this post was submitted on 20 Jul 2025
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Yes! My gods the experience I had when I first started actually figuring things out around 10 years ago was horrible because of people not getting this. I tried to join a few online communities that claimed to be for trans people or at least trans inclusive and it was such a horrible experience. Multiple large communities the literal second they learned I'm AMAB and not on HRT I either got outright banned, told my existence was triggering to other members and I should either leave or not participate in any discussions, or told that I'm not actually nonbinary.
That I just have too much "internalized transmisogyny" and I'll be so much happier once my egg cracks the rest of the way. The last one particularly hurt because I'd had an entire gender crisis back in high school and I literally told them that the idea of being a woman felt just as wrong but in different ways as being a man and they just laughed at me like I didn't know what I was talking about. Took me so long to actually start willingly engaging with trans communities again.
Yes! Enbies are valid and there are so many ways to transition. I always say to just do what makes you happy because everyone is different and there is no "correct" way, just different ways.
You would think that if anyone was going to, then other trans people would understand that, but my gods so many people in the community end up whether they realize it or not perpetuating the bad stereotypes that cause so many of us grief. Trans guys don't have to take everything on the chin without complaint to be valid just like trans ladies don't have to perfectly perform femininity to be valid. You'd think that people who reject the box they were put in wouldn't be jumping at the chance to force others into boxes.
God I'm sorry.
It should be so simple. Not taking hormones doesn't mean you aren't trans.
If someone else is uncomfortable that should be their problem. It's true for us and that includes you.
It should be! But my gods it feels like there's a very loud portion of at least the online trans community that thinks that the only valid ways to be trans are "fem-leaning androgynous enby" if you're AFAB and "trans woman" if you're AMAB. As if the second that they can look at you and read "that's a dude" you stop being valid or something. Which is so messed up.
I don't know, I think that's part of why I've always vibed more with the transmasc crowd than the transfem one despite being AMAB. It's not the same but I spent my entire life getting bullied by the men in it for being too effeminate. I had a baby doll that I took care of while my Mom took care of my baby brother when she did something I couldn't help with. I cried too easily, I didn't care about cars and sports like they did, I had no interest in sex. It was like the way everyone else saw me was "girl badly pretending to be a boy" except I didn't feel like either.