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I smoked a lot of weed as a young adult. Looking back on that time I believe that I was escaping from the endless intrusive thoughts. Focusing my mind on any sort of work was difficult and I used all sorts of substances to get by. My typical usage profile is to find something appealing and use the shit out of it until it becomes a problem, spend time recovering and repeat with the next chemical. After recovering from heroin addiction it became obvious that it was not normal behaviour and I sought medical advice. They diagnosed ADHD and many of the past events started to make sense. I use routine to bring order to my life. I meditate to calm the mind. The medication allows me to focus and prioritise tasks. I think of my life in two starkly distinct chapters, pre and post diagnosis. I feel happy and the thought of taking substances seems like a strange thing to do.
I was just bored. I live in a shithole town with almost nothing to do other than get high and go to the movies or eat fast food. And all the adults didn't give a fuck about any of us. Getting high af was pretty much the only way to make boring AF nothingsville remotely interesting.
I lost interest when I got to college and actually had interesting stuff to do.
I would imagine most drug use is recreational and I'm not implying anything about your usage pattern. I do like drugs and getting high from time to time but the habitual use of drugs was a bad sign that I ignored for years. Addiction is a problem, especially if we hide, deny or condemn it. We're all imperfect and yet deserving of love and respect.