i explained the situation they were just confused. They had no reports that anyone had dine and dashed that day. In fact when i described our order and the time that we were there they had no orders that matched that description. I was confused for a moment and then it hit me, and i felt like a complete dumbass when it did.

It was all a dream.

I hadn't taken my mom to dinner today at all. My dumb ass napped on the couch, had a dream that i took my mom to dinner and forgot to pay, and then when i woke up from my nap my tired brain was so fooled by the dream that i thought it was real and then i called a real texas road house to pay for a dinner that never happened.

I hung up on them and threw my phone across the room.

TL;DR: I had a dream i took my mom to a restaurant and forgot to pay. When i woke up i called the restaurant to explain i forgot to pay for a dinner that happened in my dream because i was still half asleep

132
 
 
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/ApprehensiveCount597 on 2025-10-25 18:21:08+00:00.


I have some pretty rough diarrhea today- the kind where you feel the need to strip naked on the toilet and rock back and forth in a cold sweat while trying to breathe through the intestinal cramping. Where you bargain your soul to get through it...

After the 3rd round, I went to lay down on the couch for a bit and decided I wanted my weighted blanket for comfort (it's 40lbs, the heaviest I could find, and usually my favorite thing on the planet)

As I'm laying there, the blanket just melts around me, into the crevices of the couch. I'm in heaven.

Then the rumbling returns. The gurgle that is soon followed by sharp intestinal cramps.

I panic. I try to get off the couch. I can't. I'm entangled in 40lbs of weighted blankets.

TL;DR: I shit myself because I got stuck in a weighted blanket.

133
 
 
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Negative-Break9969 on 2025-10-25 11:53:22+00:00.


Original post:https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/s/MaqvOyg8T3

So yesterday, after I was done cleaning, I went straight to my office room, where I stayed till the end of the day (with poop breaks every hour). I was so embarrassed that I wanted to avoid everyone. When I finished my job, I headed to my car. I was surprised when I noticed only a few cars in the parking lot. That was very unusual, but I thought it was because it was Friday. Today I wanted to meet up with my boss as soon as possible, so I came at the same time as he usually arrives (6:30-7:00). But when I went to his office, he was nowhere to be found. I saw his assistant, Clair (fake name). She looked up from her laptop and was shocked to see me. I asked her about the boss, and she told me that he is sick, some stomach issues, and he is not the only one. Apparently half of our company felt sick yesterday. I asked:

  • What happened?
  • Oh, you know exactly what happened - and she smirked.

"Holy shit, did I bring some stomach virus?" I thought. She noticed my confusion and added that everyone had the same issue as me, and some people went home early yesterday because our toilet was occupied due to my shitty accident. Which explains why there were fewer cars in the parking lot yesterday. I asked her if the boss is still mad at me because of that. She laughed and told me that I have nothing to worry about and it was Rob's fault (also a fake name). Rob was this 18-year-old intern, son of a boss's friend, who was "helping" the customer care team. I wrote "helping" because he wasn't doing shit. Always late, always rude, and very entitled. The day before my shitty accident, he was yelling at the customers that they were stupid idiots for not understanding our return policy, and he (Rob) didn't have time for their bullshit. He was fired on the spot, obviously. He was extremely mad and told our boss he will regret this. Apparently he was here yesterday morning demanding to be rehired, but the boss didn't yield. And that was it. Or so we thought. Clair told me that her brother, who is working as a doorman in our company, met Rob at the bar. He was drinking with his friends and bragging about how he took his revenge on his old job. This motherfucker added tasteless laxatives to the water tank in our coffee machine and to the coffee grinder. I was speechless. The only unaffected people were those who drank tea that day. Boss already knows about Rob's actions and wants to sue him for harming others. As for my case, I don't think my boss is angry at me anymore, so I'll not lose my job because of the unflushable shit I left yesterday.

TL;DR: A fired intern added laxatives to the coffee machine, which caused stomach problems for me and my boss

134
 
 
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Jellybelly3002 on 2025-10-25 09:02:26+00:00.


