this post was submitted on 23 Oct 2025
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There are SO MANY bananas, but most people have only eaten the Cavendish. Awhile back, I got a box of assorted bananas from a farm that specializes in growing unusual fruit. I ate about twenty pounds of bananas in three weeks. So many fucking nanners spread across my entire kitchen countertop for weeks, ripening in stages.
My life has been a lie. Yours too. We've all been hoodwinked. We are getting fucked, and not in the good way, because Cavendish is a straight up garbage fruit. There are tiny tart toothsome Thai bananas, chunky Cuban, alluring Apple, beauteous burro, pleasurably plump Pisang, orally outstanding orinoco, mouthwatering Mysore, and the gustatorily magnificent Gros Michel, the OG mass production bananer, which was replaced by Cavendish in a mycological midlife crisis (I'm drunk and if I was a dinosaur, I'd be a tiny tenacious thesaurus tenuisi). Plus more. So many more. Fucking. Bananas.
They all taste like bananas, but each is a little different, some more than others, but they all had more taste that those Cavendish fuckers. So get fucked Chiquita, Dole, and Del Monte. My banana bread sucks because of y'all.
Wake up babe, new copypasta just dropped 🍌
There are SO ✖️MANY bananas🍌, but most people have only eaten the ☕️🎩Cavendish. Awhile back, I got a box of assorted 🙋🏻♂️🙆🏽♂️💁🏿♂️bananas🍌 from a 🧑🌾🐓🐷farm that specializes🚜 in growing unusual fruit. I ate about twenty🧑🌾😮💨 pounds of 🍌bananas in three weeks. So many fucking 🤾🏼♂️🍌🅱️nanners spread across my entire kitchen countertop for weeks, ripening in stages.🧑🏻🌾🧑🏽🌾🧑🏾🌾🧑🏿🌾
My life has been a lie😢. Yours too.🪞 🇺🇸We've all been hoodwinked. 💇♀️😉We are getting fucked🍆🍌, and 🙅♂️not in the good way🙅♀️, because 🤢Cavendish is a straight up⬆️🗑️ garbage💩 fruit. There are tiny tart toothsome 🇹🇭Thai 🍌bananas, chunky Cuban🎅🏻🚬🍌, alluring Apple 🍎🍌, beauteous burro💋💄🫏🍌, pleasurably plump Pisang 🥺, orally🥹 outstanding orinoco🍌, mouth👄watering💦 Mysore😫🍌, and the gustatorily🫃🍌 magnificent Gros 🤮 Michel, the OG mass production 🅱️naner, which was replaced by 🤢Cavendish in a mycological midlife🧗🏻🚵🏻🤹♂️ crisis🚑 (I'm drunk and if I was a 🦕dinosaur🦖, I'd be a tiny tenacious 🐙thesaurus 📚tenuisi). Plus more. So 🍌many 🍌more. Fucking. Bananas.🏊♀️🏊♂️🏊🍌
They all taste👅 like 🍌bananas, but each is a 👼little
✝️☪️✡️🕉️🔯🕎different, some more than others, but they all had more taste👅 that those 🤢Cavendish🇬🇧💂♂️ fuckers! So get 🍌ucked Chiquita, Dole, and Del🧑🏽🍼 Monte. My banana🍌 bread🍞 sucks 🤤 because of y'all.🔚
Goat banana post
Good thing they will soon be gone.
I was told a story of a chef I knew about a small, purple banana that tastes like vanilla.
Did they say that the chef made them close their eyes before tasting it?
We called all banana as Pisang (indonesia). Do you know which specific variety you tasted?
Unfortunately I don't. I know it was Indonesian and the bananas were thick and tightly bunched, but that's all.
In Portugal, it's very common to find bananas from the Madeira islands being sold in stores, even in like our equivalent of Walmart or Carrefour.
They're like half the length of a Cavendish, a bit more tasty, but still very similar. I very much prefer them.
I know it's not as exotic as your selection but it was something I was able to eat regularly and pretty accessibly there
What is your favorite banana and how do I get it?
A tie between the Gros Michel and the Cuban Red. I was staying with a friend in Hawaii when I went on my banana bender, but both look to be intermittently available for delivery online at Miami Fruit.
:o
But banana tastes like crap. Give me one that doesn't taste like a banana.
So get this. Have you ever had Runts candy? If you or any other readers have, then you've likely noted that the banana candy just doesn't taste right. That's because it's based on the original mass production banana, the Gros Michel, AKA the "Big Mike". That's a proper banana. Cavendish is shit but it's the only type most people have eaten. They've eaten shit. Banana shit.
The following may not apply to you but may for others:
Saying you hate bananas when you have only tried cavendish is like saying you hate beer when you've only tried warm, flat Keystone Light.