I'm super quiet and often look well composed but emotionless. It seems to give off an aura of confidence which is a complete contradiction to the overstimulated chaos happening inside.

Since I am so quiet because of over stimulation, people react by either assuming I know too much or I'm a absolute idiot who needs to be talked to like a toddler. This ends up with people expecting me to just know everything or thinking I know nothing at all. There's rarely ever someone that treats me as average, just like everyone else on this planet.

The worst part about adhd and autism is that everything seems to be a contradiction. I personally have leaned into the contradiction because it's the only way to be comfortable with myself. It may not always make sense but if it works and I am happy and no one is being hurt, there shouldn't be an issue about it. I am a human being, just another animal on this planet.

I think me acknowledging and embracing that contradiction scares people and a result, takes it out on me for being comfortable in my own contradictions.

Why do I hate crowds and loud noises but love to dance in a big happy, sweaty crowd with loud music? Fuck if I know but it makes me happy. Why do I need structure in my daily life but can't plan a trip beyond a return plane ticket and 5 nights booked somewhere at a hostel for a 3 months trip to Europe? Fuck if I know but I survived and it made me happy.

I can't outrun my adhd so why not embrace it.

[–] RowRowRowYourBot@sh.itjust.works 6 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Why do I hate crowds and loud noises but love to dance in a big happy, sweaty crowd with loud music?

Because when you are dancing your mind does not think it needs to interact with the crowd around you whereas normally your brain is looking for those requiring your input

[–] confusedpuppy@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 3 days ago

This seems to over simplify the complex feelings I have in both those situations and does not quite fully resonate with me. I can sit with this and over analyze it but I choose not to because there isn't much need to for me.

I don't always need an explanation for why I am enjoying living in the moment, what's important is that I am living in the moment. Those are the memories that are truly important to me because I get to enjoy them for myself later on my own time.