I’m a tattoo apprentice and today I accidentally misspelled a word while tattooing. The stencil was fading and I tattooed some lines to keep track of where to tattoo. This is where I accidentally made NI like IN. It was just one line, but it was there. I told the guy I fucked up and he was super cool about it, but I still was feeling so messed up about it. I’m very afraid to tell my mentor.

I decided to put white ink over the line and it looked okay when I was done, but I know that it will heal a bit different than what it looked like now. He has to walk around with my mistake for the rest of his life.

I felt so bad cause he put his trust in me to do a good tattoo, and I misspell something. It was truly so humbling, cause I was convinced it wouldn’t happen to me.

I’m very grateful he was so cool about it but I don’t know if I can forgive myself for this permanent mistake.

TL;DR: Misspelled mid tattoo cause the stencil was fading. Client was cool about.

135
 
 
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/DissociativeSilence on 2025-10-25 02:26:53+00:00.


To start this off, I am 110 pounds. When I drink, I can only really handle 2 shots worth.

Today I went to a happy hour, and decided to have one drink. The drink I chose was a mix of different fruit flavored vodkas in a cool light-up skull cup.

Y’all. It turns out this drink had no mixer. I’m the sort of person who compulsively sips on the drink in front of me, so I’d consumed around half of it before realizing that I’d gotten very fucked up very fast.

My hands started to tingle and I felt almost panicked. Deciding I needed water immediately, I got up from the table and went to approach the bar. Very quickly, I knew something was very wrong and went right back to the table. Someone went to get me water while I put my head down on the table and tried not to pass out. When the water came I drank the whole glass as fast as possible.

Around this point the people I was with figured out the problem (the lack of mixer). I measured the volume when I got home and it seems I’d consumed around 5 shots. I frantically drank four glasses of water before I was sober enough for someone to walk me home. I ate some food immediately.

It’s a few hours later now and I’m still coming down from it. I keep getting the hiccups. Miraculously, I have not thrown up. I have work in the morning. Fuck.

Tl;dr: I did not realize there was no mixer in my drink. Had around 5 shots in quick succession when I typically can only handle two.

136
 
 
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/spacekidette96 on 2025-10-24 20:15:02+00:00.


So I’m mid-exam, already sweating bullets, trying to look professional for my invigilator - webcam on, full-body view, the whole deal.

My invigilator, that is watching me for the next 3 hours has this absolutely beautiful, thick accent, and I’m hanging on every word because I do not want to mess anything up and get flagged.

She asks me to show where my phone is, so I do. I’m standing there, laser-focused, waiting for her next instruction. Then I swear to God she says:

“Please click your heels as fast as you can back and forth.”

My brain short-circuits. I pause, blink, and - just to be sure - I ask her to repeat that.

She says it again. Clear as day to my stressed-out ears:

“Click your heels as fast as you can.”

So I think, “Well, weird request, but okay - she’s the authority here.”

I plant my feet. Straight face. Full-body view. And I proceed to click my heels together twice. With confidence.

There’s a long pause. Then she says -slowly, sweetly -

“No… please click on screen.”

I have never felt my soul leave my body faster.

So somewhere in the invigilator servers is a high-definition recording of me, dead serious, obediently heel-clicking like Dorothy trying to teleport out of her degree. 💀😭

TL;DR: Misheard my exam proctor’s accent- thought she told me to “click my heels as fast as I can” - so I stood up mid-exam, dead serious, and did a full Wizard-of-Oz heel-click before realizing she meant “click on screen.” 💀🎓

137
 
 
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/SilentOrbit9 on 2025-10-24 18:40:53+00:00.


This happened a while back but Im still feeling the consequences today. A few years ago I was in what I thought was a super solid relationship. We decided to move in together, share bills and basically start living like we were already married just without the paperwork.

At first it felt amazing. We split everything 50/50 (or so I thought) but slowly it turned into me paying for more and more stuff. Rent, car payments, random “emergencies.” I kept telling myself it didnt matter because we were building a future together. Yeah… that future lasted about a year before everything fell apart. When we broke up, it got messy. I didnt realize how tangled our finances were until I started trying to sort it all out. I had no clue what was mine anymore. I still kick myself for not protecting myself better not because I didn’t love her, but because I should’ve used my head too

Lesson learned: love and logic aren’t enemies. If you’re mixing finances or moving in with someone get everything in writing. Its not about trust, its about clarity

TL;DR: Thought love meant full trust. Ended up learning the hard way that you need paperwork not just promises

138
 
 
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Remarkable-Ease-eff on 2025-10-24 18:30:01+00:00.


