this post was submitted on 14 Jul 2025
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It's the same with "how are you"? and the expectant answer always being "Good". It's rare that someone is genuinely interested, it's just the social norm. (FWIW, I'm always down to listen until you use me as a trauma dump and ignore me when I need an ear grumble grumble about askholes)
The crossing lady near my house as a teen.
Her: Good morning. How are you?
Me: Good thanks. Yourself?
Her: Not good. Last night......
Me: FUCK
Mum wanted to know why I was going to school so early. "To avoid her".
Worked in a grocery store during HS and uni. Always was friendly with customers, but at times (especially the elderly) would chew your ear off.
Now I understand they just wanted human contact and conversation but my stoned teenage brain did not.
One chap sticks out in my mind.....I was loading up the grape display and bloke comes over and starts off "Can't enjoy grapes anymore since my wife died a few years ago....."
How the fuck does one respond to that!!!!
Start by checking whether he is talking about actual grapes or the modern internet code-usage of grapes. Once he figures out what you are suggesting he could have been confessing to he will probably never want to speak to you again, and you can avoid getting into trouble by pretending to be traumatised by what you thought he was saying. #unethicallifeprotips
As this was about 25-30 years ago, it was definitely fruit related ๐
It totally is just a transactional thing, I can handle a "how are you" most of the time as it's just an extension of "hi" (although yes, harder to lie through your teeth when you're really not feeling it) but the whole weekend thing is just way too long for my liking especially when I simply can't match the mood of the other person.
There are some people I will always have time for re: a genuine response to how are you etc, but because of experiences like the ones you have also had, I am very selective. I think I've gotten better at working out when someone might be a one-directional dumper - esp when interacting with the public during site visits.