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guess i’ll just die (pawb.social)

submitted 1 week ago by chosensilence@pawb.social to c/chat@beehaw.org

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idk where else to post this. my state denied me coverage for healthcare and food share for “making too much,” and now since i can’t acquire insurance elsewhere since i simply can’t afford it, i’m going to lose medication that is currently treating a chronic, life shortening illness. i do not have $509 a month to spend on this drug. and since nobody in my state gives a shit about me i am simply going to go without and suffer the consequences of being unmedicated with my disease.

great.

means testing is immoral and fuck everyone who supports it. you are why i won’t be medicated anymore.

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[–] chosensilence@pawb.social 1 points 6 days ago

i truly don't think anyone understands how miserable i find living to be. i genuinely believe existence to be a cruel prank being played on me. i did not consent to exist and i wouldn't have chosen to if somehow there was a me to make that decision. if i could press a button and poof out of existence and the memories of those who knew me i would do it without hesitation. the second arrow is not a disproportionate reaction to the first because the first came from a person who actively wants me dead. when i feel the pain of being dehumanized by the state (taking away my benefits; denying me assistance) and/or those around me (voters who think i am scum), the recognizing of that fact is what causes the second arrow to land and cause even more suffering. but that is just me understanding that these people are impacting my actual life and so i am trying to understand what my future risks are like. i need to look ahead, i need to catastrophize because they are constantly working to take away everything i have and need. my second arrow isn't some kind of pity party or anxious response or depressive episode; my second arrow is me going "fuck they are trying to harm me and i need to be aware and prepared." idk it feels different here, i don't think i see it the same.