Picture in comments. I posted this on another forum and removed it from sheer embarrassment, but it’s been a few days and I figured I’d share here…

I was trying to make a friend laugh on FaceTime, she dared me to fit into step ladder, and I can’t say no to dares. I stepped into it in between steps worked it up my legs… somehow I wiggled my big butt in but could not get it out no matter how hard I tried… I freaked, completely stuck in this step ladder belt.

I take off my pants, try oil, different methods of wiggle. anyway after about an hour and a half of panicking, I called EMS who came over and got the step ladder off my bum… Undoubtedly the most embarrassed I’ve ever been in my life.

TL;DR I had to call 911 and explain to them why I was wearing a step ladder

139
 
 
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Local_Conflict_4301 on 2025-10-24 03:45:42+00:00.


Power went out last night in my neighborhood. Total darkness. I live alone and got paranoid hearing noises, so I grabbed my phone flashlight and started checking the rooms.

When I went to the hallway mirror, I saw a figure move behind me. I screamed so loud my throat hurt, dropped my phone, and ran outside barefoot. My neighbor came out with a bat asking what happened. I said someone was in my house. He came in with me and found… nothing.

I replayed the footage from my doorbell cam and realized the “figure” I saw was just my own reflection moving when I turned the light on. My brain just refused to process that mirrors exist when I’m terrified.

Now my neighbor keeps calling me “Ghostbuster” every time he sees me.

TL;DR: Thought I saw an intruder during a power outage, screamed, ran outside, it was just me in the mirror.

140
 
 
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Nkortega21 on 2025-10-24 02:54:48+00:00.


My wife is 12 weeks pregnant and just had her lab work and original ultrasound done. I am the one that usually sends messages to the OBGYN on MyChart under her account because my wife does not like communicating through the app.

We planned on sharing the results with a baker and having the inside of the cake either be pink or blue. To make it easier we asked if they could send a separate message containing the results. They obliged and sent the message; however, MyChart has this special feature where the first few words of the message will preview before opening the message.

So what I see is:

GENDER RESULTS - DO NOT OPEN

You are having a boy congr…

I have since deleted the message from MyChart and will be holding this secret for who knows how long.

TL;DR: I am having a boy

141
 
 
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/SinokPS on 2025-10-24 02:19:18+00:00.


My wife went out to see a movie with her friend tonight while I had the reigns. Not a terribly uncommon scenario for either of us (my wife while I go out and I while she does). We are a blended family, my two oldest daughters (16, 13), my stepson (14) and my wife and my daughter (4) were all home. I made dinner and it was all complaints (I legit did over salt some of it, and felt bad about that). I asked for things to be put away, homework addressed, and a little assistance getting some milk for the youngest via my oldest and all requests were defiantly turned down, so it was a whole evening of reiterating or just moving on to the next thing/forcing a teenager off their device, etc.

I was overstimulated and under-helped for them all to be like this at once. I lost my shit and called the older kids "useless assholes" after about the 12th denied request to help me grab my phone from downstairs while getting the 4 year old ready for bed.

I have subsequently apologized to each of the teens and they don't seem too bothered but I have never, ever in all my years being a dad said something like that to them and feel like a complete fuck-up.

TL;DR: I lost my shit and called my teenage kids a bunch of assholes, now I feel horrible.

142
 
 
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/AliceMorgon on 2025-10-23 10:03:16+00:00.


I have a big double bed and I always sleep on the same side. I always have done. But ‘my’ side of the bed is next to the wardrobe, and as I was organising my clothes, it was covered in them. I took one look at them all at midnight when I was exhausted and just went “oh darn, I guess I’ll have to sleep on the other side tonight huh now”, walked around the bed, climbed in, and went to sleep.

