President Donald Trump has moved to ban the Indiana Jones franchise from all American streaming services after being told the main protagonist is a well-known participant in anti-fascist violence.
Hot on the heels of plans to designate Antifa a terrorist organisation, Trump has moved to ban what many people consider the primary anti-fascist in popular cinema.
Trump supporters who recently watched Raiders of the Lost Ark for the first time in years, have noticed that it is nothing more than a propagandist tool for feminists, snowflakes and antifascists who don’t like the fact that Donald Trump is the president, and complained that Jones himself often resorts to violence when he doesn’t get his own way.
Trump fan Chuck Williams told us, “At one point, this so-called hero backs mechanic who was minding his own business into a plan propeller – so much for the tolerant left! Can’t a patriotic mechanic just go about his business in peace, without being attacked by violent anti-fascist thugs? [...]
They joke, but Crystal Skull was basically "Indian Jones Punches Left".
Dial of Destiny, somewhat ironically, is a movie about saving Hitler's life. But it's also a movie about how the CIA is infested with Nazis and historical revisionism is ideological poison.
Both movies are, ultimately, bad because they keep forgetting Harrison Ford isn't in his 30s anymore. But that's okay, because in the future we'll just have Sora 2+ make whatever AI slop our addled Millennial imaginations can cobble together from our vague memories of the 1980s.
I wanna see the big iconic boulder take the lead ~~role~~ roll.