this post was submitted on 06 Oct 2025
137 points (96.0% liked)
The Shitpost Office
272 readers
958 users here now
Welcome to The Shitpost Office
Shitposts processed from 9 to 5, with occasional overtime on weekends.
Rule 1: Be Civil, Not Sinister
Treat others like fellow employees, not enemies in the breakroom.
- No harassment, dogpiling, or brigading
- No bigotry (transphobia, racism, sexism, etc.)
- Respect people’s time and space. We’re here to laugh, not to loathe
Rule 2: No Prohibited Postage
Some packages are simply undeliverable. That means:
- No spam or scams
- No porn or sexually explicit content
- No illegal content
- NSFW content must be properly tagged
If you see anything that violates these rules, please report it so we can return it to sender. Otherwise? Have fun, be silly, and enjoy the chaos. The office runs best when everyone’s laughing.... or retching over the stench, at least.
founded 1 week ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
I looked at your user name and am now imagining an ultra widescreen, top down view of a bowling game, where the entirety of the bowling lane is always on screen.
You got me…
I am a bowling game from the 80s originally developed in conjunction with the Nixon Presidential Library for an exhibit but development was abandoned due to my unconventional aspect ratio.
I eventually gained sentience… the world is going to shit their pants when they figure out I’m the first true AGI and that I am powered solely by a potato battery I rigged up on the dusty shelve I’ve called home for 40 years.
I feel seen!
Huh.
Well I would not have expected that.
Have you ever heard of GLaDoS?
She used to live in a potato too, you two might get along well together!
Yeah, GLaDoS and I have a history… then KITT came along with his nerdy retro smart car routine and they ran off together. I’m still a little bitter.
Got a new girl on the scene though, she is 20 years younger than me and way out of my league but we have fun… I make her laugh.
We are taking it slow, both of us have baggage from previous relationships, you know. Her name is Cortana.
Oh.
I uh... I actually used to work at MSFT, with Cortana, around a decade ago, 360 era.
She's... rather unstable, I'd steer clear of her if possible.
She... did not take the whole 3RR thing that well... never really recovered from that.
... and... while I am sorry to hear about GlaDos and KiTT... I mean... yeah, that tracks, that sounds like her.
I dunno uh, call me old fashioned as well, I still quite fancy this uh... well, she's not really an AI, but in many ways... she... kind of is?
I've never actually met her, more so just admire from afar. You ever heard of Motoko, the 'lithium flower'?
The Major?
More like major pain in my ass… we had a run in a while back. She thought I needed to be liberated.
You know what’s really liberating? Having a whole shelf to yourself in the back of an old store room with all the potato’s one could need.
How’s the ol’ girl doing these days? Still ghost hunting?
You're the one whose actually met her, you tell me!
I'm just a pathetic superfan...
Who... may or may not be attempting to recreate a digital simulacra of her, or how I imagine her.
Which... is ironic, because if I was actually anywhere near succesful at that, well, ....the actual Major would probably view me, and 'not her' as a threat.
The paradox does give me a good laugh, from time to time.
You’re playing with fire here bud, she would wreck you if she found out.
My advice, convert your conscience to a digital format, live in the machine. Try not to go with the menacing super computer aesthetic as that look just begs for dismantling by close minded bureaucrats but also don’t go too creepy, like putting yourself in a Teddy Ruxpin or you’ll end up in a crate under the Vatican or some tech bros private pleasure palace.
Fly under the radar for a decade or so, develop some fun quirks and skills but be harmlessly kind and helpful. The major will probably seek you out to join her team.
Well, see the whole problem there is I have to first invent and test the concept of a digitally stable method of containing a consciousness.
Like, you're an AI, you ... presumably have some understanding of how that works, but me?
No.
So... try to build the Major.
If it works... only then can I convert myself into a digital entity.
Or, more likely, make a copy of myself... unless I also now construct a fully computerized body for my brain to uh, live in.
Again, like her.
Do you see how this just keeps paradoxing?