My cat Schrödinger has an annoying habit of jumping up on my chest in my sleep from the floor and meowing loudly in my face in the wee small hours. I have no idea why. The only way to dodge him is to sharply roll backwards away from him and hope he lands on the mattress. Usually, it works, and he just settles down next to me and goes to sleep. It’s adorable. But anyway.

I am extremely sleep deprived. I have barely slept for about four days now. It is taking me forever to type this because I keep suddenly starting to write utter nonsense. So when I heard Dodo make his usual “brrrrrrrrr” warble that means he’s about to jump up at me at about 2am, I automatically roll sharply to the left and promptly fall out of bed, arms and legs flailing wildly, straight onto the hardwood floor with a loud enough bang that my downstairs neighbour came running upstairs to check I wasn’t having a seizure. When she saw what had really happened, she almost wet herself laughing.

I have bruises on my ass, my legs, my back, and a whopper of a bump on the back of my head. I cannot comfortably sit down and am going to have to carry a damn cushion around for a day or so as if I have really bad haemorrhoids. Which is exactly what everyone will think.

And then the cat just casually sprawled across my face. Because of course he did.

TL;DR: Switched sides of bed, became confused in middle of night, and fell out of bed when my cat tried to jump on me.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/babyxgirlll on 2025-10-23 17:45:41+00:00.


So last night I was feeling a little bold. My boyfriend is out of town for work and we have been texting all the time. I decided to surprise him with a quick facetime… except I was in bed, undressed and feeling kinda flirty.

I called him, waited a second and when the call connected I instantly went into “heyyy baby, i miss you soo much” mode while posing in the least PG way possible.

Except it wasn’t my boyfriend. It was his mom.

Apparently earlier that week his mom had been having trouble with her iphone and he used my phone to call her so he could help her explain something. I never deleted the contact from recent calls. And you can guess who’s name was right above his.

The look on her face when I realize who it was… i can’t even describe it lol. It was like a mix of horror, shock and catholic disappointment. She didn’t even say anything. Just hung up quickly.

Thirty seconds later my boyfriend calls me dying of laughter. His mom immediately called him saying “your girlfriend just called me naked!”

I apologized, texted her a long explanation and she replied “it’s okay accidents happen”. Which is worse because now she’s being polite about something i’ll never recover from.

TL;DR: Tried to facetime my boyfriend looking sexy, accidentally called his mom instead. She saw everything. She told the whole family. I’m mortified.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/LividLawfulness4962 on 2025-10-23 16:41:32+00:00.


Got into the whole health optimization thing after new years, following biohacking influencers and fitness people posting their supplement routines. Started simple with vitamin D cause I work remotely. Then magnesium, ashwagandha for stress, zinc, pre-workout, and some herbal focus thing from amazon. Ended up taking like 8 different things twice a day. By August my stomach was completely screwed. I started getting heartburn at first then it continue to bloating, cramps, exhaustion even though I was "doing everything right." Thought maybe it was food intolerance or something.

Finally saw my doctor last week and she checked everything and told me I'd been poisoning myself. Had to stop everything. My gut is wrecked now and I need probiotics to fix it. Wasted $400 over six months thinking I was being healthy. Don't mix random supplements without talking to a doctor first. Learn from my dumbass mistake.

TL;DR: Mixed around 7 supplements for the past months not being aware of what I was putting in my body, destroyed my gut and wasted $400. Zinc blocked copper, bad interactions, sketchy Amazon stuff. Always check with doctors first."

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Drawing_KartistJ on 2025-10-23 06:34:51+00:00.


So, not really in my opinion, but a few of my coworkers pointed this out to me today.

I often like to buy the dogs at my job different blankets and comfy items out of my own pocket because I like going to goodwill, plus it’s very rewarding to me to see the dogs so happy to sleep on a soft newish blanket that hasn’t been torn up yet. Anyways, I go to goodwill and notice a nice large pink blanket with soft white fabric on the inside of it, usually it would have been $12, but since it was a tag from last week it was priced at $2. So I said fuck it, might as well buy it for the dogs and bring it into my shift that day. The dogs loved it and I was very happy to see one of the dogs with a lot of anxiety in new places sleeping comfortably on the blanket. Win for me I guess 😂 Fast forward to my next shift 3 days later, I was talking to my coworkers and they brought up that someone had brought in an Ugg’s blanket for the dogs to use when it could have been used as a normal blanket for their house. I spoke up and said it was me that brought it in and since I don’t follow brands I didn’t know, but after getting curious on my shift the same blanket is going for $108 on amazon right now. At the end of the day, I really don’t care about the blanket, but my coworkers think I fucked up 😂😅

TL:DR I didn’t know the brand of a blanket I got for $2 at goodwill was worth $108 and some doggos got a really comfortable blanket to sleep on

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/patient-panther on 2025-10-23 02:56:01+00:00.


Today we had a seasonal pest control service done at our house. We had this done for the first time in the summer due to an excessive ant, spider, and wasp infestation. It was very effective and we were happy with the results. However, a lot of spiders returned throughout the summer and I've been trying to get more comfortable with the fact that our house seems to be a spider sanctuary. My main concern has been the black widows because they can be lethal to cats. My beloved cat is my child, but he's also an idiot. I'm sure he would walk right up to a black widow and let it bite him. I do understand how spiders are important for our ecosystems and they control bug populations, so I've worked on embracing them, with the exception of the black widows, which we kill at first site.

One spider (not a widow) in particular has set up camp at our back door. She's spun a web across the side that doesn't open and she's been having a feast of a time with all the bugs that fly towards the light through the glass door. She started off small, but grew quickly and kind of freaked me out for a while since she was so close to the entrance. But over time, my partner has helped me come to see her beauty. She has gorgeous orange markings and a unique body shape with two points on her back. My partner figured out that she is called a cat-faced spider, since the points look like cat ears. I'm a huge fan of cats, so this has helped me become more comfortable with her. One day, my partner referred to her as Mittens and I realized he had named her. I loved this name and I started to love this spider. I've been watching her grow all summer, and as it approaches fall we know that she will pass when winter hits after she lays her eggs.

Well, I completely forgot about Mittens today when the pest service guy came. I was busy trying to keep my dog out of the way and the thought didn't cross my mind to ask him to leave her space alone. When my partner came home and I mentioned the pest service, he asked if I remembered to keep him away from Mittens. My heart sunk and my guts churned. I told him I forgot and I felt awful. He went out to check her space and couldn't find any sign of her. He stayed very calm and understanding, but I know he's crushed. I am devastated that I let this happen to Mittens and I've crushed my partner in the process. I'm honestly dying inside and I don't know if I can ever forgive myself for this. All I can hope is that she's laid her eggs already and her spirit will carry on through her tiny spider babies next season.

TLDR I fucked up because I grew attached to a beautiful cat-faced spider this summer, then I forgot to keep our pest service guy away from her space today 😭

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/mushroomqueenie on 2025-10-22 15:12:02+00:00.


This happened years ago, so obligatory “didn’t happen today” line.

So, my 19th birthday I went to Medieval Times, had never been, wanted to go just once, and I went with my older sister.

If you’ve never been, there is a segment where the knights throw roses to women in the audience, I was hoping to get one but didn’t, and I wasn’t very worried about this issue.

About 5 minutes later, our waiter, who couldn’t have been older than 22, came by and asked if we needed anything, I said no, my older sister had said “Oh, I wanted my little sister to get a rose since it is her birthday.” I laughed this off and told our waiter not to worry about it, and he asked how old I was on that day. I figured this was an innocent question and I am a smaller woman (4’11”) so it is one I get frequently. I told him I was 19 as of that day and he nodded, smiled, and simply walked off.

He comes back maybe 10 minutes later and hands me a BOUQUET of roses, there were exactly 19 in the bouquet, and whispers in my ear, still in character, “I was told by the queen to give these to the most beautiful woman in the audience.” Now, being 19 years old, I thought that he was just providing INCREDIBLE customer service.

Now, I imagine it had to be difficult to procure those roses, specifically 19 of them, and I did not realize until a week later that it was done because he was trying to flirt with me and get a date. To this day, I wish I had written my number down on our check, just to see why would have come out of it. Curiosity, rather than regret.

TL; DR: I missed out on a date with the waiter at Medieval Times because I was too idiotic to realize that he was flirting with me, and not just being a great server.

Edited for spelling mistakes and clarity.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/k-PTA1996 on 2025-10-22 13:10:14+00:00.


I had a dream that someone pierced my one year old daughter’s ears without my permission, and I attacked them??? And I was biting them. I woke up to her scream and I immediately knew what happened. I feel awful. I cried and cried and cried. It looked pretty bad but it looks fine now, just a red circle on her stomach.

I have been extremely exhausted as she is just getting over a bad stomach bug and I’m taking care of her by myself while my husband is out of town working.

I always put her in her crib to sleep but last night she kept waking up crying so I ended up putting her in the bed with me

I just feel like obviously I need therapy?? Because what!! I was scared to even take her to daycare because of this. I ended up just telling them another toddler bit her.

TL;DR I think I just wanted to vent and see if anyone else has experienced this? I’m glad she didn’t realize it was me because we were both asleep I am just horrified with myself!

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/TPowers16z on 2025-10-21 22:36:40+00:00.


Obligatory setup that this happened a few years ago, not today.

So, my wonderful loving new wife and I decided to go out on the town with our wedding party after our 11am wedding and afternoon reception. It was a beautiful August night in a gorgeous seaside town in New England, so the quaint little bars had outside seating and live music, so it was perfect. We all sat down outside at the second destination and that's when I realized that my allergies had kicked in. My lovely new bride asked me if I was feeling okay, so I told her about my headache. She reached into her purse and handed me two small pills. "Here ya go, sweetie. This will help". I took the pills with a swig of my rum and coke and thought nothing of it. After being there a while, enjoying the music, the company, the food and the sweet looks from my new wife, I found myself feeling a bit tipsy. I looked down at the only drink I'd had, the drink I'd been babying and thought "Okay, I must need some food". I ordered some fries and our night continued. We left soon after and I was not doing good. We went back to the hotel and I romantically carried my wife over the threshold. We were excited about our romantic wedding night and the honeymoon trip that we were leaving for in the morning. My lovely new bride kissed me deeply and then went into the bathroom to prepare the hot tub. I sat on the bed to take off my shoes and next thing I knew, it was the next morning. I had passed out.

I woke up in a daze and found myself embarrassed and apologizing profusely for ruining our romantic night. "I'm so sorry!" I kept repeating. "I don't know what happened" she said to me, holding me tight and saying how worried she'd been. She then looked at me and said "I thought for sure the Benadryl would make you feel better". My jaw dropped open and I looked at my amazing new bride. "You gave me TWO Benadryl?". She nodded her head, thinking to herself about how that particular medicine didn't affect her the same as most. I began to laugh hysterically and pulled her into my arms. "I love you so much, but I can't believe you drugged me on our fucking wedding night!".

And no, I've never let her forget it.

TL;DR: trusted my new wife!

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Majestic-Round-6667 on 2025-10-22 15:26:50+00:00.


This happened earlier today and I still want to crawl under my desk. I had a video interview for a junior web developer position something I’d actually been looking forward to. I prepped all week, practiced answers and made sure my setup looked decent. Everything started fine until the interviewer asked me to walk through one of my past projects. My mind went blank. Total freeze. While I was trying to remember what to say, my cat decided that was the perfect moment to jump onto my desk, knock over my coffee, and sprint across the keyboard, which made my already exsting anxiety even worse.

The interviewer just stared as I scrambled to grab the mug and wipe up the mess, muttering “sorry, sorry, sorry” while coffee dripped down my laptop. My mic picked up the entire chaos, including the sound of my cat meowing like she was giving her input on my experience with React.

I tried to keep going like nothing happened but my shirt was soaked and the smell of coffee made it even worse. He ended the interview with “thanks for your time” which I’m pretty sure translates to “we’ll never speak again.”

I closed my laptop, cleaned everything up, and seriously considered giving my cat my LinkedIn password since she clearly wanted to handle things herself.

TL;DR: Froze mid-interview, my cat knocked over coffee all over me and my laptop, turned my web dev interview into a live disaster. Probably not getting that job.

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